Friday, August 24, 2012

Long post - proceed with caution or just fly by

Okay.  I'm tired of not posting, though I'm not sure what I have to write about.  I keep commenting on others' blogs, and feel jealous that those folks have interesting comments to read!!   Last night at dinner, Hubby asked me, "What's happening with your blog?"  Um, not a whole lot, darling.  He went on to ask how I was feeding my writing jones, and it dawned on me that I wasn't, and haven't been for awhile.  And that I miss it.  This is a rare situation over which I have power!   So here I is, happy to be back in the blogging realm.

It's been an interesting summer, what with kids being home and then leaving - really leaving - for distant places.  The empty nest I've craved for so long feels too empty now.  Too quiet.  Like it's time to fill it with some grandchildren or something, but that isn't likely to happen for awhile, even though all 3 of our kids are in pretty serious and committed relationships.  No engagements or weddings yet, and while I know  marriage isn't necessarily a prerequisite for having children, we old fashioned grandparent wannabes would certainly like for our grandchildren to come along in that traditional way.  Especially hubby, who actually should have been around in the Victorian Age, where propriety and rigid moral tenets ruled the days (allegedly - I'm pretty sure a lot of fooling around went on then, too).  I digress...all 3 kids are doing fine, and I miss them like crazy.  The empty nest would be a lot better if the kids were living within a 4 hour drive said domicile.  Or even across town.  Maybe someday.

Hmmm - I'm getting overly wordy here, which makes me think it's been too long since I've sat down to just write stuff other than work related emails and such.

Our daughter is officially ex-Peace Corps Volunteer, having closed her service in mid May.  Originally we thought she'd be coming back to the states and be wherever her Dominican boyfriend ended up in MBA school.  Turns out he only applied to the very top MBA programs (he already has a Masters in Econ.), and while he got interviews at the top 3 (Wharton, Stanford and Kellogg at Northwestern), he didn't get in any this year, so will continue in his current job and apply for 2013.  This meant that the goo-goo eyed couple would have to be long distance lovers, unless...Jean decided to stay and get a job in Santo Domingo.  Which is what has happened.  She's teaching at a bi-lingual school - 3 separate AP classes.   Good grief - one AP would be daunting, but 3!  She has 2 sections of AP Lit, one English, and one US History.  I can't imagine the prep work involved, but she's pretty excited, and also able to not get too overwhelmed because she knows she'll only do this for one year, after which she and Cesar will come to the US.  I hope!  She's blissfully happy with Cesar, and we love him too.  Great guy from a great family.  Stay tuned.

Oldest son Stephen is working on his cousin's farm in Berea, Kentucky.  This is a good arrangement for him, and puts him closer than the organic farm he worked on in Northern California last year.  We're hoping that he'll decide to finish up his college degree in Berea while he's at it, but wouldn't dare say that too him!  It's great that he's with family - just keeps the ties closer.

Baby boy Mark (who turns 24 on the 30th of this month) is in the Republic of Georgia (over near Russia), teaching ESL at a public school in a small town.  His chose Georgia b/c his girlfriend who just joined the Peace Corps got sent there, and she'll be doing the same thing.  Her permanent site turns out to be less than an hour from Mark's placement, so they are able to get together fairly often.  He is the hardest one for us to connect with - we cannot talk on the phone, and his internet availability is sparse at best.  The only way we communicate is via email, and occasional Google chat - but no where near often enough.  I actually feel a visceral longing to talk to him - it's the farthest away, in every sense, any of my children have ever been, and just writing this is making me well up.  Our family is very close, and we stay in touch a good bit, so this is really hard - having one we can't access easily by some technological method!  He's doing fine - and once in awhile he posts something on Facebook, or Brittany (gf) writes a blog post and puts up pictures that include Mark.  Even she has limited internet access, despite the Peace Corps connection.

Whoa - it sounds like I'm writing a Christmas card letter!  I think I needed to document some of this stuff to sort it our in my head.  Thanks for indulging me - or just skipping this logorrhea and not judging!

I haven't been on the scale in over 2 weeks.  My too large size clothes are fitting like always.  I'm been lingering in 205-208 range which means maintaining at a place I'd rather not be.  I'm ready to get back to working on losing weight again.  I've been getting lots of exercise which has likely helped me maintain rather than gain.  Summer is usually a good time for me to drop some pounds, but this summer I'm grateful to have stayed put.  End of spring I was around 216 which is definitely the YIKES zone, so at least I've gotten that excess off and will not find it again!

That's it for now.  Hubby leaves tomorrow for a full 7 day business trip to Big Spring, Texas, speaking of the empty nest.  I usually love when he's away, but 7 days is a bit much.  However I'll survive and THRIVE, because I can keep dinners simple and without the potatoes and meat that he really likes.  I've actually gotten into tofu, and have been eating almost no animal meat (but yes to dairy and eggs), and loving that.  Have a good weekend friends!

Sunday, August 5, 2012

21 Gun Salute

I've been reading and commenting, but not posting for a bit, and not missing posting too much.  Maybe it's summer, maybe my words have dried up temporarily (the written ones only, because I've still been yakkative as always!).  But today is a biggie for me that I've shared on my blog since I started it in 2009, and I'm feeling just darned good enough about myself to tell my blog buds...

Today I am celebrating 21 years of  sobriety!  Feels great.  August 5, 1991 was a very dark day for me.  I'd hit yet another embarrassing bottom with alcohol and felt lower than a snake's belly.  How could I know when I stumbled in to an AA meeting I'd started attending a couple of months before and confessed that I'd "done it again" that it was the beginning of a new life for me?  I'd tried a thousand times on my own.  I'd tried a couple times in AA.  I seriously doubted that I even wanted to stop drinking, but I knew I wanted to stop hurting, and that I wanted my life to stop being a mess.  Could it really be the booze that was dragging me down?

To this day, I don't know why then, why me, why not me....but I do know that very slowly, VERY slowly, I began to get better.  I went back to a meeting the next day - which I hadn't done before.  Why?  Hell if I know.  I (and countless other recovering friends) feel immensely grateful, truly in awe of the gift of sobriety, and quite literally like I was chosen by God for this.  Didn't deserve it, didn't even want it.

But I sure want it now.