Friday, July 17, 2009

Go figure

Hahahaha - go figure as title of post about my newly discovered love of exercise and moving - cleverity (cleverness?), thy name is Leslie. Consistency in writing, not so much. But I disgress...

I'm feeling pretty good. My weight is coming down, my muscles are bulking up (in atomic sized increments, but progress not perfection) and I'm feeling more IN my skin and my body. Some higher force has benevolently bestowed upon the royal moi the desire to keep doing what I'm doing in regards to exercise and more mindful eating, and in a moderate reasonable way rather than the crash and burn methods of my past. But the big story here is my enjoyment of and enthusiam about the gym and beyond. I've always been mildly athletic - ran for a number of years in my "ute" (thanks to My Cousin Vinny), played tennis, walked, etc. But never have I really gotten into the more regimented type of daily workouts, strength training, etc... Yet after a month on my Healthy Inspirations plan of eating and working out, I'm beginning to really look forward to going to the gym as well as seeking out other means of moving my body. This is pretty radical for me. In recent years I've enjoyed walking and done a good bit of it, but always hated hills and other of the more legitimate and challenging aspects. But now, I find my endurance on hills greatly improved (thank you incline button on the treadmill), and also I feel good and alive when I'm exerting myself. It makes me feel competent and strong, and instills in me a sense of "I can do most anything!" Quite nice.

I'm still new with a lot of this and so haven't yet gotten bored with the routine of it all...but I know how in the past I've become less enthusiastic over time of trying to live more actively and healthfully. The difference this go around, I believe, is that I have so much guidance, structure and support built in with the HI program. I go in to workout and the girls know me, encourage me, chat about their stuff and mine...and also keep me accountable by reminding me that if I don't show up for a few days I will get a call from them asking what's up. This hasn't happened yet, but it's yet another good incentive to keep doing what I'm doing. I am believing that I can and will do it this time. It won't be perfect; I'll not be depriving myself of occasional treats and whole groups of healthy foods, like fruit. Rather, I'll stay in each day as it presents. Show up for exercise. Make real choices about food - both healthy and occasionally decadent. Rigidity and black and white thinking about food has never ever worked for me. When I tried OA food plans and Food Addicts in Recovery menus that forbade any sugar, flour, even grains (translate: anything that tastes good), it wasn't sustainable for me. I know some people have done it that way for years and had good results. But I tended to not be attracted to those people...I found them universally annoying, rigid, fear-based and controlling. My current role models have come from the Health and weight-loss blogging community, esp. PastaQueen but also many others, who absolutely refuse to hate themselves for absence of perfection in any realm. Perfection is unattainable for God's sake, actually attainable only of God's sake. I'll never forget my FA sponsor, Meredith the Mirthless, telling me, "we keep the food black and white so we can live our lives in color." Huh????????????WTF??????????? Does she really think eating Ghiradelli's caramel filled milk chocolate squares is not a technicolor experience?

Enough. Suffice it to say I am tickled PINK that I am exactly where I am and who I am today: healthier than I've been in a long time, more fit, loving exercise, able to FEEL my abs from the inside (they are still rather cushioned from the outside with a lovely layer of soft mushy adiposity), and optimistic that I really am going to find my happy weight and level of fitness. And I'm no longer afraid of my eating self. How's that for a technicolor psychadelic kaleidoscopic experience?

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