Wha-a-a? That's a crazy title, huh? What it means is that over the last couple of days, I've felt myself slipping back into some disordered thinking, and worse, disordered eating. Upon returning from the trip and finding myself at a new low weight on this journey, not to mention writing about the relative peace of normal eating on vacation, I found myself starting to restrict my food intake. Just a little the first day back, then a little more on Thursday, and by Friday I was feeling quite depleted and empty. EMPTY and tired.
At the crux were a couple of things:
1) I was ready to fast forward this weight loss. Eat less, lose more. Eat next to nothing - even faster. I dabbled with anorexic eating many (28+) years ago, as well as laxative and diuretic purging. Believe it or not, I never became bulimic because I couldn't make myself throw up. Of course I'm glad about that now, but back in those days my eating was screwy in many and varied ways different from its screw-up-ness of today. Yet those restrictive notions were working on me this past week.
2) I knew I had a party a friend's house Friday evening to celebrate a gal's 1 year AA anniversary, and I realized I'd been planning to tie on the feed bag in a major way for the event. This group of women can cook some good food, and when I got honest, it was clear I'd been eating too little for a couple of days in preparation for major consumption of mass quantities of all not nailed down during and after said party. Stupid crazy behavior that I know doesn't work, and generally am able to avoid in my current incarnation.
So here is the Friday sequence that unfolded into my first binge eating in several weeks. By lunch time Friday I was ravenous - truly empty-stomach hungry. I had brought a sane lunch, which I ate, but it didn't "do it" for me. In a couple of the classrooms, the staff had done cooking projects yielding some decadent sweets, which I staunchly resisted and declined. Until I didn't. And finally, about 1:30 in the afternoon, I wandered down the hall to one particular room and asked if they had any of their confections left...I had one small 2 inch square of something, and the switch flipped. The rest of the afternoon, then on into the evening at the gathering, and even after I came home, I ate. Healthy delicious dishes alternating with heavy desserts, handfuls of nuts...on and on. A bona-fide frenzy of out of control eating. Interesting is that during the party, friends who hadn't seen me for a while were commenting on how they could see I'd lost even more weight! "Ha", I thought - "and I'm in the process of packing it back on in this very moment."
Si-i-i-gh.
I woke up Saturday feeling surprisingly okay given the onslaught of food my body had sustained the night before. I felt the episode was over, and the binge "out of my system". But again, I restricted my food all day (attempting to compensate for yesterday's iniquities is rarely a successful venture), keeping intake very bland and austere. After a sane dinner, I started making repeated trips to the kitchen foraging for anything with which to concoct something tasty. I keep no junk around anymore. So in order to do too much damage, I'd have had to either get very creative, or go on a food run. Thankfully I was feeling too lazy to go out, but I did manage to eat too many nuts, some toast with butter and Trader Joe's Pumpkin butter (OHMIGOD...it's amazing!), and a piece of cheese. It was not a bad episode because of the limits provided by empty cabinets and lazy self.
I wasn't going to confess all this bullsh*t because I want to sound better and saner than I feel. But again, what good does withholding my truth do me? I think I'm okay today - I've gotten in 2 walks (despite the achy knee...I figure it's going to be surgically fixed in a matter of weeks, so resuming some walking is safe within reason) and have eaten sanely. No crazy restricting. But the thoughts of not eating keep popping up. Damn! I'm sick of having an eating disordered mind. I've just written about what eating too little led me to over the last 2 days, and still I'm tempted to try and not eat.
The biggest reason I'm writing about this is that I want to keep this day sane. Eat healthfully. Resume my short-lived truce with food of the last couple of weeks where we peacefully co-existed. Just this day. It's back to one moment at a time for now. But hopefully I will note tomorrow on my blog that I got through yesterday (today) without falling back through the binge chute.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
I'm feeling a little Dominican!
Thought I'd use the weekend posts for putting up some pictures from our trip. This first batch is mainly our first couple of days of flying in, seeing Jean and her apartment, and meeting some of the locals who have literally adopted Jean (and subsequently us) into their circles of family, hospitality and love.
Above, first siting of official Dominican Republic terra firma!
First view of Jean - looking very Peace Corps chic with her cotton skirt. When I commented on it, she said, "Mom, I wore this because I knew you'd think that!" She knows me well!
Mom and Jean after lo-o-o-n-g happy hug. Tom was seeing to the rental car.
Jean and my first grandchild, Wally, having a brief love fest on her mosquiteroed bed.
Wally exercising anti-malarial strategy napping under the mosquitero...
A close friend of Jean's, along with her two daughters stopped in to meet the parents during our first hours at Jean's apartment.
Jean and her friend Freddie (Frederenka) from Germany. Freddie is in Janico for a year doing a volunteer project with a water management effort. She and Jean comprise the entire blonde caucasian population of Janico, and have become wonderful friends. Freddie's English is better than mine!
>
First morning, Jean jumped up a cooked us a big pot of Dominican oatmeal. Delicious! Much better than Quaker :D
Jean in front of steps that lead up to her casa. We were setting out to watch her teach an ESL class at the high school.
Heading off to the liceo through the streets of Janico.
Lots of vistas of rooftops everywhere, due to extreme hilliness of the terrain.
That mountain peak was climbed by the 3 of us the next morning, and yielded some lovely pics!
Jean in front of the school. She was greeted by numerous students who seemed to know her well.
Little nuclear family at the school.
Classroom scenes...where Jean goes - Wally goes. Note him sporting a bolero that was given to him by one of Jean's students! (It was a little tight for his Dominican physique.)
More class activity...
and note the attentive student with the long tail at the head of the class!
In addition to ESL, she also teaches Computer skills in this lab.
Jean with her slightly vertically challenged holst mom Esmeralda (black top) and her host sister, Fanny. Jean lived with this family for the first 3 months in Janico. Their hospitality and generous spirit was exceeded only by the love they also extended to Jean's padres (us!)
Jean and Daniella, her host niece (Fanny's daughter) - an adorable sprite with a deep twinkle in her eye. She and Jean are BFFs!
The first meal prepared for us by Esmeralda - amazing local fare of rice, beans, chicken, salad, avacado, corn cakes, broccoli and cauliflower fixed some Dominican way. These folks would have fixed every meal for us if we'd have let them.
Neighbors of Esmeralda, and another "surrogate" family of Jean's.
On the way home after our feast at Esmeralda's, we had this chance encounter with some amigos playing Monopoly!
Typical sidewalk views while walking through town.
Common Dominican flora - Plaintain trees!
That's all for now. I'll try to put up a few photos sampling some mountain views and countryside, but the more I look at my pictures, the more I see how inadequate their portrayal of the beauty of this country is! Some of it will just have to reside in my memory.
Above, first siting of official Dominican Republic terra firma!
First view of Jean - looking very Peace Corps chic with her cotton skirt. When I commented on it, she said, "Mom, I wore this because I knew you'd think that!" She knows me well!
Mom and Jean after lo-o-o-n-g happy hug. Tom was seeing to the rental car.
Jean and my first grandchild, Wally, having a brief love fest on her mosquiteroed bed.
Wally exercising anti-malarial strategy napping under the mosquitero...
A close friend of Jean's, along with her two daughters stopped in to meet the parents during our first hours at Jean's apartment.
Jean and her friend Freddie (Frederenka) from Germany. Freddie is in Janico for a year doing a volunteer project with a water management effort. She and Jean comprise the entire blonde caucasian population of Janico, and have become wonderful friends. Freddie's English is better than mine!
>
First morning, Jean jumped up a cooked us a big pot of Dominican oatmeal. Delicious! Much better than Quaker :D
Jean in front of steps that lead up to her casa. We were setting out to watch her teach an ESL class at the high school.
Heading off to the liceo through the streets of Janico.
Lots of vistas of rooftops everywhere, due to extreme hilliness of the terrain.
That mountain peak was climbed by the 3 of us the next morning, and yielded some lovely pics!
Jean in front of the school. She was greeted by numerous students who seemed to know her well.
Little nuclear family at the school.
Classroom scenes...where Jean goes - Wally goes. Note him sporting a bolero that was given to him by one of Jean's students! (It was a little tight for his Dominican physique.)
More class activity...
and note the attentive student with the long tail at the head of the class!
In addition to ESL, she also teaches Computer skills in this lab.
Jean with her slightly vertically challenged holst mom Esmeralda (black top) and her host sister, Fanny. Jean lived with this family for the first 3 months in Janico. Their hospitality and generous spirit was exceeded only by the love they also extended to Jean's padres (us!)
Jean and Daniella, her host niece (Fanny's daughter) - an adorable sprite with a deep twinkle in her eye. She and Jean are BFFs!
The first meal prepared for us by Esmeralda - amazing local fare of rice, beans, chicken, salad, avacado, corn cakes, broccoli and cauliflower fixed some Dominican way. These folks would have fixed every meal for us if we'd have let them.
Neighbors of Esmeralda, and another "surrogate" family of Jean's.
On the way home after our feast at Esmeralda's, we had this chance encounter with some amigos playing Monopoly!
Typical sidewalk views while walking through town.
Common Dominican flora - Plaintain trees!
That's all for now. I'll try to put up a few photos sampling some mountain views and countryside, but the more I look at my pictures, the more I see how inadequate their portrayal of the beauty of this country is! Some of it will just have to reside in my memory.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Oh My Achin' Knee!!!
"Get out of town!", I said to the doctor when he told me in the last half hour that I have a torn medial miniscus of the left knee. No wonder it's been hurting! I'm glad I pushed for the MRI, but have to admit I wasn't expecting something so KNEE-ish. I was expecting that maybe I'd need some PT for a strain, if even that; but the doc said it needs arthroscopic surgery! If I knew how to insert a frowny face, this is where I'd put it. I don't think it will be a big deal, but won't know the full scoop until I go for an appointment next Tuesday to get the details and find out what kind of time I'll need to carve out. Unexpected, but in the general scheme of things, I know this is small potatoes. It is my potatoes, however, and so will need some acceptance and reasonableness on my part to negotiate it all without undoing all the good I've accomplished with weightloss and exercise to date.
I really put the knee through some rigors on the DR trip, and it held up pretty well under the influence of Ibuprofen 600 mg 3x/day. Now I'm on Prednisone for a bad sinus infection (along with an antibx), so the knee feels close to normal...steroids rock for their general inflammation busting properties. But I swear, since I hung up from speaking with the doc, it's hurting. Mind over matter is a real thing!
I'd had plans to try and walk my beloved Ridley Creek State Park 5 mile loop this weekend, but now think I'll back burner that plan until I know if it would be prudent to do long walks prior to surgery.
So, that's my story, and I guess I have to stick with it! Details to follow...and the first round of trip pix.
I really put the knee through some rigors on the DR trip, and it held up pretty well under the influence of Ibuprofen 600 mg 3x/day. Now I'm on Prednisone for a bad sinus infection (along with an antibx), so the knee feels close to normal...steroids rock for their general inflammation busting properties. But I swear, since I hung up from speaking with the doc, it's hurting. Mind over matter is a real thing!
I'd had plans to try and walk my beloved Ridley Creek State Park 5 mile loop this weekend, but now think I'll back burner that plan until I know if it would be prudent to do long walks prior to surgery.
So, that's my story, and I guess I have to stick with it! Details to follow...and the first round of trip pix.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Re-entry into the ordinary life - Weight update too!
Finally I'm sitting down to get off at least a brief post to get back in the groove of blogging. I've been missing my daily fixes of writing and reading in blogdom and have been itching to get back, but have felt so emotionally, physically and mentally overwhelmed that I haven't known where to begin! It's around 12:30 p.m. Thursday, and we've been home since 6 p.m. Tuesday. The last few days of our trip found me feeling okay but tired, with very little voice, and not sleeping well for any number of reasons including not being able to breathe through my nose at all and coughing for hours at night! It was hard to say goodbye to Jean, though Tom and I were both looking forward to getting back to civilization as we know it, as well as to friends and routines that serve as the matrix for day to day existence. Life has been rich, full, and at fast tilt and it will take time for me to internalize and process the amazing journey from which we've returned.
Anyhoo - I spent yesterday doing laundry, getting groceries, going to the doctor (and happily getting 2 big-gun prescriptions to treat a rauchy sinus infection), picking up the CD of my knee MRI done just before we left to take to the ortho doc so he could look at the images before talking to me about it, getting back to my dear AA...just a zillion errands and details and reconnections. I didn't sleep much at all the first night home - excitement, sick, who knows why - by yesterday I was so blurry minded in my activity junkie mode that I couldn't remember Tom's work phone number! Eventually it came to me, but it was at that point in the afternoon I realized I probably shouldn't be driving around anymore because I might take a wrong turn and end up in east Jepip.
Today I'm beginning to feel like myself. Better physically, clear-headed, more rested, and my hair looks the best it's looked since we left for our trip! I'm back to work, and was greeted like a beloved family member returning from war - they were glad to have their nurse back, and I was/am glad to see everyone and be here. I've started loading pictures into the computer, and will probably post some in my next post. I take pictures like I eat potato chips - one is not enough. Neither is the whole bag. About 270 pictures, I think. Don't worry, I'll only post some key ones here, but Facebook may have to increase their web strength to house the many phases of DR albums I'm posting!
Given that this blog is first and foremost about my weightloss journey to fit-terness, I do have some news from the food front. I posted from vacation that while we were eating lots of delicious local fare, we also were walking, hiking, up and down hills, and at no time overeating. No bingeing during my time in the DR - no nighttime eating (the bane of my existence) or snacking. I didn't try to restrict my intake or say no to fresh made juice because it had - da dum!!! sugar in it. I just enjoyed what was served. It was effortless - I wasn't scheming and conniving ways to stockpile coconut patties and Dominican junkfood to consume in clandestine fashion while the family's backs were turned. There's no other way than to just say this: I ate normally. Food was a pleasure but not the focus. Pretty radical.
Over the course of the time, as my number of binge free days added up, I intuitively knew I was on solid ground, and taking up a couple less pounds of its gravity. I felt it somehow, though my clothes didn't change their drape or fit. On the day we flew back - I did end up eating some salty crap during a 4 hour layover in Miami, and then had cookies at an AA meeting that night. Yesterday morning when I got up I saw that my socks (to keep my wittle toes warm in the night) had left a light impression in my ankes so knew not to get on the scale due to fluid retention. But I had a clean food day yesterday, made an amazing beef and vegetable stew for dinner with a big salad, and when I got up this morning and hopped on the scale, it said 192 pounds. That's the lowest I've been. WOOT! When I left for the DR on 11/2, I was 194. I expect another clean day may rid my body of even more accumulated water weight. So I feel really good about dropping a couple more pounds without really working at it. I also feel very motivated and enthusiastic to get back to my routines of food prep and exercise. I should find out the scoop on my knee today or tomorrow, but it felt pretty good the whole trip. Now that I'm on prednisone for the sinus infection (I know, water retention can result), it feels perfect. Ahhh - the miracles of anti-inflammatory agents!
All in all, I feel remarkably grateful and content in this moment. We had a wonderful visit with our amazing daughter. She's a remarkable young woman (had to force myself to not call her "a kid") who is fully engaged and assimilated to her life in a third world country and is thrilled to be there. She's a fixture in her town, with many friends and surrogate families who also welcomed and opened their homes to us during our visit. She loves and is loved. We know that she is safe and solidly watched out for by many generous, kind people. It kind of makes a mom proud.
Rest assured you will see and hear much more about our visit. But for now, all is well.
Anyhoo - I spent yesterday doing laundry, getting groceries, going to the doctor (and happily getting 2 big-gun prescriptions to treat a rauchy sinus infection), picking up the CD of my knee MRI done just before we left to take to the ortho doc so he could look at the images before talking to me about it, getting back to my dear AA...just a zillion errands and details and reconnections. I didn't sleep much at all the first night home - excitement, sick, who knows why - by yesterday I was so blurry minded in my activity junkie mode that I couldn't remember Tom's work phone number! Eventually it came to me, but it was at that point in the afternoon I realized I probably shouldn't be driving around anymore because I might take a wrong turn and end up in east Jepip.
Today I'm beginning to feel like myself. Better physically, clear-headed, more rested, and my hair looks the best it's looked since we left for our trip! I'm back to work, and was greeted like a beloved family member returning from war - they were glad to have their nurse back, and I was/am glad to see everyone and be here. I've started loading pictures into the computer, and will probably post some in my next post. I take pictures like I eat potato chips - one is not enough. Neither is the whole bag. About 270 pictures, I think. Don't worry, I'll only post some key ones here, but Facebook may have to increase their web strength to house the many phases of DR albums I'm posting!
Given that this blog is first and foremost about my weightloss journey to fit-terness, I do have some news from the food front. I posted from vacation that while we were eating lots of delicious local fare, we also were walking, hiking, up and down hills, and at no time overeating. No bingeing during my time in the DR - no nighttime eating (the bane of my existence) or snacking. I didn't try to restrict my intake or say no to fresh made juice because it had - da dum!!! sugar in it. I just enjoyed what was served. It was effortless - I wasn't scheming and conniving ways to stockpile coconut patties and Dominican junkfood to consume in clandestine fashion while the family's backs were turned. There's no other way than to just say this: I ate normally. Food was a pleasure but not the focus. Pretty radical.
Over the course of the time, as my number of binge free days added up, I intuitively knew I was on solid ground, and taking up a couple less pounds of its gravity. I felt it somehow, though my clothes didn't change their drape or fit. On the day we flew back - I did end up eating some salty crap during a 4 hour layover in Miami, and then had cookies at an AA meeting that night. Yesterday morning when I got up I saw that my socks (to keep my wittle toes warm in the night) had left a light impression in my ankes so knew not to get on the scale due to fluid retention. But I had a clean food day yesterday, made an amazing beef and vegetable stew for dinner with a big salad, and when I got up this morning and hopped on the scale, it said 192 pounds. That's the lowest I've been. WOOT! When I left for the DR on 11/2, I was 194. I expect another clean day may rid my body of even more accumulated water weight. So I feel really good about dropping a couple more pounds without really working at it. I also feel very motivated and enthusiastic to get back to my routines of food prep and exercise. I should find out the scoop on my knee today or tomorrow, but it felt pretty good the whole trip. Now that I'm on prednisone for the sinus infection (I know, water retention can result), it feels perfect. Ahhh - the miracles of anti-inflammatory agents!
All in all, I feel remarkably grateful and content in this moment. We had a wonderful visit with our amazing daughter. She's a remarkable young woman (had to force myself to not call her "a kid") who is fully engaged and assimilated to her life in a third world country and is thrilled to be there. She's a fixture in her town, with many friends and surrogate families who also welcomed and opened their homes to us during our visit. She loves and is loved. We know that she is safe and solidly watched out for by many generous, kind people. It kind of makes a mom proud.
Rest assured you will see and hear much more about our visit. But for now, all is well.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
¿An obsessed non-Domincan?
I'm sitting in Jean's computer lab at her liceo (high school) while she does some work, and after horsing around on facebook for a bit and given Jean has more to do, I thought I'd do a quick post.
We're having a wonderful time, and my mind and heart are so full of impressions, experiences and thoughts that it would take months to chronicle even a portion of the total. But given the promised brevity of this post, I thought I´d talk about my food and eating and the related emotional detritus that has unfolded during our time in the DR thus far. This blog is, afterall, about my journey to fitness and weightloss.
My daughter has no scale, and also did not inherit her mother's food issues. She's healthy and lean and has a normal relationship with food. Within minutes of running into each others' arms at the Santo Domingo Airport last Monday, she noted my weightloss and congratulated me. Soon after, (Tom was seeing to the rental car) we asked someone to take our picture, and upon seeing it I whined, "How can I look so fat after losing so much weight?" (I'll post pictures once back in the states.) Jean rolled her eyes but had the good sense to say nothing. Wednesday late morning, less than 48 hours after we arrived and just following an ambitious climb to the top of the highest mountain peak in Janico (Jean's town)and the subsequent descent, I reported to Tom and Jean's uninterested ears that I could really feel the muscles in my hips from the workout. This prompted Jean to say to me, "Mom, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or be critical, but you are obsessed with food and dieting." Offended (not really), I staunchly replied that my comment was merely noting that my body felt the results of our epic climb and not a commentary about food, weight or dieting. She said, well maybe not this time, but you've talked about it a lot. Harumph! I have not said one more word about it since. Cross my heart and hope to die.
But I have thought about it. (Yeah, she totally busted me.) It's now Saturday late afternoon, and I have not binged at all, in any way since we've been here and it feels great. I also haven't restricted my intake in any way. We've had incredible meals at the homes of some of her Dominican friends where the family members watch closely to make sure you're eating enough. Ahh-mazing food. Lots of fresh avacado, beans, rice, chicken, salad and vegetables prepared in Dominican style, washed down by utterly delicious fresh fruit juices made with whatever fruit is on hand. And lots of bottled water. Lots. We've also had also had a few meals out including one today at TGIFridays (in a neighboring city) to give Jean a welcome dose of American cuisine. We've walked a lot, including a lot of hills. I've eaten to full, but never stuffed. And we've skipped dinner when we had big midday meals and just had some dried apricots or something. So I have no idea of where my weight is, and there isn't much to do but surrender it to the universe. I've been moderate. No eating between meals. It'll be interesting to see the results of normal binge-free eating.
It's just occurred to me that I've just written a blog post essentially about food and eating while I'm on holiday in the Domincan Republic. Maybe I am still a bit obsessed. Darn that Jean for calling me on my sh*t! This has been an experience that has overwhelmed all of our senses, and will provide fodder for my writing for a long time to come. I expect you'll be hearing about it, smile smile.
We're having a wonderful time, and my mind and heart are so full of impressions, experiences and thoughts that it would take months to chronicle even a portion of the total. But given the promised brevity of this post, I thought I´d talk about my food and eating and the related emotional detritus that has unfolded during our time in the DR thus far. This blog is, afterall, about my journey to fitness and weightloss.
My daughter has no scale, and also did not inherit her mother's food issues. She's healthy and lean and has a normal relationship with food. Within minutes of running into each others' arms at the Santo Domingo Airport last Monday, she noted my weightloss and congratulated me. Soon after, (Tom was seeing to the rental car) we asked someone to take our picture, and upon seeing it I whined, "How can I look so fat after losing so much weight?" (I'll post pictures once back in the states.) Jean rolled her eyes but had the good sense to say nothing. Wednesday late morning, less than 48 hours after we arrived and just following an ambitious climb to the top of the highest mountain peak in Janico (Jean's town)and the subsequent descent, I reported to Tom and Jean's uninterested ears that I could really feel the muscles in my hips from the workout. This prompted Jean to say to me, "Mom, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or be critical, but you are obsessed with food and dieting." Offended (not really), I staunchly replied that my comment was merely noting that my body felt the results of our epic climb and not a commentary about food, weight or dieting. She said, well maybe not this time, but you've talked about it a lot. Harumph! I have not said one more word about it since. Cross my heart and hope to die.
But I have thought about it. (Yeah, she totally busted me.) It's now Saturday late afternoon, and I have not binged at all, in any way since we've been here and it feels great. I also haven't restricted my intake in any way. We've had incredible meals at the homes of some of her Dominican friends where the family members watch closely to make sure you're eating enough. Ahh-mazing food. Lots of fresh avacado, beans, rice, chicken, salad and vegetables prepared in Dominican style, washed down by utterly delicious fresh fruit juices made with whatever fruit is on hand. And lots of bottled water. Lots. We've also had also had a few meals out including one today at TGIFridays (in a neighboring city) to give Jean a welcome dose of American cuisine. We've walked a lot, including a lot of hills. I've eaten to full, but never stuffed. And we've skipped dinner when we had big midday meals and just had some dried apricots or something. So I have no idea of where my weight is, and there isn't much to do but surrender it to the universe. I've been moderate. No eating between meals. It'll be interesting to see the results of normal binge-free eating.
It's just occurred to me that I've just written a blog post essentially about food and eating while I'm on holiday in the Domincan Republic. Maybe I am still a bit obsessed. Darn that Jean for calling me on my sh*t! This has been an experience that has overwhelmed all of our senses, and will provide fodder for my writing for a long time to come. I expect you'll be hearing about it, smile smile.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Hola Amigos
Just a fast post to say we arrived safely and are esconced in Jean's lovely casa in the beautiful town of Janico. Small village surrounded by green lush mountains peppered with palm trees! Worlds colliding in a remarkable way.
I've already taken many pics and it's only a little before noon Tuesday! All is well - beyond well, in fact. My nervousness and uncertainty have been banished by the friendly and welcoming neighbors, friends and students of Jeans that we have met. Jean is wonderful and we had a long teary hug at the airport. Hugs to all.
I've already taken many pics and it's only a little before noon Tuesday! All is well - beyond well, in fact. My nervousness and uncertainty have been banished by the friendly and welcoming neighbors, friends and students of Jeans that we have met. Jean is wonderful and we had a long teary hug at the airport. Hugs to all.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Be back soon!
This will be my last post before the big departure for the Dominican Republic. I'm as ready as I'm going to be. I have enough reading material to carry me through a Siberian winter. I have a knitting project that is small, lightweight and portable ...socks. The passport is secured in my new travel purse/tote I found for $39.00 at TJMax yesterday. My IPOD is full to capacity of the best music that's ever been conceived or composed. I probably won't read a word, knit a stitch or listen to a song, but it's part of my personal comfort package! Then there is a whole suitcase dedicated to things Jean asked me to bring, plus stuff I've been picking up for her over the last few weeks: Target clothes, Trader Joe's dried apricots, pecans, almonds, organic peanut butter, honey, "American Candy" (requested item), tea, tons of Luna bars, a cheap new yoga mat, air mattress with pump, and assorted other things that have slipped my mind. The fact that all these things are safely packed and not causing the suitcase to bulge at the seams is one of the things that signaled the beginning of my settling down and just being excited about this adventure, rather than worried and fearful. I suspect prayer and surrender helped too. I can be 1)torqued up and angst-ridden, or 2)I can breathe into the unknown of it all and go with the flow. I chose option 2.
I haven't been hungry at all today, and actually made myself eat 3 meals because I know I need to. This is not a usual state of affairs for me, and it's kind of nice. Of course, once I ate dinner and had a handful of almonds, I started feeling like I could eat half a cow. But I'm done for the night and need to go to bed soon because I didn't sleep worth a flip last night. I ended up getting up and catching up on some email - and haven't been to sleep since. We live for the airport at 5:30 a.m., which will come very quickly. So I'm off to night night as soon as I publish this post.
The following is a link sent to me by my friend Laurina, who is in the Children's Publishing industry. She's been following my blog on occasion, and given its content and knowing my love of and interest in writing, she thought I'd find it interesting. I'm posting it now because it will likely awhile before I'm back on line. It's a post from a blog of a woman also in the business of publishing children's books. It is apparently directed largely to authors, and this entry deals with the portrayal of "fat" characters in their writing. I've read posts in other blogs - PastaQueen's comes to mind - about the treatment of "fatness" in the mass media: literature, advertising and film, and the portrayal of characters who are overweight. I know others of you have written about this so may find this piece interesting. Take time to watch the embedded video - maybe fast forward through the first 1.20 minutes. It's pretty entertaining. When I wrote back to Laurina, I speculated on how the video would be regarded and presented had it been the woman who was overweight. Let me know what you think if you get a chance to look at it.
http://www.publishersweekly.com/blog/660000266/post/1700050170.html#comments
Finally, I rediscovered this poem while browsing for something in My Documents:
God speaks to each of us as he makes us,
then walks with us silently out of the night.
These are words we dimly hear:
You, sent out beyond your recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
Embody me.
Flare up like flame
and make big shadows I can move in.
Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don't let yourself lose me.
Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousnes.
Give me your hand.
~ Rainer Maria Rilke ~
I haven't been hungry at all today, and actually made myself eat 3 meals because I know I need to. This is not a usual state of affairs for me, and it's kind of nice. Of course, once I ate dinner and had a handful of almonds, I started feeling like I could eat half a cow. But I'm done for the night and need to go to bed soon because I didn't sleep worth a flip last night. I ended up getting up and catching up on some email - and haven't been to sleep since. We live for the airport at 5:30 a.m., which will come very quickly. So I'm off to night night as soon as I publish this post.
The following is a link sent to me by my friend Laurina, who is in the Children's Publishing industry. She's been following my blog on occasion, and given its content and knowing my love of and interest in writing, she thought I'd find it interesting. I'm posting it now because it will likely awhile before I'm back on line. It's a post from a blog of a woman also in the business of publishing children's books. It is apparently directed largely to authors, and this entry deals with the portrayal of "fat" characters in their writing. I've read posts in other blogs - PastaQueen's comes to mind - about the treatment of "fatness" in the mass media: literature, advertising and film, and the portrayal of characters who are overweight. I know others of you have written about this so may find this piece interesting. Take time to watch the embedded video - maybe fast forward through the first 1.20 minutes. It's pretty entertaining. When I wrote back to Laurina, I speculated on how the video would be regarded and presented had it been the woman who was overweight. Let me know what you think if you get a chance to look at it.
http://www.publishersweekly.com/blog/660000266/post/1700050170.html#comments
Finally, I rediscovered this poem while browsing for something in My Documents:
God speaks to each of us as he makes us,
then walks with us silently out of the night.
These are words we dimly hear:
You, sent out beyond your recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
Embody me.
Flare up like flame
and make big shadows I can move in.
Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don't let yourself lose me.
Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousnes.
Give me your hand.
~ Rainer Maria Rilke ~
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