Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Wednesday whine list-not so much

I'll get to my quasi (for today) whine list in a minute, but first I just wanted to say that I lost a great friend and attended a funeral this week.

*No, praise God, it wasn't my close friend Lisa who I've written about here.*  She is my AA sponsor and amazing friend/mentor who was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer over 3 1/2 years ago, having never smoked a day in her life.  She continues to put one foot in front of the other - most recently undergoing gamma knife surgery for a large metastatic mass in her left hip.  Next week she will have a similar procedure over 3 days for a spot in the L5-S1 region of her spine.  Both these places have been treated with traditional radiation before that  yielded tremendous side effects, so the finer tuning of the new gamma knife procedures will hopefully help without making her so sick.  I probably will do a post on her and her remarkable brave journey with this cancer soon.  Witnessing her in this process has informed my life in many ways.

The friend I just recently lost was a guy from AA in his late 60s named Walt, who also had lung cancer.  But when he told me about it a little over a year ago and I expressed how sorry I was that he was having to go through it, he cracked, "Well, Babe, I smoked over goddam 50 years...I can hardly be surprised!"  He also faced his biggest challenge with a lot of grace and courage, though I didn't see much of him after finding out that he had cancer.

Walt had 26 years sober when he died, and before he got sick, was a fixture at many meetings, in service at several levels of the fellowship, and just as smart and funny as anyone I've ever known.  Smart, and WISE.  He was quick to extend himself to newcomers,  matter-of-fact with a no-nonsense approach and a call-you-on-your-shit style that, rather than being mean spirited, was always extended with humor and kindness.  I'm not going to say much more, other than he was locally famous in AA for always noting that "Sobriety is its own reward".  I always loved that, because so often people come in having lost a lot (family, homes, self respect...) and once they are starting to clean up and feel better and put together some sober time, things start getting better.  People who've lost their kids get them back, new jobs, new self respect - maybe for the first time ever.  BUT not always - sometimes the shit sandwiches keep coming, and you hear people say "I didn't get sober for THIS!"  And that's where Walt's sage words that sobriety is its own reward were so meaningful.  Not at the beginning...but with time the wisdom of that notion speaks volumes.  And about much more than giving up drinking.  Which leads me to the not-so-much whine...

On my last post, I had what was probably the only negative comment I've had since starting my blog in 2009.  Compared to negative comments I've read on other blogs, this was really not even negative.  I won't bore you with restating it - you can read it if you want here.  In summation, she said that she would no longer be reading my blog because I'm "playing" with weight loss", and that I needed a good "12-step kick in the ass".  This did not feel like a hater comment.  What is interesting is the reaction I had to it.

When I saw it, I immediately felt exposed.  Busted.  Publicly shamed.  My initial reaction was to delete it immediately so maybe no one would see it.  So here's the thing;  the person who called me on my shit (perhaps not as kindly as my buddy Walt) saw the IT before she wrote IT.  Part of the shame I felt was that I knew she was right.  I want to follow that with "at some level", but really, I am playing with weight loss.  I'll lose 5 pounds and then coast - translate:  eat back the 5 pounds over a few days.  Then call in the big guns again and whittle back off a few pounds.  It's been this way for me for a long time.

This all came to me within the few minutes after I saw the comment in the first place.  I left it there, because it was her opinion of what she was gleaning from my blog for however long she'd been reading it, not dripping with hate and acrimony.  Back in the beginning of this blog, I got into the very low 190's, starting from 220.  I was going to the gym regularly - following a program pretty closely and consistently.  I wish I could channel that Leslie back!  It's not that easy and it never will be.  I'm not giving up, and I hope that with enough staying on plan and doing the right things, there will be a new and improved Leslie that will be empower my/herself with her tenacity and progress.

Anyway - I am still sticking with mostly Paleo eating, and find it's a good fit for me.  I actually like unsweetened almond milk in my coffee.  I like having guilt free fruit.  I'm not a big dairy person, though I do miss plain NF Greek yogurt, but I've had a serving every other day or so.  Got in a 3.5 mile FAST walk yesterday with a friend, and am hitting the gym today, as it's supposed to rain.

I'm not giving up, and I'm not going anywhere but here.  I need all the blog world offers me.  And believe it or not, I actually thank "Kay", for having the brass to just state what she was seeing without being mean.

Friday, February 24, 2012

A couple things

I'm not going to whine on another day besides the Wednesday Whine List - but I just have to say that I forgot to mention on Wednesday that I'm entirely done with stupid people who were trained in certain skill areas - signed off on their training, and then claim ignorance and don't do things according to...TRAINING.  I've wasted about 3 hours this morning trying to set something right that was handled improperly, and it still isn't resolved.  If it wasn't Friday, I may have imploded by now.  Still might, but I'm leaving an hour early to take youngest son to the airport for a trip to Atlanta to see his girlfriend.  Implosion averted, hopefully.

I've had 2 days on plan, and 3 with no sugar.  Even though I generally don't give up things for Lent, I appreciate the idea of sacrificing something I really enjoy WITH the idea of reflecting on Greater sacrifices that have been made for me in many realms, including the Spritual realm.  With that in mind, I thought that my intention to give up sugar might have more staying power if I keep the idea of sacrificing out of gratitude rather than my FAT-itude.  (that just came to me...ain't I clever?)

It's amazing, as I've said a zillion times before, how quickly I feel physically clearer and better when I put down sugar, processed carbs, and overeating.  That seems to be a constant as it's happened to me over and over.  Glad to be in that place today.  Glad, and grateful.

Now back to my issue at work!  Have a great weekend, everyone.  I'm planning on finishing the 4th season of Dexter - it is SOOO good and unpredictable.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Wednesday whine list

1.  Blogger hasn't been one of the first things that comes to mind when I contemplate pet peeves and assorted annoyances, maybe because I didn't even look at blogs much over the 4 day weekend.  But 2 days back in and I'm really done with  Blogger's new word verification that requires not one, but 2 words to reproduce to prove I'm not a robot.  And on top of that, one of the words is always so F-ing distorted that I invariably have to go through the process twice because the distortion is so ridiculous.  I have good eyes people - need only 2.00 reading glasses.  I can see.  Is this really necessary?  Are they trying to weed out terrorists or something?

2.  My encroaching obsolescence.  This could actually be a full post, and maybe it will someday.  Inside, I feel pretty with-it and cool and 'of today', but at least daily something occurs that shows me I'm simply not.  (I AM cool for a baby-boomer, dammit.)  Living with two 20-something boys for the last couple months has driven this home.  I just looked on for the definition of "obsolete".   It has a list of 5 items defining the adjective, and thankfully they don't all apply.  But # 2 says, "of a discarded or outmoded type; out of date; example: an obsolete battleship."  I don't feel discarded in any way, but outmoded?  Um, yes.  Example:  an obsolete battle axe.   Having a high snark quotient and attending a couple Led Zeppelin concerts in my day makes me an interesting relic.  Who's obsolete.

3.  Ignorant people who walk into my office when I'm on the phone and just stare at me.  Even after I kindly acknowledge with a nod and point to the phone, only to be asked, "Oh! Are you on the phone?"  No lie, this happens fairly often.

4.  People who don't use their turn signals when you're waiting to make a left turn, and they're coming toward you and suddenly make their own left turn, which they can do because my signal is clicking and they know it's safe to do.

5.  People who park crookedly and enough out of their own damn lines that the place adjacent cannot be used.

6.  Goes without saying in this venue...the tenacity and intractability of my eating issues.  At least I had a good day yesterday and am INTENDING one for today.

May you have an annoyance free day, friends.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Fly by catchup

I had a wonderful 3 day weekend (we had an inservice presentation Friday on dealing with difficult people).  I got long fast walks in 2 out of the 3 days, and stayed pretty close to the Paleo plan throughout.  My weight this morning reflected a .4 lb loss, which sounds like a major jip, given the absence of any bingeing or crazy eating.  BUT - I know I went overboard with nuts, and so I'm going to have to limit myself to the small CVS bags of pistachios for a bit.  I'm seeing so many people getting great results, and I'm sick of being on the outside looking in. 

For the last 2 weeks and 2 days I've essentially maintained (total of 2 lbs lost which is okay), but of course I can do better.  Not gaining is a victory at times, but doing as well as I feel like I've been doing is rendering me frustrated.  I've had to go back and read a couple of blogs of people who noted that 2nd or 3rd week weigh ins can be rough and less satisfying than week 1.   But I also haven't been 100% on plan - overeating on-plan food is still overeating, esp. when the food involved rhymes with ruts, which is what I'm in.  It's up to me, and I need to rein in any extra snacking, just to get myself really going again.

I did good food prep this weekend, including another batch of egg cupcakes.  This time I did use the bacon, eliminated the zucchini, 1/2'd the spinach and doubled the amount of green onions I used.  They are good!  And it's a better way for me to get the taste of bacon without cooking it separate, because I know I'm eating less of that best food even invented when it's distributed throughout 15 egg muffins!

I made a ginormous salad for lunch today that I took a picture of.  My new kick is slicing strawberries into a salad - love it!  Trader Joe's has had decent strawbs from Florida for the last couple of weeks, and I'm addicted!  A salad without them feels like a day without sunshine!  Also - arugula is on the required list now too - love its peppery taste.  The pic is a little fuzzy, I see, but it was a delicious salad.
Have a good rest of the day - 4 day weeks are darned decent!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Loose ends

A couple of folks asked for the recipe of the 'egg cupcakes' I posted on Tuesday, so here it is:
(From Sarah Fragoso's Everyday Paleo Cookbook on page 185)

Egg Cupcakes * Prep time 15 mins * Cook time 20-25 mins * Serves 6-8

10-12 egges
1 green onion
2 zucchini squash
8 slices bacon
1 cup roasted red and yellow peppers
4 C fresh spinach
Black pepper to taste

1. Preheat oven to 350 and grease 2 muffin tins with coconut oil
2. Whisk all of the eggs and pepper in a big bowl (I also added salt - don't shoot me)
3. Put the green onion, zucchini, bacon and peppers in a food processer and process to finely chopped but not smooth.  Add this mix to the eggs.
4. Place spinach in food processor and finely chop.  Add to egg mixture.
5. Mix egg mixture well, and then using a measuring cup, fill muffin pans with 1/4 each (I used a 1/3 cup measure and still got 20 cupcakes.)
6. Bake for 20-25 minutes until eggs are set in the middle.

Now I didn't have roasted peppers on hand and wasn't about to roast them for this, so I sprayed a fan with olive oil spray and softened just red peppers (no yellow in the house) and the green onion for about 3-4 mins.  I also used about 8 green onions because I like them, and given that I didn't use the bacon, they needed the kick of onion (or whatever savory herb or flavor you like).  I didn't use bacon so the vegetarian male offspring could enjoy these (he did).

These were wonderful to have on hand and I used them through yesterday.  The boys and hubby ate 3 each on Sunday when I made them, which compromised my stash from lasting the week.  Sarah suggests doubling the recipe and freezing some.  I might do that except I don't happen to have 4 muffin tins on hand!
If you try these and make any modifications or changes, let me know what you think.  Next go around I will use the bacon - I bet it would be a great addition.

I wish I could say I've been on plan, but Tuesday night, the chocolate-themed insignificant holiday treats got to me and I ate some.  A friend gave me a bag(!) of Hershey kisses and as they say about Lay's potato chips, you can't eat just one.  Nuff said.

Back on track now, but I really want to get to a place where I just don't go there for a sustained period of time.  Upcoming Easter brings the behemoth of plain old blue collar Brach's jelly beans, which may be my all time favorite candy (other than all my other all time favorites...) - my goal is to not eat one.  That will entail not buying any.  I'm going to avert my eyes whenever I'm in a store where they are lying in wait. If I don't buy 'em, I won't eat 'em.  'Tis a doable and realistic goal.

I was busy enough yesterday at work to not be able to start my Wednesday Whine List, but look for it next week.  I'm already compiling a plethora of pet peeves!  But I'll be posting in the meantime - accountability, you know.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Insignificant Chocolate Based Hallmark Holiday

It just about killed me to not mention my food and such yesterday, but I really wanted to devote the entire post to our anniversary. 

First of all, I want to boldly and proudly tell you that at our romantic 30th anniversary dinner out Sunday night, I DID NOT HAVE ANY CREME BRULEE.  (I mentioned it here a couple posts back.)  Not even a quintillionth of a tsp!  What I did have were the 2 raspberries that came on top of Tom's creme brulee, and the 3 blueberries.  I let him have the strawberry as it looked like one of those crappy Driscoll's from California that are solid hard white in the middle with "O" taste.  Now that's love!  Not Cali. bashing here - I'm sure there are fantastic Cali. strawberries in Cali., but when they're transported across the country and bright red because they're sprayed with a gas that causes the bright color before the berries are even ripe, they are not worth getting unless someone pays you to take them - and then take the money and leave the berries behind!

Oops - a little tangent there.  I'm thinking of starting a weekly blog feature of my pet peeves, and that commentary on the berries would be a notable item for the list.

Anyway - as of this morning, I have 2 days sugar free and cleanly eaten.  May today be the 3rd.  I'm feeling pretty confident and positive about it right now.  There will be challenges, what with it being Hallmark Holiday #2 (2nd only to Mothers' Day), I know folks at work will be bringing little chocolate themed gifts in, and there will be candy involved in my sons' valentines.  Hubby and I have always thumbed our noses at this day given the big day that always precedes it, so he's just getting a hug and some good leftovers tonight from last night's meal.

Knowing I was meeting a friend for coffee after work yesterday and wouldn't get home until after 5,  a crockpot meal was in order, and I wanted it to be Paleo approved, so I made "Melt In Your Mouth Italian Sausages" from Tami at Nutmeg Notebook.  You can find the recipe here.  OMG - it was wonderful!  I'd made it once before but made some shortcuts in not simmering the sausage first as her recipe calls for.  This time I followed it to the tee, and they were perfect!  I used organic sweet turkey italian sausages.  I would have used half sweet and half hot, but they had no hot at the market.  Highly recommeded - it's a winner for sure.

During my weekend prep cooking, I made a recipe for Egg Cupcakes from Sarah Fragoso's Everyday Paleo cookbook top facilitate grab and go breakfasts.  They turned out great.  The recipe calls for 8 slices of bacon to be crumbled into the mix, but I left it out so my vegetarian son could have them.  They're great without the bacon, but would be MUCH better with it.  (Isn't everything?)  I can see these becoming a regular part of my cooking repertoire.

Without bacon, I used more zucchini and spinach, so mine are greener than those pictured in the book.  I will also tweak seasonings, use the bacon at times, and change up the veggies a bit.  Another winner.  I guess I could post the recipe if anyone is interested, as long as I cite Sarah's book?  Let me know.

That's it.  I hope everyone has a good Tuesday.   Tomorrow may be the debut of my Wednesday Whining feature!

Monday, February 13, 2012

What's LUCK got to do with it?

Today hubby Tom and I celebrate 30, that's right...THIRTY years of marriage. This feels like a major accomplishment in this time where upwards of 50% of marriages end in divorce.  We're lucky, huh?  I'm lucky, yes?  Well, luck has something to do with it.

I've been reflecting on this a lot for the last few days.  Tom is a wonderful, loving, funny, sensitive,caring, vulnerable, smart man.  Thoughtful.  He is an outstanding and fantastic father and a wonderful man with whom to co-parent. He comes from a big loving family who have always embraced me as one of their own.   He's genuinely  interested in others, curious about every/anything, and has a work ethic that is 2nd to none.  He's passionate about his profession and finds it 'relaxing' to spend weekend time dabbling in the work he does from home. And there's that delightful giggle when he's tickled about something (or just tickled).  He's also handsome, lean (I've outweighed him, even when I was thin, for 95% of our marriage), runs daily, though at age 63, he's slowing down a bit.  I could go on and on.

Sounds like the perfect man, huh?  That's what I thought until we'd been married for about, oh...a week or so!  He's also stubborn (his mother has always claimed his head is made of granite, and I concur), minimalist (think "Why do we need to redo the bathroom?  Everything in it works..."  Yeah - but it's the original 1954 stuff, and looks like sh*t...), hopelessly obtuse and sometimes just screwy in how he perceives things, born a century too late as this "newfangled world" really flummoxes him.  At times he's a master of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time because of the aforementioned obtusity.  I could go on and on.

So am I "lucky"?  Are we "lucky".  He doesn't have the opportunity to write 2 paragraphs about me in this venue.  If he did, he'd be genuine in his description of the positive attributes of the woman he married.  He'd be kind in the next paragraph about the less-than-perfect aspects of his bride (as I was!).

Well, luck certainly has played a role, but our marriage has been hard work.  There have been times where I honestly felt like I hated his guts.  Where I fantasized about packing it in.  Wondered what the hell I ever saw in him anyway.  I could go on and on.

Now you can imagine he hasn't felt the same way about me...his loving wife who turned into a shrew when she drank, has at times been critical of his every move, ran up his credit cards when he asked me not to...I could go on and on.  And on... for much longer and with a much longer laundry list of things he's had to endure with me, in my struggle to get sober, get better, and find out for the first time who I really am.  He had reasons to bail out a million times, yet he never considered it.  Neither did I.

Maybe that's where the luck has come in.  Somehow, despite the realities of everyday life with it's glorious gifts, serious problems, extreme busyness with 3 active kids, financial ups and downs, and everything that comprises a life lived in partnerhood,  familyhood and community, we just kept on keeping on.  The bad times, the good times - they all come and they all go.  As they say in AA - "this too shall pass", and it all does.  But the memories, the lessons learned, the graces bestowed... remain and inform and, if we let them, enrich and deepen the commitment made back those 30 years ago.  Love is messy and rich and wonderful and easy to forget in the heat of intense moments.  But it has sustained as the baseline of our relationship and strengthened us when we most needed.

An anniversary is just another day, but this one has offered me the emotional opportunity to reflect on just how much I love this man.  Happy Anniversary, Tom.

This pic taken this morning before face washing, hair combing, or other assorted freshening up!  Like you couldn't tell!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Sunday from the confessional...good news/bad news edition

This week I lost 1.6 pounds.  I'm okay with that, but I know it would likely have been a touch more had I not broken my sugar abstinence yesterday fairly early in the afternoon.  Why, Leslie?  Predictably once I had a few cookies, I wanted more and had them.  The I fell asleep for 4 hours (from ~2:30 - 6:30) as I slept poorly Friday night.  When I woke, hubby had made salads for us and was eating leftover lentil soup from pre-paleo cooking last weekend.

No planned dinner, so after my salad I ate 2 leftover pancakes from breakfast that Hubby had made, and had honey on them.  Needless to say I woke up feeling 'leftover', and my sinuses were full and I was sneezing copiously.  Allergies in full gear.

Back on track today and have the prep cooking planned to facilitate a sane week.  Hubby and I are going out to a divine restaurant tonight to celebrate something I'll talk about tomorrow.  This place has the best creme brulee in the world, and I'd been planning on having it.  Now I'm planning to NOT have it, but eat a wonderful meal.

Wish me well on dodging the evil custard and it's crackly sugar perfection on top.  The one day of adding sugar back in (not even in binge fashion) has set me back to feeling stuffy, doughy and generally draggy.  I DON'T WANT WHAT SUGAR GIVES ME. 

Believe me, I'd rather have not confessed this here, but I know it does me no good to be dishonest and omit key info.  Been there, done that.  So to paraphrase my friend Deb, onward, forward and upward.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Fly by...

Day 4 sugar free for me - this is the longest I've gone in months, and I feel better already.  Stayed Paleo yesterday too but still haven't read much of the book.  Last evening I actually had to make myself eat dinner because I wasn't hungry, and the sugar thoughts didn't intrude.  If only it was smooth sailing from here!  I know better...

Instead of daily sugar free updates, maybe I should get a ticker.  I'll see, but it's not a bad thing for me to do a mini post either.  Again - the accountability thing.

I weigh in tomorrow and am already working on keeping my expectations low.  It's gotten to where if I have 2 or 3 days in a row on plan - I expect great things.  Gotta get the emphasis off the scale.

That's it for me - have a good Satuday.

Friday, February 10, 2012

The promised short post

As promised, a short post from me today.  First - I'm 3 days sugar free and now 4 days doing my rendition of Paleo.  My rendition is about to be tweaked, because my book came yesterday, only I didn't see it until my son brought it upstairs having found it tucked between front door and storm door.  Today my goofing off at work will consist of peeks into its contents!

Last night I really wanted something sweet, which means I wanted to overload my body with sugar laden sh*t.  I never wanted a civilized glass of wine with dinner, and I never have wanted a cookie.  I don't even bother to pretend to myself that "this time will be different".  What I did instead of getting into cookies that one of my sons brought home was I had a small 1.5 oz bag of deluxe lightly salted mixed nuts from CVS.  They were so good, and if I'd had another bag, I know I would have eaten it.  Note to self:  buy one bag a day - there's a CVS around the corner from my job so it's easy.

Already my energy level is up and brain fog is down.  One thing I think I said yesterday is I'm going to have to be vigilant about food prep (not a problem for me - I even do that when I'm sucking wind in the "on plan" department), especially breakfast stuff.  I see recipes for "egg cupcakes", frittatas,etc.  I'm going to do a bunch of that stuff this weekend so I'm good to go next week. 

And I'm going to read the book.  Learn more.  Contact guru Helen if I have a question about something.  And stay sugar free no matter what.  If I have to eat 3 apples and 3 bananas to not eat refined sugar, I'm doing it.  Hopefully it won't come to that.  So have a good weekend everyone.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Fleshing out Paleo

Yesterday after writing my post, I ended up ordering Robb Wolf's Paleo Solution from Amazon and hope to find it waiting on my doorstep upon my arrival home from work.  I can't wait to read it all, including stories of people who have found not only weight loss success but also improved health in a relatively short time.  Improved as in progress with Type 2 diabetes, thyroid issues, cholesterol and lipid profiles, and lowered blood pressure, to name a few.

I'd been hearing about 'Paleo' for quite awhile, but didn't really take much interest, because I'm such a believer in the general low carb trend - based on the science behind it.  When I eat very low carb, I lose weight and feel scads better in short order.  A few years ago (before my blog), I jumped on the Atkins train and actually stayed on it strictly for about 7 weeks (the induction phase).  It was supposed to last only 2 weeks, but in his dook, Dr. A. noted that if you were getting good results from Induction and feeling well, it was fine to stick with it for longer.  Hell, I could eat bacon everyday - so I was on board. 

I had blood studies done for a physical towards the end of that 7 weeks and my total cholesterol was 134!  My doctor actually said to be careful not to let it get much lower.  (Um, he didn't mean to go hog wild with carbs again, which I've done several times since:( ).  My other vital stats were also stellar, after so many weeks with zero sugar, and less than 30 carbs/day.  In every way, my health had substantially improved, and I lost close to 20 pounds.

You know where this is wasn't sustainable for me.  Once I began adding back in healthy carbs, like fruit, I started with an occasional slice of bread, and off to China I went again.  I've written recently about striving to eat low carb (the kind with virtually no fruit...etc), and I have been unable to maintain it over the long haul.  I'm so damn black and white in my thinking sometimes, and regarding food it seems to be part of my brand of eating disorder.  I know the whole spiel about gradually adding back in the healthy carbs for maintenance, but my brain starts to scramble when I try to moderate.  This is just boring background info that you probably already know about moi.

Lately I was struggling with trying to stick to the idea of abstinence of 3 meals and a snack daily - for starters.  Not too much manipulating of food content other than the obvious high calorie, high sugar, highly processed crap NOT included.  Still aiming at low carb, and agonizing over every grapefruit.  I just can't continue that nonsense - I'm driving myself crazy and setting myself up for bingeing after restricting.

Enter the story of Helen (that I spoke of last week) and her recent experience with Paleo.  While she was going through her challenge from November-December, I read with interest, and thought a lot of the food sounded great.  But what really grabbed my attention were the physical results revealed when she saw her doc last week.  So I started doing a little research and found a couple of blogs where others were trying Paleo, and one gal was able to give up her asthma inhaler after some time.  (Asthma flares, so this isn't a cure, but improved the gal's symptoms enough that she could leave out something she'd needed daily for a long time.) 

Well.  I have asthma that has been pretty flared up recently (few months).  I have Type 2 diabetes.  My B/P is borderline high.  I've had thyroid issues (nodules requiring biopsies, though thyroid function has been good).  My cholesterol and lipids have always been pretty good, but last round of blood work they were moving in directions they shouldn't.  That was almost a year ago - God knows where they are now.  I've avoided the doctor's office like the plague because I keep wanting to wait "till I get my act together".

The version of Paleo that has attracted me includes no dairy, lots of animal protein (recommended organic and humanely raised), vegetables and fruit.  And sweet potatoes?  YES!  And cocunut oil, and other healthy fats from nuts and seeds.  No sugar other than what's in fruit, no booze (no prob here!).  As I said above, I haven't read all the deets yet, but the food plan feels workable and right for me.  I'm now 3 days in (woot) and actually craved, and ate, an apple this morning!  And it satisfied me in a guilt free way. 

Sorry to go on so long again.  My mouth tends to suffer from incontinence...or is it my mind to finger connection?  Hopefully by tomorrow at this time I'll have begun reading the book and beginning to establish some meal ideas.  I've been going by a Paleo cookbook I checked out of the library:

It has some great recipes and a month of menu plans.  I see I need to get some breakfast things made ahead so I can get out in the morning with the right food at the right time.  Planning is everything, yes? 

Promise to be shorter winded tomorrow!
P.S. - I'm starting to feel like one of those bloggers who keeps trying different things...and I am.  I can't apologize because I'm determined to find a sustainable healthy plan that I can use for my life, with modifications as needed.  Don't judge!!!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Surprise glimpse in the rear view mirror

I had no intention of going so long between posting!  I've been doing pretty well with eating - I've been trying to start investigating and incorporating the Paleo principles with my food, and so far I think it will be a plan that will work well for me.  I'm probably going to break down and buy the book The Paleo Solution by Robb Wolf and Loren Cordain, as it seems to be one of the main texts about the program and all its minutiae (which I love - the science behind it all).

Before I go further, I want to note that my weight was 210.2 on Sunday, which was 0.8 lb loss - pretty minimal, but so much better than a gain.  I suspect that I had lost a little more until Friday night and Saturday, when I had 2 parties to go to and just plain overate a lot of crap.  And sugar, which is crack crap for me.  Saturday night was a 45th birthday party for an AA friend, and besides tons of great "real food" like meatballs, veggies and dip, guacamole (which could have been used by moi as dip for the veggies, but of course I chose the blue corn chips instead), they also had about 5 unbelievable desserts.  Don't ask.  And yes, I know better.  I wanted to taste it all more than I wanted to stay on plan.  I've been back on track to the letter since Monday and my head is finally clearing up from the sugar haze I was for a couple of days. 

When I string a few on-plan days together, it amazes me how much I think of food and realize how food plays a role in so much of what I do.  I've said it before and will likely say it again - it's easy to stay on plan when my mind isn't in a food obsessing state.  Once I stay on plan a few days, it's like every cell in my body is saying, "WTF?  What's going on?", and they collectively start sending my brain messages that a binge would be 'just the thing'.  Yeah - Just the thing to skyrocket my blood sugar, thicken my already slab-thick middle, etc...  I guess I'm mentioning this because now that I have 2 clean days logged, I'm expecting that later today (the witching hour for me is often when I get home from work) the food thoughts will start swarming.

BUT - if I anticipate that and expect it, perhaps I can circumvent it with exercise, doing some stuff in the house that needs to be done, and NOT turning on the stupid TV.  I'm really seeing how I mindlessly turn on the tv and half pay attention in the same way I mindlessly eat.  In AA they talk about "people, places and things" and how certain familiar and repetitive acts can actually trigger our addiction.  I really see it with food and tv, so I'm trying to substantially cut it out. 

TV is tricky for me, because when I was a little kid and my dad was sick and dying for a couple of years and my mom was a mess in ways too numerous to mention, TV became a soothing balm where I could see how "real families" (haha - seemed real to my little self) lived.  Like Leave It To Beaver, where there were 2 healthy and whole parents, more than one lonely kid...I swear it was a panacea for me to sit in front of the boob tube and see that there were families that weren't like what felt like my pathetic little grouping. 

Whoa - where did that come from?  Just bubbled up and I guess I'll leave it there, because it's honest and something I'm increasingly aware plays a role in my dysfunctional eating.  A look back that I wasn't aware was coming!

So - I was going to talk more about my early forays into Paleo, and show a cookbook I checked out of the library that has great Paleo recipes, but I've gone on enough for now.  I'm in this for the long haul, and I'm so grateful to have the blog world and so many inspirational "friends" to continue to inspire and motivate me.  And I'm committing to a post tomorrow, because if I commit, I'll do it.  I need to stay accountable. 

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

I want what she's having...

That's how I felt after reading dear Helen's post from yesterday...her Tuesday 10 that I read Wednesday because I was tied up with a funeral and other things Tuesday.  Seems like most of the blog community has already read it, but in case you haven't, you can find it here.

First of all, congratulations to Helen for such wonderful success with her recent weight loss, which she's written about in detail on her blog, including the food plan and related challenge that she followed.  The first and most obvious reward is the 20 pounds that are no longer clinging to her in all the wrong places!  But beyond read about the physical and biochemical changes that were revealed at Helen's recent doctor appointment is beyond fantastic.  Several persistent bothersome/worrisome issues have apparently been eliminated by Helen's hard work and consistency (without rigidity!!!).  Makes me think of the saying of how if you do the right thing for 80% of the time, you'll probably be successful.  She did the right things much more than 80%, but still allowed space for certain occasions.  Sounds so reasonable, sane and intuitive.

So yeah, hell, I want what she's having.  Improved health, gleeful anticipation of upcoming shopping trips and vacations, smaller clothes sizes and so on.  I really want all of that.  Can I have it?

Yep - if I'm willing to do what she did and feel what she felt (like missing certain foods she ate prior to the challenge but NOT giving in to their siren calls).  Do I want her rewards that much?  If I do, I know I can have them - maybe in a longer time than it took her as I'm starting out at a higher weight - but definitely I can achieve it.

The bigger question is WILL I?  Am I willing?  Can I exert my will in the determined manner Helen did?  It feels very clear to me that I can if I'm willing.  And besides wanting to lose weight, I have several similar pesky health issues that I'd love to turn around!

I've had 2 good days this week and am working on #3.  It's about 65 degrees out today, so a walk is also on the docket as soon as I get home from work.  And I think I'm going to read about the Paleo plan that Helen's been using, to see what it's all about.  I have an idea, but you can't argue with results, so I'm opening my mind to maybe changing up my simple low carbing.