I'm high-5ing myself today and daring to be optimistic about some miniscule progress related to my last post. This morning, as scheduled, I went and had my routine blood work drawn that I've put off for months. My blood is out there in the ether to be looked at and to reveal the general status of my health. In the past, I used to play drama queen (to myself only) after walking out of a lab, thinking, "well, the die is cast", with emphasis on the "die"! Brother - I'm really getting tired of myself with that stuff and see that I can make a choice to be optimistic or pessimistic. Whatever is, IS. Not knowing not only doesn't help or change anything, it fuels my anxiety. The long-held fear dates back to my childhood, and while I know from where it stems, it's very hard to navigate at times. But the only way through is through.
Upon getting to work, I also scheduled my mammogram for this Monday. It's late as well, because I'd cancelled one back in October and never got around to rescheduling. I got an appointment early in the morning, which is my best and brightest time of day, and I'm highly unlikely to chicken out or be "too busy". I'll have it done and be able to get to work early. While I don't love these boob-flattening fests, they don't breed dread and fear in me the way having my blood drawn does.
Finally, I go to a fancy schmancy practice GYN care. The woman gyn. doc I see is no longer accepting new clients, and you have to schedule your annual exam as you leave from your current one, or you might have to wait for well over a year. I also cancelled that appointment last summer, and never rescheduled. This morning I called to do so, figuring it would probably be late fall before I'd get in, and by some miracle was told that my doc had a cancellation for this Tuesday at 10:30, so I grabbed it! I'll just take the day off since it's in the middle of the day. This also doesn't get me too worked up, though I know she'll gently mention my weight, as always. Maybe at next year's app't, that won't be an issue! It could, and should, happen.
Seems like the universe is opening up a sliver for me to take better care of myself, both in having ideal time slots available for what I need, and suspending some of my resistance and fear about health issues. For someone who's been very healthy my whole life, it's strange that I hate these routine procedures. But I also know how good it feels to know things are well, and if they aren't, that I am following through on my own behalf. Details to follow.
Oh - and my food and eating have improved for the last few days. That helps for sure.
Attagirl, indeed.
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone. I have read many posts on these three topics (blood, pap, mammo). I have also read many a post on dental cleanings. And driver's licences and license plates too. I have the same issue with opening the mail. And sometimes going to bed at night (for fear of what the next day might bring, when all is well in this day). Anxiety is always based in fear. Why we are all so afraid, I am not sure.
ReplyDeleteHigh Five!!! Good on ya for taking care of these things. :)
ReplyDeleteHaving medical procedures has always been a fearful process for me too! I worry about what will be discovered, so I postpone, cancel, and just plain ignore. I do have an appointment with my doctor for late April, and I plan to keep it--for a change. I think not wanting to get on the scale enters into it, as well. Your resolve is encouraging to me!
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