Monday, March 28, 2011

Not chapter 3

After writing out my thoughts about my ego driven doctor issues in my last post, I was going to write of the genesis of some of the health anxiety that has plagued me since 4th grade.  But I'm just not ready to do it - there is a lot of pain and ancient baggage there, and it's definitely been the most ongoing of my own unique thoughts and beliefs about myself, about my family and about illness.    I've never written it out though I've spent a lot of time in therapy over it.  Again - related shame is a core issue that has bled into my otherwise pretty great life and ever improving self concept and self acceptance.  Other than my weight and eating issues, it feels like the only remaining area of unresolved emotional stuff.  I know writing will help and I'm going to start working on that.  Whether I share it here remains to be seen.

Otherwise, I've tested my blood sugars all weekend, first thing in the morning (fasting) and then 1 and 2 hours after eating breakfast.  Other than fastings that are up a little (80-100 is normal range; mine has been 110-115 which used to be in the normal range back in less informed days), the numbers are exactly where they should be.  I'm glad about that, but the higher fastings are indicative that my type 2 is not borderline I suspect.  But the high readings are still quite low in the realm of type 2, so I'm grateful.  A week from Thursday I see my PCP (the one I just changed back to effective April 1), and given the numbers, and my blood pressure which is totally controlled and very good with the medication I'm on, I think it's prudent and perfectly safe for me to wait until then.

This afternoon I'm seeing my podiatrist about my numb toe.  I've realized it started happening since I got a new pair or running shoes (even though I walk, I get running shoes b/c I continue to hope for knees that will again allow jogging at some point).  The numbness is very sporadic, just with the left big toe and seems to be lessening.  The shoes are the updated version of the same ones I've used for a few years and definitely feels tighter under the left laces.  Don't know if it's related, but I'm getting it checked anyway in keeping with my new anti-ostrich approach to my health.  I got a lot of walking in this weekend - about 6 miles over the 2 days. 

I'm tracking points again and determined to do it for the whole week.  But first, I just have to do it for Monday, which is about as much committment as I can muster.  Get one down, the next will likely follow suit more readily.  Have a good one -


  1. Ya know, I was going to ask about new shoes, but I didn't want to come off as being too simplistic. ;) I hope that's all it is. :)

    Glad your blood testing has been pretty decent, all things considered.

    And you don't have to share a single personal thing until you are more than eager to do so. It's none of our beeswax. ;)

  2. You know, Leslie, what I'm about to say sounds so dumb, but it is nonetheless true. i am just NOW understanding this "one day at a time" thing.

    I understood it in theory forever ago, but in practice--not so much. I just couldn't figure out how to do somelthing one day at a time that I'd just said I was going to do for the resto of my life. Yeah, I know, I'm a slow learner--but several times this month, it clicked for me, and I did well until I started realizing I had a few days under my belt and began doing math.

    You know, "Let's see, I've lost 4 punds in the last 5 days and there's 88 days left til summer and if I lose weight at this rate...." You know. It occurred to me yesterday that when I start doing math and looking ahead, I get into trouble. :}

    All of that to say, I'm with you on that "one day at a time" is all I can commit to thing. :D


    P.S. Totally great news about the BGL. My un-nursey guess is that you will be diagnosed with pre-diabetes. Keep us posted.

  3. I completely understand the "not sharing personal information until you are ready" thing. You are not obligated to share anything you don't want to.

    Good luck with your Dr. appointments. I have one coming up too, with a new Dr. I have great anxiety about it, because I am "physician phobic," for a lot of reasons I have not shared here either. I know that proper fitting shoes are so important. However, for some reason, I have lots of difficulty finding really good fitting shoes.

    I'm also tracking WW points now. It's going well, and I hope it will see me though my weight loss process and then lead to a more normal lifestyle. Take care...

  4. Lets give a shout out for Mondays!! You can do it!

  5. I am here for you if you ever need me! And I wear running shoes too but don't run. I've been put in them for years when I go to the store and they watch my gait.