Potpourri

Just a touching base post. Very good news is that today is the first day that I can say that my knee is better! The painful places that were sharp and harsh before are definitely more dull. Present, but more tolerable, and allowing my gait to feel smoother and more normal. Frequent resting between long treks up the hall at work help a lot. Bottom line, the light at the end of the tunnel is evident in the distance now. I don't know what the light will bring and I'm trying to keep my expectations low, but of course if I wrote the script the light would illuminate me jogging and walking back at my beloved Ridley Creek State Park eventually. Seems likely somewhere on down the road, but I know I have to keep an open mind and be willing to let the process take as long as it takes.

I scheduled my first Physical Therapy to begin next Tuesday, and I think that will really help. In reading about post arthroscopy progress, restrengthening the thigh and calf muscles is key to helping support the knee in the best way possible. Prior to stopping cardio for the knee a few months back, my thighs felt really tight and toned, and were the body part where I'd lost the most inches. It's amazing to feel how un-tight my left thigh feels now, which is surprising. When I read about "re-strengthening", I thought, "well, my thighs are my strongest part"; but apparently the accomodations my legs have made to this knee injury, esp. post op, have really caused me to go flabby! Long sigh =O.

With this awareness, I've started doing a lot of isometric exercise and quadricep setting with my left leg to get things moving a bit, and maybe that is part of why I'm noticing some improvement. I'm still treating it very gingerly, but intuitively I know that starting to use the muscles will help it along.

Per some of your suggestions yesterday, as well as my own procrastination finally showing a chink in its armor, I went online and got just about all the Christmas gifts I had left to get. Also took #2 son, Mark, out to Kohl's for some clothes and shoe shopping, which will comprise most of his gifts. So I'm feeling better about holiday preparations. A good friend who cleans houses did my downstairs Sunday (a luxury in which I rarely partake) and so I've thrown up the stockings and a few holiday chatchkas. Christmas will come whether I'm ready or not, so I'm trying to not stress over it. I'm not a Martha Stewart kind of gal (other than as a wannabe), and so lack of perfection in my surrounds is just fine. I have up the stuff the kids will expect to see, and I guess we'll get a tree this weekend. Truth be told, I'd be just as happy without one this year. It will just flare up my allergies and chronic sinus stuff, but my husband would rather prostrate himself over hot coals than not have a "real" tree. Another sigh.

On a sadder note, my friend with metastatic lung cancer, Lisa, is experiencing a sudden increase in pain where one of her tumors is putting pressure on her rib cage. She put it to me like this: "I think I've taken a turn for the worse." She sounded horrible yesterday, and stayed in bed or on the couch most of the day. Her husband spoke with the oncologist, who said Lisa needs to be taking maximum pain medication at this point (of course). She's been trying to use pain meds sparingly, and the doctor told her she needs to get over that, what with being a stage 4 cancer patient. It's not fear of addiction, but rather the blunting of awareness and not being fully present that she's wanting to avoid. I understand, but expect that the pain will start calling the shots.

Today she sounds better after having had a good night sleep, and has an old friend staying with her for a few days to help with kids and life stuff. I didn't ask, but I'm sure she's started on every 12 hour oxycontin for pain - otherwise she wouldn't have slept. It's gut wrenching to see this happening to a friend who's younger than I am (or to anyone for that matter). She alternates between sounding totally resigned to her impending death with sounding optimistic and hopeful that her designer chemo drug is going to work. Please shoot up a prayer for her and her family if you're so inclined. This gal is not ready (yet) to leave her rich, wonderful sober life that is full of children, family, friends and possibilities. But watching this unfold is demonstrating to me how people do eventually become more accepting and ready, especially when there is tremendous pain and suffering.

Sorry to end on such a tough note, but Lisa is on my mind almost continually. She's the person who said to me once, when I was complaining about someone doing something I thought was wrong, "Let her be your teacher today." I've gotten wisdom, acceptance, friendship and love from her like I've gotten from precious few in my life. Have any of you been through this with a close friend? It prompts me to remind all of us to cherish the people we love every single day, and let them know how we feel about them. And to let go of petty resentments and anger. Life really is too short.