Saturday I got lots of exercise - in the form of a 5 mile walk and then some CD led Pilates in my den. By Sunday, my abs and other assorted core parts were achy in the best way - I really felt like I'd done something constructive for my body, and that made me more determined to keep it up and get back on a regular exercise schedule NMW (no matter what).
Saturday afternoon I went with some girl friends and saw The Help, which was wonderful. Such a great story - only slightly altered from the book. It was a movie that included laughing and crying - my favorite kind. Wonderful performances, great period costuming and sets (cars and buses from the early 60s). Highly recommended.
Yesterday we had torrential rain all day long, to the point where our back yard had so much water that it was looking like the Everglades, minus the gators. It was a perfect day for watching mindless Lifetime and Hallmark movie channel movies and reading, which is what I did. Sometimes days like that can make me want to graze all day, but I did pretty well staying on track with good food choices. I did end up have 2 ears of fantastic corn on the cob with dinner rather than the one I'd planned, but that wasn't too heinous. It was the bicolor corn from a local farm and it was like candy - sweet, succulent and delish.
I want to talk about something that I think I may have posted about a couple years ago. As is often the case on my blog, this notion is inspired by something I learned about in AA, which I'll get to in a minute.
There are many of us in the blog community striving to either lose weight or maintain weight loss, as well as to get as healthy and fit as possible. Many folks have lost weight and done great maintaining for years, and find they can successfully adopt the intuitive method of eating once they reach their goal weight and strike a good balance of eating and exercising. Then there are others who've found weight loss and fitness but quick to say that they will always have to work at staying in their desired range - that the tendencies to turn to food in times of emotional turmoil or other stresses remain long after the weight has vanished. In other words - for some, the fight is over once they "learn" how to eat healthfully and move enough to burn fat and tone muscles. For others (most?), maintaining will always be a
In that 2nd category there is a sub group that are true food addicts...a tribe of which I'm unfortunately a member. (Hey, I'm not complaining, just stating fact - I could have a lot more serious, limiting or life-threatening diseases!) And this leads me to the aforementioned nugget of wisdom I learned many years ago when I first started going to AA, which is this: Once a cucumber is pickled, it can't go back to being a cucumber.
In AA this relevant because once a person's drinking has become alcoholic in nature, it won't go back to being "normal" - ever. I recently shared with you guys that I celebrated 20 years of sobriety. That's a shitload of sober time. But it isn't enough, nor will any amount of time be enough, to enable me to successfully drink alcohol again. Not a civilized glass of merlot with dinner. Not a shared pitcher of beer with a few friends. Maybe I could have one glass once or twice, but dollars to donuts, once I put alcohol in my body, it's a matter of time before I'll be back to the races again. I'm pickled - and no amount of time out of the pickle jar will render me a simple cucumber again - or a simple normal drinker.
The same is true with food. I've proven this to myself about a quintillion times. Lose weight. Feel great. Add back in certain foods that have ALWAYS sent me back for more - and off to the races goeth I. Sad but true. I KNOW THIS. Maybe that's why I'm so resistant to ultimately power through my cravings and food thoughts and get this weight off once and for all. Because there is no once and for all. There's only one day at a time and I will never be able to totally relax and eat the way I'm hard wired to eat. Knowing that is helpful, I think. But not helpful for losing the weight. It's helpful in that it cuts through my denial, and my wishing I was not this way. It convicts me with responsibility for my own well being. I know how to live without one of my substances a day at a time. And I know that if I can do the one, the other is within my grasp IF I REALLY WANT IT.
These are just thoughts - triggered by a couple of blogs I've read lately where people with similar issues to mine are pondering how to proceed on their respective journeys. I'm just realizing that if I want to get on down the scale and actually get there, it won't be the end. It will be the beginning of more one days at a time.