Completed my food log Tuesday. Dinner was with a friend at Panera's, and I knew what I was having thanks to their excellent nutrition calculator. I'm 2 days into my 21 day challenge.
As always happens when I am being careful and conscious of what I eat (and aware of calorie totals throughout the day), I'm looking for ways to shave calories. This can be a good thing, of course, but I feel my disordered eating/thinking stirring. I am writing it here to be honest and stay accountable. I'm aware of trying to leave myself a whole bunch of calories going into dinner so I have "enough" to allow after dinner intake given that is my hardest time of day. Hard to admit that, and as I write this I realize I'm enabling myself and the bad habit of evening snacking. I don't want to do that, but I also know I can't change everything at once. At least if I stay at or under my daily calorie allotment (thanks to this all-important tracking), I'm doing better than when I'm just eating with reckless abandon.
I'd like to say that I'm going to stop eating after 7 p.m. That's my intention. But it's not part of my 21 day challenge right now. I will stay accountable with this issue as well, and hopefully will find more success gradually with the 7 p.m. cut off.
So many more wacko food thoughts I could discuss, but I will save them for another post. One craziness at a time. And I'm feeling guardedly optimistic for today.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Log rollin'
Hi guys - I'm humbled and delighted that Miz re-commented on my last post, saying simply, "checking on you...". I really appreciate that, Carla. And it never ceases to amaze me that you pop onto my blog ever, much less leave a comment. Thanks for giving me a little nudge!
I haven't posted in a week, but things are going well. I'm still logging my food on MFP daily, though over the weekend I didn't complete my logging. I think I got a little bogged down with trying to accurately document what all went into a pot vegetarian chili I made Saturday, and so like any bona fide RESISTENT food fanatic/addict trying to get my act together, I just didn't do it Saturday night. That made it easy to not do it Sunday, either. Bad, bad, bad. Typical.
Oh - another thing that seems strange to me about logging is that when I enter my exercise time into the diary, it immediately ups my calorie allotment for the day (according to whatever activity is logged), so I've eaten a few times more than I needed or would have had the calories not been upped because of the exercise. I was feeling guilty about it until it dawned on me yesterday that just because I "earned" more calories for 45 minutes of fast walking, I didn't HAVE to eat more. So yesterday I was under my adjusted allotment for the day by 251 calories! Last week when I figured out why I could eat more, I just did. DOH! It's nice to earn extra, but it certainly isn't a requirement to eat them. BUT it's nice to know that if I'm really hungry (very rare), there is something available without going over my basic daily amount.
But I'm back with a vengeance, having started yesterday. I am committing to daily for one week - no excuses, no bull sh*t. Helen had noted in a comment when I started writing about logging on MFP that it takes 21 days to change a habit. Yeah, yeah, thought I. But obviously she knew of what she spoke. The she had a great post today that referenced her earlier wisdom about the 21 days for habit change, and it jolted me right between the eyes.
I'm stating here, in front of all you grown ups, that I am going to log for 21 days. I'll be accountable each day by posting here, even if it's only to report another day, though given my long winded-ness, it will likely be more than a one liner. I've got one day in the can - 20 more to go. As always...one day at a time.
I haven't posted in a week, but things are going well. I'm still logging my food on MFP daily, though over the weekend I didn't complete my logging. I think I got a little bogged down with trying to accurately document what all went into a pot vegetarian chili I made Saturday, and so like any bona fide RESISTENT food fanatic/addict trying to get my act together, I just didn't do it Saturday night. That made it easy to not do it Sunday, either. Bad, bad, bad. Typical.
Oh - another thing that seems strange to me about logging is that when I enter my exercise time into the diary, it immediately ups my calorie allotment for the day (according to whatever activity is logged), so I've eaten a few times more than I needed or would have had the calories not been upped because of the exercise. I was feeling guilty about it until it dawned on me yesterday that just because I "earned" more calories for 45 minutes of fast walking, I didn't HAVE to eat more. So yesterday I was under my adjusted allotment for the day by 251 calories! Last week when I figured out why I could eat more, I just did. DOH! It's nice to earn extra, but it certainly isn't a requirement to eat them. BUT it's nice to know that if I'm really hungry (very rare), there is something available without going over my basic daily amount.
But I'm back with a vengeance, having started yesterday. I am committing to daily for one week - no excuses, no bull sh*t. Helen had noted in a comment when I started writing about logging on MFP that it takes 21 days to change a habit. Yeah, yeah, thought I. But obviously she knew of what she spoke. The she had a great post today that referenced her earlier wisdom about the 21 days for habit change, and it jolted me right between the eyes.
I'm stating here, in front of all you grown ups, that I am going to log for 21 days. I'll be accountable each day by posting here, even if it's only to report another day, though given my long winded-ness, it will likely be more than a one liner. I've got one day in the can - 20 more to go. As always...one day at a time.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Hanging in
This had to be the shortest weekend I've ever experienced and now beginning another Monday. AARG. Thankfully my work has been good and not as annoying and frustrating as it often is, so I take comfort in that, while I knock on wood and throw salt over my shoulder in fervent hope that I didn't just jinx my work life. It always cycles back and forth between ridiculous and decent, so it's inevitable that at some point I'll be again lamenting "the idiots" here. Right now they're mostly good co-workers and even a few friends.
Talk about digressing! Mainly I just want to note that I completed my food journal through yesterday with the exception of derailing a little on Saturday to the tune of not tracking after lunch. My eating hasn't been perfect, but it's been incredibly better and I'm making choices on a daily basis of what to eat based on my daily calorie allotment. I may go in and fine tune some of the breakdowns of carbs, protein, fats, etc, because MFP recommendations would have me eating over 212 grams of carbs daily and just 59 grams of protein. Definitely not how I roll - I've dabbled with low carbing so much over the years that I tend to lower carb intake and much higher protein - UNLESS I'm in crazy binge mode and then all bets are off.
Yesterday morning I got on the scale and was surprised/delighted/motivated by seeing that I'd lost 4 pounds! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou.....! I really wasn't sure what to expect because I'm not noticing much difference in my clothes, except hooking bras on the next row in is comfortable, and it wasn't about a month ago. It's a little thing, but in the comfort realm, a BIG thing.
Over the weekend I had a right calf strain that is beginning to feel better. I didn't do anything different than usual and don't recall a twist or a torque. I did do a pretty hilly power walk on Thursday afternoon that was about 3.5 miles and used my right leg/hip/side to try to move an occupied wheelchair I didn't realize was locked, so that was likely the source, so Saturday I didn't exercise at all, but did do my baseline 45 minute walk and was fine. Have an after work walk planned for today as well - hopefully longer.
That's all. I'm trying to stay accountable here for now - for myself. I'm really loving MFP and feel guardedly optimistic that I can sustain the tracking. My goal is every single day, but I can only do it one entry at a time.
Here's to a good week for us all. I'm looking forward to reading about FitBloggin that happened this weekend!
Talk about digressing! Mainly I just want to note that I completed my food journal through yesterday with the exception of derailing a little on Saturday to the tune of not tracking after lunch. My eating hasn't been perfect, but it's been incredibly better and I'm making choices on a daily basis of what to eat based on my daily calorie allotment. I may go in and fine tune some of the breakdowns of carbs, protein, fats, etc, because MFP recommendations would have me eating over 212 grams of carbs daily and just 59 grams of protein. Definitely not how I roll - I've dabbled with low carbing so much over the years that I tend to lower carb intake and much higher protein - UNLESS I'm in crazy binge mode and then all bets are off.
Yesterday morning I got on the scale and was surprised/delighted/motivated by seeing that I'd lost 4 pounds! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou.....! I really wasn't sure what to expect because I'm not noticing much difference in my clothes, except hooking bras on the next row in is comfortable, and it wasn't about a month ago. It's a little thing, but in the comfort realm, a BIG thing.
Over the weekend I had a right calf strain that is beginning to feel better. I didn't do anything different than usual and don't recall a twist or a torque. I did do a pretty hilly power walk on Thursday afternoon that was about 3.5 miles and used my right leg/hip/side to try to move an occupied wheelchair I didn't realize was locked, so that was likely the source, so Saturday I didn't exercise at all, but did do my baseline 45 minute walk and was fine. Have an after work walk planned for today as well - hopefully longer.
That's all. I'm trying to stay accountable here for now - for myself. I'm really loving MFP and feel guardedly optimistic that I can sustain the tracking. My goal is every single day, but I can only do it one entry at a time.
Here's to a good week for us all. I'm looking forward to reading about FitBloggin that happened this weekend!
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Wheels still on
Yesterday I tracked every molecule that went into my belly, and I stayed just under my daily allotment! Made wise choices to enable that and ate nothing after 7:30. Striving for 7pm being the end of the affair, er eating for the day, but hubby often doesn't get home until almost 6:45 and if I'm being social I wait. I told him last night that I want to eat by 6:30 when possible and he was fine with that. For some reason he likes to eat dinner with me!
Why My Fitness Pal? As I said yesterday, it is the most user friendly tracker my feeble brain has found, and it doesn't feel too full of itself. I'm still getting to know my newest friend, but the entering of food, and particularly portion sizes, is so much easier than any other I've tried. I'm feeling the pull to write it BEFORE I bite it (thanks Helen) and then have a couple minutes where I think that I need to catch up with what I've logged! A mind game, but I'll take it.
What a world, where you can document this stuff anywhere, anytime! Reason alone to have a smart phone. That, and Words With Friends, my other addiction.
Hard to believe it's Thursday already - this week has flown by. (Yikes, did I just jinx the last 2 days of this week?) Tonight I'm going to dinner with a friend, and I'm going to suggest Panera, where I can preview the day's soups and menu online and have it all tallied before I even get there. I also have a power walk scheduled for right after work with another friend, so it should be a good day.
On a different note - this morning at 5:45, I checked my email and also checked to see if our son Mark (who is in the republic of Georgia) happened to be on Google chat. I try several times daily and rarely find him there. Today he was on, and we had a wonderful 45 minute talk. He was talking to his girlfriend at the same time (who's in a village about an hour from his), so that's likely why he stayed on so long. It was an amazing gift, and I learned more about his life and the country.
I'm off to eat my already logged Fage )% with strawberries - have a good day friends!
Why My Fitness Pal? As I said yesterday, it is the most user friendly tracker my feeble brain has found, and it doesn't feel too full of itself. I'm still getting to know my newest friend, but the entering of food, and particularly portion sizes, is so much easier than any other I've tried. I'm feeling the pull to write it BEFORE I bite it (thanks Helen) and then have a couple minutes where I think that I need to catch up with what I've logged! A mind game, but I'll take it.
What a world, where you can document this stuff anywhere, anytime! Reason alone to have a smart phone. That, and Words With Friends, my other addiction.
Hard to believe it's Thursday already - this week has flown by. (Yikes, did I just jinx the last 2 days of this week?) Tonight I'm going to dinner with a friend, and I'm going to suggest Panera, where I can preview the day's soups and menu online and have it all tallied before I even get there. I also have a power walk scheduled for right after work with another friend, so it should be a good day.
On a different note - this morning at 5:45, I checked my email and also checked to see if our son Mark (who is in the republic of Georgia) happened to be on Google chat. I try several times daily and rarely find him there. Today he was on, and we had a wonderful 45 minute talk. He was talking to his girlfriend at the same time (who's in a village about an hour from his), so that's likely why he stayed on so long. It was an amazing gift, and I learned more about his life and the country.
I'm off to eat my already logged Fage )% with strawberries - have a good day friends!
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
On track
"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there." Will Rogers
This post is less about reporting that I'm literally "on track" with my food and fitness programs, and more about reflecting on finally tracking my food - every bite - everyday. I'm an authority, you know...having religiously tracked for the last 2 days. But really doing it 100% has already opened my eyes in strange, horrific, but also interesting ways, and that's what I want to reflect on here.
Brief background: I've made lukewarm to thready attempts in the past to track everything. A few times since starting this blog in 2009 I had brief stints with on-line tracking - most notably Spark People and Calorie Count. I never once (in the vast 4-5 days total that I pursued these) put in everything that went into the temple. Either I couldn't get my info into their various tracking systems accurately, or I couldn't find items in the databases, or I didn't want to own the 50 Rosemary Olive Oil Triscuits eaten at 9 pm. (Yes. 50.)
A dozen or so times I started hand-written food journals, with pretty notebooks and flowery new pens in jewel tone inks, doing a Leslisimulation of the on line sites. Problem: I still had to look up calories, or carbs, or something that was as user-unfriendly as the attempted activities mentioned in paragraph 2. And without meaningful data (even as opposed to the simple discipline of logging the food only), it became another exercise (no pun intended) in futility, and was unsustainable for my eating disordered, screwed up mind.
Fast forward to Monday, September 17, 2012 - aka the first day of the rest of my life. (Um, isn't every day that?) I'd already been dabbling with My Fitness Pal for awhile (only in terms of bookmarking it, adding the app to my phone, and entering in my stats and goals as they request/suggest. I started out good - breakfast and lunch logged in with the running totals of the big categories (calories, carbs, proteins, and most important - WHAT IS LEFT TO EAT for the rest of the day) while at work. I'm always good at work, except when I'm not. Usually I am. When I'm not it's going to be a very bad (read: high intake) day. I digress.
I let it go after getting home. My conscious mind says I forgot about it. My Freudian mind says, "cut the bullshit, Leslie". I didn't finish the day so don't know what my totals were or what it felt like sticking to my goal intake or a little less. So my first paragraph claim to have tracked for 2 days was not entirely true. 1.5 days.
Yesterday the rubber met the road - almost. There were sparks, but firm contact didn't happen until this morning when I completed yesterday's logging. In went breakfast, lunch, after work snack. My total indicated that left me something like 450 calories for dinner and beyond (though beyond is not a requirement - I get that but I've been going beyond a lot and know that after dinner is my toughest time so I wanted to leave some room for that possibility - though it became an eventuality yesterday).
Harumph! Want more. So I went back into the tools and recalculated my weekly weight loss goal from 2 pounds to 1.5 pounds. Your daily amount is calculated according to your weight and how fast you want to lose. (There is no option for higher than 2 pounds a week or you can bet I'd have selected it, and then been even more disgruntled over how fast my daily allotment dwindled!) Anyway, the increased amount of calories (I think about 150) made it much more palatable - HA - another pun.
Well - I got through dinner and an after dinner snack at about my exact amount. Well done, and done by changing a few things along the way, like having spaghetti squash instead of cauliflower rice (which has olive oil). This was starting to feel like making smarter choices - ding ding ding!
In trying to shorten this, I will say that I ended up having a couple more "snacks" last night, telling myself to log them, even if I went over. I couldn't bring myself to do it last night, but I did it this morning. Eye opening, to say the least, and I was absolutely honest in amounts, if anything overestimating a bit. It was truly startling. I'd managed to consume almost 700 calories over my limit. But it was there in black and white.
I feel like I am already getting the wisdom of tracking week in a way I never have. Obviously this is a dubious start and it's unlikely I'm going to be made tracking poster girl any time soon. But I learned a few things: 1) knowing exactly what I'm eating makes me think about it a lot more 2) watching the calories pile up (or drain from the daily allotment) enables me to make choices and I assume more responsibility and accountability for my eating 3) my disordered thinking about eating and my disordered eating are alive and well 4) if I let my guard down and decide to just "wing it", I will start an up-the-scale crawl that I know I don't want.
Today I intend to do it again, and try to leave out the after-after dinner snacks. But at least I commit to logging them in the same day, because even that will be progress.
This post is less about reporting that I'm literally "on track" with my food and fitness programs, and more about reflecting on finally tracking my food - every bite - everyday. I'm an authority, you know...having religiously tracked for the last 2 days. But really doing it 100% has already opened my eyes in strange, horrific, but also interesting ways, and that's what I want to reflect on here.
Brief background: I've made lukewarm to thready attempts in the past to track everything. A few times since starting this blog in 2009 I had brief stints with on-line tracking - most notably Spark People and Calorie Count. I never once (in the vast 4-5 days total that I pursued these) put in everything that went into the temple. Either I couldn't get my info into their various tracking systems accurately, or I couldn't find items in the databases, or I didn't want to own the 50 Rosemary Olive Oil Triscuits eaten at 9 pm. (Yes. 50.)
A dozen or so times I started hand-written food journals, with pretty notebooks and flowery new pens in jewel tone inks, doing a Leslisimulation of the on line sites. Problem: I still had to look up calories, or carbs, or something that was as user-unfriendly as the attempted activities mentioned in paragraph 2. And without meaningful data (even as opposed to the simple discipline of logging the food only), it became another exercise (no pun intended) in futility, and was unsustainable for my eating disordered, screwed up mind.
Fast forward to Monday, September 17, 2012 - aka the first day of the rest of my life. (Um, isn't every day that?) I'd already been dabbling with My Fitness Pal for awhile (only in terms of bookmarking it, adding the app to my phone, and entering in my stats and goals as they request/suggest. I started out good - breakfast and lunch logged in with the running totals of the big categories (calories, carbs, proteins, and most important - WHAT IS LEFT TO EAT for the rest of the day) while at work. I'm always good at work, except when I'm not. Usually I am. When I'm not it's going to be a very bad (read: high intake) day. I digress.
I let it go after getting home. My conscious mind says I forgot about it. My Freudian mind says, "cut the bullshit, Leslie". I didn't finish the day so don't know what my totals were or what it felt like sticking to my goal intake or a little less. So my first paragraph claim to have tracked for 2 days was not entirely true. 1.5 days.
Yesterday the rubber met the road - almost. There were sparks, but firm contact didn't happen until this morning when I completed yesterday's logging. In went breakfast, lunch, after work snack. My total indicated that left me something like 450 calories for dinner and beyond (though beyond is not a requirement - I get that but I've been going beyond a lot and know that after dinner is my toughest time so I wanted to leave some room for that possibility - though it became an eventuality yesterday).
Harumph! Want more. So I went back into the tools and recalculated my weekly weight loss goal from 2 pounds to 1.5 pounds. Your daily amount is calculated according to your weight and how fast you want to lose. (There is no option for higher than 2 pounds a week or you can bet I'd have selected it, and then been even more disgruntled over how fast my daily allotment dwindled!) Anyway, the increased amount of calories (I think about 150) made it much more palatable - HA - another pun.
Well - I got through dinner and an after dinner snack at about my exact amount. Well done, and done by changing a few things along the way, like having spaghetti squash instead of cauliflower rice (which has olive oil). This was starting to feel like making smarter choices - ding ding ding!
In trying to shorten this, I will say that I ended up having a couple more "snacks" last night, telling myself to log them, even if I went over. I couldn't bring myself to do it last night, but I did it this morning. Eye opening, to say the least, and I was absolutely honest in amounts, if anything overestimating a bit. It was truly startling. I'd managed to consume almost 700 calories over my limit. But it was there in black and white.
I feel like I am already getting the wisdom of tracking week in a way I never have. Obviously this is a dubious start and it's unlikely I'm going to be made tracking poster girl any time soon. But I learned a few things: 1) knowing exactly what I'm eating makes me think about it a lot more 2) watching the calories pile up (or drain from the daily allotment) enables me to make choices and I assume more responsibility and accountability for my eating 3) my disordered thinking about eating and my disordered eating are alive and well 4) if I let my guard down and decide to just "wing it", I will start an up-the-scale crawl that I know I don't want.
Today I intend to do it again, and try to leave out the after-after dinner snacks. But at least I commit to logging them in the same day, because even that will be progress.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Long post - proceed with caution or just fly by
Okay. I'm tired of not posting, though I'm not sure what I have to write about. I keep commenting on others' blogs, and feel jealous that those folks have interesting comments to read!! Last night at dinner, Hubby asked me, "What's happening with your blog?" Um, not a whole lot, darling. He went on to ask how I was feeding my writing jones, and it dawned on me that I wasn't, and haven't been for awhile. And that I miss it. This is a rare situation over which I have power! So here I is, happy to be back in the blogging realm.
It's been an interesting summer, what with kids being home and then leaving - really leaving - for distant places. The empty nest I've craved for so long feels too empty now. Too quiet. Like it's time to fill it with some grandchildren or something, but that isn't likely to happen for awhile, even though all 3 of our kids are in pretty serious and committed relationships. No engagements or weddings yet, and while I know marriage isn't necessarily a prerequisite for having children, we old fashioned grandparent wannabes would certainly like for our grandchildren to come along in that traditional way. Especially hubby, who actually should have been around in the Victorian Age, where propriety and rigid moral tenets ruled the days (allegedly - I'm pretty sure a lot of fooling around went on then, too). I digress...all 3 kids are doing fine, and I miss them like crazy. The empty nest would be a lot better if the kids were living within a 4 hour drive said domicile. Or even across town. Maybe someday.
Hmmm - I'm getting overly wordy here, which makes me think it's been too long since I've sat down to just write stuff other than work related emails and such.
Our daughter is officially ex-Peace Corps Volunteer, having closed her service in mid May. Originally we thought she'd be coming back to the states and be wherever her Dominican boyfriend ended up in MBA school. Turns out he only applied to the very top MBA programs (he already has a Masters in Econ.), and while he got interviews at the top 3 (Wharton, Stanford and Kellogg at Northwestern), he didn't get in any this year, so will continue in his current job and apply for 2013. This meant that the goo-goo eyed couple would have to be long distance lovers, unless...Jean decided to stay and get a job in Santo Domingo. Which is what has happened. She's teaching at a bi-lingual school - 3 separate AP classes. Good grief - one AP would be daunting, but 3! She has 2 sections of AP Lit, one English, and one US History. I can't imagine the prep work involved, but she's pretty excited, and also able to not get too overwhelmed because she knows she'll only do this for one year, after which she and Cesar will come to the US. I hope! She's blissfully happy with Cesar, and we love him too. Great guy from a great family. Stay tuned.
Oldest son Stephen is working on his cousin's farm in Berea, Kentucky. This is a good arrangement for him, and puts him closer than the organic farm he worked on in Northern California last year. We're hoping that he'll decide to finish up his college degree in Berea while he's at it, but wouldn't dare say that too him! It's great that he's with family - just keeps the ties closer.
Baby boy Mark (who turns 24 on the 30th of this month) is in the Republic of Georgia (over near Russia), teaching ESL at a public school in a small town. His chose Georgia b/c his girlfriend who just joined the Peace Corps got sent there, and she'll be doing the same thing. Her permanent site turns out to be less than an hour from Mark's placement, so they are able to get together fairly often. He is the hardest one for us to connect with - we cannot talk on the phone, and his internet availability is sparse at best. The only way we communicate is via email, and occasional Google chat - but no where near often enough. I actually feel a visceral longing to talk to him - it's the farthest away, in every sense, any of my children have ever been, and just writing this is making me well up. Our family is very close, and we stay in touch a good bit, so this is really hard - having one we can't access easily by some technological method! He's doing fine - and once in awhile he posts something on Facebook, or Brittany (gf) writes a blog post and puts up pictures that include Mark. Even she has limited internet access, despite the Peace Corps connection.
Whoa - it sounds like I'm writing a Christmas card letter! I think I needed to document some of this stuff to sort it our in my head. Thanks for indulging me - or just skipping this logorrhea and not judging!
I haven't been on the scale in over 2 weeks. My too large size clothes are fitting like always. I'm been lingering in 205-208 range which means maintaining at a place I'd rather not be. I'm ready to get back to working on losing weight again. I've been getting lots of exercise which has likely helped me maintain rather than gain. Summer is usually a good time for me to drop some pounds, but this summer I'm grateful to have stayed put. End of spring I was around 216 which is definitely the YIKES zone, so at least I've gotten that excess off and will not find it again!
That's it for now. Hubby leaves tomorrow for a full 7 day business trip to Big Spring, Texas, speaking of the empty nest. I usually love when he's away, but 7 days is a bit much. However I'll survive and THRIVE, because I can keep dinners simple and without the potatoes and meat that he really likes. I've actually gotten into tofu, and have been eating almost no animal meat (but yes to dairy and eggs), and loving that. Have a good weekend friends!
It's been an interesting summer, what with kids being home and then leaving - really leaving - for distant places. The empty nest I've craved for so long feels too empty now. Too quiet. Like it's time to fill it with some grandchildren or something, but that isn't likely to happen for awhile, even though all 3 of our kids are in pretty serious and committed relationships. No engagements or weddings yet, and while I know marriage isn't necessarily a prerequisite for having children, we old fashioned grandparent wannabes would certainly like for our grandchildren to come along in that traditional way. Especially hubby, who actually should have been around in the Victorian Age, where propriety and rigid moral tenets ruled the days (allegedly - I'm pretty sure a lot of fooling around went on then, too). I digress...all 3 kids are doing fine, and I miss them like crazy. The empty nest would be a lot better if the kids were living within a 4 hour drive said domicile. Or even across town. Maybe someday.
Hmmm - I'm getting overly wordy here, which makes me think it's been too long since I've sat down to just write stuff other than work related emails and such.
Our daughter is officially ex-Peace Corps Volunteer, having closed her service in mid May. Originally we thought she'd be coming back to the states and be wherever her Dominican boyfriend ended up in MBA school. Turns out he only applied to the very top MBA programs (he already has a Masters in Econ.), and while he got interviews at the top 3 (Wharton, Stanford and Kellogg at Northwestern), he didn't get in any this year, so will continue in his current job and apply for 2013. This meant that the goo-goo eyed couple would have to be long distance lovers, unless...Jean decided to stay and get a job in Santo Domingo. Which is what has happened. She's teaching at a bi-lingual school - 3 separate AP classes. Good grief - one AP would be daunting, but 3! She has 2 sections of AP Lit, one English, and one US History. I can't imagine the prep work involved, but she's pretty excited, and also able to not get too overwhelmed because she knows she'll only do this for one year, after which she and Cesar will come to the US. I hope! She's blissfully happy with Cesar, and we love him too. Great guy from a great family. Stay tuned.
Oldest son Stephen is working on his cousin's farm in Berea, Kentucky. This is a good arrangement for him, and puts him closer than the organic farm he worked on in Northern California last year. We're hoping that he'll decide to finish up his college degree in Berea while he's at it, but wouldn't dare say that too him! It's great that he's with family - just keeps the ties closer.
Baby boy Mark (who turns 24 on the 30th of this month) is in the Republic of Georgia (over near Russia), teaching ESL at a public school in a small town. His chose Georgia b/c his girlfriend who just joined the Peace Corps got sent there, and she'll be doing the same thing. Her permanent site turns out to be less than an hour from Mark's placement, so they are able to get together fairly often. He is the hardest one for us to connect with - we cannot talk on the phone, and his internet availability is sparse at best. The only way we communicate is via email, and occasional Google chat - but no where near often enough. I actually feel a visceral longing to talk to him - it's the farthest away, in every sense, any of my children have ever been, and just writing this is making me well up. Our family is very close, and we stay in touch a good bit, so this is really hard - having one we can't access easily by some technological method! He's doing fine - and once in awhile he posts something on Facebook, or Brittany (gf) writes a blog post and puts up pictures that include Mark. Even she has limited internet access, despite the Peace Corps connection.
Whoa - it sounds like I'm writing a Christmas card letter! I think I needed to document some of this stuff to sort it our in my head. Thanks for indulging me - or just skipping this logorrhea and not judging!
I haven't been on the scale in over 2 weeks. My too large size clothes are fitting like always. I'm been lingering in 205-208 range which means maintaining at a place I'd rather not be. I'm ready to get back to working on losing weight again. I've been getting lots of exercise which has likely helped me maintain rather than gain. Summer is usually a good time for me to drop some pounds, but this summer I'm grateful to have stayed put. End of spring I was around 216 which is definitely the YIKES zone, so at least I've gotten that excess off and will not find it again!
That's it for now. Hubby leaves tomorrow for a full 7 day business trip to Big Spring, Texas, speaking of the empty nest. I usually love when he's away, but 7 days is a bit much. However I'll survive and THRIVE, because I can keep dinners simple and without the potatoes and meat that he really likes. I've actually gotten into tofu, and have been eating almost no animal meat (but yes to dairy and eggs), and loving that. Have a good weekend friends!
Sunday, August 5, 2012
21 Gun Salute
I've been reading and commenting, but not posting for a bit, and not missing posting too much. Maybe it's summer, maybe my words have dried up temporarily (the written ones only, because I've still been yakkative as always!). But today is a biggie for me that I've shared on my blog since I started it in 2009, and I'm feeling just darned good enough about myself to tell my blog buds...
Today I am celebrating 21 years of sobriety! Feels great. August 5, 1991 was a very dark day for me. I'd hit yet another embarrassing bottom with alcohol and felt lower than a snake's belly. How could I know when I stumbled in to an AA meeting I'd started attending a couple of months before and confessed that I'd "done it again" that it was the beginning of a new life for me? I'd tried a thousand times on my own. I'd tried a couple times in AA. I seriously doubted that I even wanted to stop drinking, but I knew I wanted to stop hurting, and that I wanted my life to stop being a mess. Could it really be the booze that was dragging me down?
To this day, I don't know why then, why me, why not me....but I do know that very slowly, VERY slowly, I began to get better. I went back to a meeting the next day - which I hadn't done before. Why? Hell if I know. I (and countless other recovering friends) feel immensely grateful, truly in awe of the gift of sobriety, and quite literally like I was chosen by God for this. Didn't deserve it, didn't even want it.
But I sure want it now.
Today I am celebrating 21 years of sobriety! Feels great. August 5, 1991 was a very dark day for me. I'd hit yet another embarrassing bottom with alcohol and felt lower than a snake's belly. How could I know when I stumbled in to an AA meeting I'd started attending a couple of months before and confessed that I'd "done it again" that it was the beginning of a new life for me? I'd tried a thousand times on my own. I'd tried a couple times in AA. I seriously doubted that I even wanted to stop drinking, but I knew I wanted to stop hurting, and that I wanted my life to stop being a mess. Could it really be the booze that was dragging me down?
To this day, I don't know why then, why me, why not me....but I do know that very slowly, VERY slowly, I began to get better. I went back to a meeting the next day - which I hadn't done before. Why? Hell if I know. I (and countless other recovering friends) feel immensely grateful, truly in awe of the gift of sobriety, and quite literally like I was chosen by God for this. Didn't deserve it, didn't even want it.
But I sure want it now.
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