Thursday, July 23, 2009

364 days 'til my next b-day!

Wah wah wah - my birthday is over and now everything isn't all about me. Actually very little is ever about me except to me, but that's a detail. Yesterday was great, and I got a lot of happy day wishes from friends; boy, being on Facebook has greatly increased the number of folks who were priviliged to know of my birthday and thus afforded the opportunity to post best wishes on my wall!

Kidding aside, I did have a nice birthday, highlighted by getting to talk with both my world travelling offspring. My youngest, Mark, has only been in Buenos Aires for 3 days, and this was my first time hearing his voice since he went international (the spouse got to talk with him once already, the scoundrel). He (Mark) sounds good, though slightly subdued which I imagine reflects a combination of travel fatigue, culture shock, and the harsh realization that 8 years of Spanish in school and college does not render one fluent. He knew it was going to be hard, but I suspect it is seeming even more daunting than he expected. It was great to talk to him and hear his earliest impressions of this experience. And after my deluge of questions for him, he insisted on hearing how I was spending my birthday, and how I felt about adding another year to the total. Damn!!! His mom raised him right! Actually, he and all our kids continue to be marvels to spouse and me with their good hearts, kind and caring natures, and interest in things beyond their own wants and needs. I sure wasn't that way as a twenty-something. Spouse has always been a good and "do the right thing" kind of guy, but like me was somewhat ungrounded, both of us uncertain of who we were in our younger days. Our kids have a clue - about a lot of things I'm just starting to figure out as I catapult into my late 50s! My gratitude and joy for them is immense.

Talked to Peace Corps Jean as well, and she's doing fine. We have an ongoing connection, almost daily via Google Chat, as well as frequent phone calls. It's always great to touch base with Jean, but as she's been in the DR 5 months, the conversation with her was more routine. Hence, she gets less verbiage in this post than her youngest brother!

The birthday was sealed with dinner (with spouse and stateside son Stephen)at a nice Italian restaurant that has always been one of my favorites. Last night it was good, but it seems to be letting up a little on the high quality they've always purveyed, and so I was less enthused than usual, and decided to not bother with dessert as it would have meant more interaction with our very unappealing and vapid waitress. However, I still managed to eat way too much bread (white bread - yuch, and soft warm mushy butter that did not caress my tastebuds the way cold hard butter against heavy dark and grainy bread always does), and then suggested a stop at the crap grocery store on the way home to find something suitably rich and sweet to "finish the job" of an overeating event. Turns out the dessert was as lackluster as the bread and butter; I got 2 Edwards Pie dessert things where you microwave the fudge part, then add in the ice cream and whatever else they stick with the ice cream to simulate decadence. They're very small and not worth the effort. I had one and was very disappointed and UNSATISFIED. So what else...I ate the 2nd one so I could be doubly unsatisfied. WHAT AM I THINKING WITH THIS SHIT???? Then I ate a whole Ghiradelli's milk chocolate and caramel bar, which was good of course, but I was left feeling unfulfilled and stuffed. Simultaneously. Get it? Talk about a set up for a binge in the coming days...but as I live only one day at a time, I'm not thinking about or planning that. I'm just glad I stopped when I did. If we had any good junk in the house I know I would have kept going. Ahhh, the wisdom of not buying junk food.

So food....I haven't been talking too much about my eating and weight loss journey in the last couple days. I want to get back to that whole thing, as that is why I've restarted blogging. Apprarently I have other stuff to discuss, given my running off at the mouth about other stuff. Back to my focus: First - I posted 2 days ago a copy of an email I sent Lyn of, and the very next day she sent me a lovely response back, thanking me for my email and commenting on it. Wow - birthday gift # 1. It means a lot to me that she took time to respond, and also called my story "riveting". I'm hers forever for that! I want so much to write, even at just a small little level, where someone's eyes other than my own read it. She even said she was going to add my blog to her favorites and check in on my progress. More than just the incentive to continue in the Healthy New Lifestyle I'm practicing now, this gives me incentive to keep posting on this little bloggy thing. I'm so thankful to Lyn for ALL the inspiration she's providing me.

Tomorrow I commit to getting back to talking about food, compulsive eating, and the ongoing struggle it is for me. Other courageous bloggers, like Lyn and Jennette Fulda of PastaQueen (and many others), are giving me more guts (and eventually a smaller one?) than I've ever had to be open and honest about my eating issues. And about my abnormal, excessive, compulsive, tumultuous and bizarre relationship with food. Honesty is a key to my healing - the truth will set me free. It already has.

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