Thursday, November 3, 2011

Give me patience NOW

I logged Day 8 clean and still spot on with reasonable eating.  I'm feeling a bit euphoric about this and am striving to remind myself to just stay in the day and not get ahead of myself.  I haven't strung together 8 days in a loooong time.  Eating in this very low carb manor has really put the cravings and food thoughts to bed for now, but I'm wise enough to know that they can be awakened very easily and so am figuratively tiptoeing around myself and my eating disordered tendencies.

Case in point:  As I lay in bed this morning , I was aware of my stomach feeling nice and empty.  Not in an uncomfortable way, but in a "surely this is a good sign" way.  The expectation of another pound down was great, so I decided to get on the scale even though I'd told myself that I should only weigh once a week, or at least no sooner than 4 full days apart.  On Tuesday I was 208.4.  Today I was 208.4.  Huh?  What the.....???  Immediately I felt disappointment, frustration and fear.  My mind flashed me the message,  "well this is lowest I'm going to get, unless I start eating a lot less!...".

About 30 seconds after my visions of weight loss grandeur drained like sand in an hourglass and my crazy thinking went into overdrive, another voice came up and urged calm.  I know I need to keep doing what I'm doing.  No starving, no saying "eff it", no giving up.  Just keep doing what I'm doing.  Pray for patience.  Pray for help. weighing more than every 4 days.  I have committed to not weigh until Monday morning, no matter what.  The scale can become a mood ring for me very easily, and it's verdict on any given day can make or break my mood.  This thinking is part of my eating disorder, and the only way to address it is to regiment it to once a week.  Monday mornings will be good because it will help me stay mindful of my eating over the weekend.  Once a week is reasonable to map progress, and see where I may need to make adjustments.

That's it for today.  I'm 14+ hours into Day 9, and I'm sure I'm going to make it!


  1. Staying in the day. I hear you. Around Day 7 or so, I feel the thrill of victory and begin doing "the math formula of # weeks x # pounds = # pounds by date." It's never a good thing.

    Go, Day #9!!!!


  2. I love the reference of the scale as a mood ring - excellent! A trap for many of us, I'd say. Keep on keeping girl, you know you won't regret it.

  3. I have moved you out of my lost blogger list and back to active blogger status. Glad to hear from you.

  4. and

    Loved: "Our misery is generally 97% of our own making"

    I googled it to see who the author was and did not find a link. If a name or source turns up, please let me know. VERY true quote for most of us.

  5. Great post! The scale can be such a trap for me. Currently, I'm only weighing every six weeks. It was very hard to not jump on the scale as I was losing weight, but the program I'm on doesn't recommend weighing daily or even weekly, because it is too easy to ride the "scale roller coaster"; feeling great when the scale reads a loss, and discouraged to the point of giving up when it shows a gain or no change. When I finally stepped on the scale after the first 6 weeks, I was shocked and beyond excited to see a 28 pound loss! So, I agree with you, try to weigh maybe once a week, and try to remember you are more than a number on the scale! This is a change for life, and so no matter what it shows, just keep going! You're doing great! :-)

  6. Hi Leslie,

    It was so good to hear from you. So happy to hear that you're back and trying something different. Sometimes we need to change things. Thanks for stopping by my blog.