Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Plateaus, the past, and progress

Happy Tuesday, blog friends.  I'm having an eerily quiet morning at work (knock on wood else shit shall hit fan) so thought I'd drop in for a brief update.

It's a happy Tuesday indeed for me because as soon as I get off, Hubby will drop me at the airport and I'm heading to Atlanta for a few days to visit my in-law family.  My FIL died in December, and so I'm mainly going to hang out with my mom-in-law, and of course see other family members.  And here's a kicker...I'm super excited to go!  I have none of my usual "less-than" feelings about being with all the skinny smart beautiful people this go round.  I'm just looking forward to catching up and spending time with them.  Also having a few days off from work, which goes without saying.

Anyone who has read my blog for more than a year or so recalls my trepidations of being with this bunch - I have always gotten along with them famously.  They have always been welcoming and loving with me, and I've always known it was genuine.  But my feelings of fatness and shame always became magnified to the nth degree when I was with them (once I'd entered the endless struggle of disordered eating after my 3rd child was born), and so every encounter with them has been a mix of wonderfulness on the outside and shame and self hate on the inside.

My recent journey that began at the beginning of March, when I fully accepted and owned out loud my Type 2 Diabetes and determined to best it in every arena possible has begun to seriously change me.  I've talked about testing my blood sugar daily, changing up my foods, seeing how different foods affect the blood sugar, lost some weight, plateau'ed for a few weeks and then began losing again, and haven't gotten discouraged when one number (blood sugar) or another (lbs) weren't what I wanted or thought they should be.  Somehow I've stuck with it and am feeling some confidence, for the first time ever since the weight struggles ensued, that I can stay the course and slowly get really better.  And thinner.

It's weird, because I find myself thinking how strange it could be to be in a much slimmer body.  I'm already about 15 pounds down and in different sizes.  I'm soon going to get to the place I got to about 4 years ago, and then began to slowly regain.  Obviously in one way or another I wasn't ready to move into a thinner version of who I'd become over the years...maybe scared, or uncertain of what it would be like or how it would change my core self. I don't know - I hear my possible over-thinking about this, but I realize that I never felt those feelings before.  If I don't take this slowly, and settle at various places in order to find a comfort of some kind at new emotional stops along the way, I may run scared again, and head back up the scale.

The aforementioned plateau really bugged me for a bit, but deep down I thought it was okay.  I knew I hadn't changed anything to make me stop losing weight, and my blood sugar numbers were still decent, so I kept on.  THIS IS NEW BEHAVIOR FOR ME.  And it's fueled by new acceptance of myself and my reality at this stage of my life.  I cannot wait for my next round of blood work in early June, because I know it's going to be great!

My weight this morning was 201.  What I was calling spittin' distance was 204.  This is more like lickin' distance.  I don't know if it will happen while I'm there, because I will enjoy myself and not be restricting my intake.  I will test my blood daily, and make decisions about what is worth slowing my progress for and what isn't.  The way I'm feeling, there won't be much that will seem worth it, but I know that more than just my warm fuzzy feeling right now will play a role in my behaviors. Like emotions, frustrations, fabulous menus and being out of my usual surroundings.  But if I pay attention to my heart, my gut, and my blood sugars, my behaviors will be true choices, and not coping strategies.

Have a good week, guys!

14 comments:

  1. You are doing so great!! Almost onederland!!

    I hope you have a great visit to my beloved ATL. I know the shame of seeing family after gaining a bunch of weight and I'm so glad you don't have to deal with that and can just enjoy! I'm going to Scotland to visit my husbands family and for the first time I'm not ashamed and I'm actually excited for them to see me!!

    Have a great trip!!!

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  2. You sound like you are in a great place, mentally/emotionally! Have a wonderful vacation!

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  3. Have a great trip! I'm so glad you are in a good mental place. Weight loss is not linear. There will be bumps and jumps along the way. It becomes more about the big picture. It's about being consistent with the good habits and letting your body do its thing. It may take longer than we think it "should" but if you keep at it, changes happen!

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  4. So wonderful to hear you so positive and feeling good about yourself. Have a lovely trip!

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  5. When I started to get serious about weight loss, my endocrinologist said to me, "Keep your blood sugar normal and the weight loss will be a by product". It's true!!!

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  6. Have a wonderful time.

    (If you are ever looking for them, I have a whole section of plateau links on my side bar. There are a lot of interesting posts there, from a wide variety of bloggers.)

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  7. So very awesome, Leslie! 15 pounds down, and more to come! Yes, you're right, you don't remember how great it is to be much slimmer. You've gotten a taste now. You're going for more tastes. You will LOVE IT! So Much!!!

    :-) Marion

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  8. Wishing you well as you visit your family. You have done so well Lesile - I know you can get through this visit with flying colors.

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  9. So happy to hear of your wonderful progress, Leslie! Have a wonderful time with the in-laws, and make this visit a happy, healthy one.

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  10. Congrats on making the list! You deserve the recognition. Top 100 Most Influential Weight Loss Bloggers of 2013

    http://diettogo.com/blog/100-most-inspirational-weight-loss-bloggers-2013

    Feel free to add the badge (scroll down to the bottom of the list) to your blog site!

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  11. Ditto to what Jane said, make the trip a enjoyable one. All the best with the in-laws lol

    Sammy

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  12. I love how positive this post is Leslie! Hope you had a great time and enjoy the holiday weekend.

    Hugs!

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  13. Wed 5/29

    Hi Leslie..how are you doin'? it cheers me up when you post on your blog and share your goings on and work with your food, DM. We all hope to hear from you soon :)

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  14. you've been MIA for a month..please post and continue to inspire us!

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