Friday, June 24, 2011

One lousy bite

I had a good day yesterday that was 100% binge-free.  There was absolutely no overeating involved either.  I got a 3 mile walk in with a friend as well.  All in all, a hell of a lot better day than many I've had of late.  I think finally starting to write in the blog in more detail about my food addiction was therapeutic.  I felt somehow lighter - cleansed if you will, in the way that a gut wrenching therapy session can be so cathartic.

It's always good to have a "good" day, but it felt like even more of an accomplishment as we went out to dinner as it was my daughter's last night home before she goes back to the Dominican Republic today.  We did a lot of good healthy cooking while she was here, so eating out freed us up from planning, shopping, preparing, and CLEANING UP.  Also, my husband belongs to a golf club that requires a certain amount of $ to be spent in their dining facility, and if you don't use it that way, you pay anyway.  So we killed several birds with one stone last night...and I behaved and made excellent choices.  Yay Me!

First - I did not have even a molecule of their good hot bread, which I always us as a vehicle upon which to get too much yummy butter into my mouth.  Ahh butter - one of life's pleasures, right up there with bacon!  Good choice #1.  Second, I ordered a wonderful salad that had slivered green apples, chopped roasted pecans, tons of spring mix greens, and crumbled bleu cheese with an orange vinaigrette dressing.  I never use more than a tsp. of dressing, which makes it one of the few potential land mines I don't have to worry about.

Good choice #3 - I didn't see a whole lot on the menu that I was interested in, so I asked if they had salmon that could just be baked...and they did!  It was excellent, served over fresh spinach and lightly coated on top with pesto.  A large ice-cream scoop plop of white rice came on the side, which I gave to my son.  I'm not a huge rice person, and white rice is totally expendable in my book.  I cut my salmon portion in half to bring home for my lunch salad today, and wouldn't you know I left it at the restaurant :-(.  No big deal, but I was disappointed with my forgetful self.

Good choice #4 - No dessert.  This place has some great desserts - they bring out a tray with an array of available desserts, and last night out of 5 selections, 4 had booze in them in one way or another.  It was easy to say no.  Hubby and son brought their blackberry bottomed cheese cake home to eat while watching the Phillies get their asses kicked out of St. Louis.

The one thing I did have that I said I'm going to omit was a regular size water ice at Rita's.  Jean and I decided she needed one final Rita's visit before leaving the USA.  I had key lime ice, and that was it.  Water ice does not ever set off craving for more sugar - not sure why, but it's always been safe for me.  Still, it's my intention to omit all sugar.  That was the only sugar I had yesterday, and it was just right and just enough.

Sounds like a honeymoom phase, yes?  We'll see.  One day at a time.  I feel strong and food thought free so far today - but we all know that a food obsession can literally emerge from nowhere and insistently begin gnawing at one's resolve and determination.  I have plenty of resources and tools to resist, if I choose to use them.  My tool du jour that I've been reflecting on is:
"Remember you only have to abstain from the first compulsive bite.  One bite only."  Without the first compulsive, unplanned, risky bite, it's much less likely that a really strong hard craving will set in that is hell to try and resist.  I don't have to resist and leave out a whole sleeve of cookies or a quart of icecream...I only have to not have the first bite.  This advice is the equivalent of not setting foot in an arena with a lion on the loose.  I won't have to fight him (it) off if I don't enter the ring. 

And really, after the first bite, the rest never tastes like much.  It becomes just a stuffing of food with the resultant stuffing and numbing of feelings and thoughts.  Once that first bite is on board, for this addict, I've already lost. 

That's it from me today.  I hope to keep it clean, healthy and real so I can come back tomorrow and report it.  Have a great w/e everyone.


  1. more good days than bad... that's all we need. You sound really content and kinda euphoric in your writing lately. Its nice.

  2. Good for you! And again, great minds... I have a post partially drafted along a similar theme to your title. Not sure when I'll get to it but you will recognize it, I'm sure, and relate.

  3. I completely understand this. Once I give in to the first bite, it's easy to feel like I've failed, and then I surrender to it. Avoiding the first bite can be the hardest thing, but also an incredibly satisfying one - the feeling of strength from your own willpower is incredible.

  4. Yep, more good days than bad. That's the key. Leslie, I look forward to more of your sharing on this.

  5. Anonymous24 June, 2011

    Great job at the restaurant!! Ack - hot bread and butter and chips and salsa are always hard for me to pass up.

    Enjoy the last bit of time with your daughter - so proud of you Leslie!

  6. Practice makes practice. Carry your successes with you to the next situation. My post on Life Without Ed talked about this. Build on what you have done right.

  7. Your statement about the "first bite" and after that being lost could have been written about me or by me. I think that is true of so many of us, and the strange thing is this: before I take that first bite I know it's going to lead to more and more--and yet I have done it anyway! The sign of a true addict. I have come to realize that I have to view myself in that light, so that I can deal with how I live with food. I dislike how much of an issue it is in my life, but I can't recover if I am in denial. My best to you, as always.

  8. Anonymous25 June, 2011

    It's wonderful when we ask for a healthy options and the establishment suits our needs. They often will, almost always. You've come a long way from the excuse of, well there wasn't much for healthy choices so I Had a burger and loaded mashed potatoes (that's an excuse I used to make)..... healthy eats and a great mood - you go girl!

  9. I "lost" you for glad I found you again and am following you so I won't lose you again!!!

  10. I just read a portion of your post quoted on the Waisting Time blog and wanted to tell me what a great metaphor that is and how I'll remember it next time I see dessert foods.

    :-) Marion

  11. In my book, your dinner at the golf club was Absolutely Over The Top Good Choices!

    I came here because of your words about one day at a time quoted by Karen on Waisting Time. Well said! I am in OA, with 280 days of abstinence from my binge foods, who still has difficulty with sticking to my food plan. One day at a time, one prayer at a time, one good choice at a time...

    Thanks for posting your experiences.

  12. I just found your blog through Karen's and I agree, your a great writer! I too am a food addict and am on the 7th Step of OA. I am taking it slowly and doing it at home for now. I need to learn more on Abstinence, or in reality I just need to abstain.