Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Sorry summer

Thanks all, for the suggestions about the Blogger issue.  I tried unclicking that "remember me" box and it worked - but of late I don't even get that option.  I'm going to keep at it, and if I have a comment I can't resist passing on, I email to the person if the address is available.

I just want to ask a question...what the hell has been going on this summer???  I'm seeing, both in blogs I read as well as in the comments on those blogs, that a lot of us have really struggled this summer - often resulting in regaining some hard fought off pounds.  And seeing others' courage in reporting, I will throw my hat into this rather dismal ring by noting that I too have gain back about 5-7 pounds in 6 weeks.  Not the worst I've read, but bad enough to jolt me.

Part of me takes comfort in the fact that I am clearly not alone in this.  But if I take too much comfort, I can keep these newfound old pounds and add more.  In a New York second.  And it's puzzling, because usually I drop a few pounds in the summer without trying because I'm so much more active.  This summer I haven't been - I quit the gym to save $, and it's been hotter than the hinges of Hades until the last 2 weeks when earthquakes and hurricanes have made their presences known in places they don't usually.

Hey!! Maybe that's it...deep, cosmic, preternatural forces have aligned or collided to get in the way of us earnest bloggers' efforts to lose weight and get fit!  That just came to me as I'm stream of conscious-ing here, but methinks it doesn't hold water.  At least not about myself.

I have had many desires to eat sweets and highly processed crap this summer - and rather than wait out the urges, I've succumbed with the intention of just having "a little", or "one", or "just this one last day"...knowing it's a crock of horse manure to think I'm going to stop at a moderate amount.  I've talked over and over on this blog about the nature of addiction, linking my ideas to what I've learned in my long term sobriety in AA.  But I have been struggling with the desire to lose weight and get fit.  I want to eat less and move more, but when push comes to shove, it seems I don't want it enough to do what it takes to get it.  So I desire to desire to be willing to be willing...  you get the point.

It's really hard to stick to a plan when at the most basic level I'm not feeling desperate enough to follow up my plan with action.  (Do I really need to feel desperate to want to be healthier and more fit?)  For now, I'm praying for willingness and desire to get on track and stick with it when I want to eat cheez-its and other assorted junk food when I get home from work when the going gets rough.  Resisting cravings and sitting in the discomfort of not responding to my food thoughts is like having a muscle that is atrophied from lack of use.  It hurts to move it, but as you begin to exercise it in little ways, it gets stronger and less painful.  My muscle for resisting extra eating is not only atrophied, it's practically dead from lack of action.  But it can be strengthened - I know because I've done it before.

With the atmosphere evidencing early vapors of autumn, I'm feeling more optimistic that I can and will begin more walking, more exercise DVDs, and less mindless dependence on the virtual groaning board that has become my pantry this summer.  Also I've mentioned before that I think I need to join a new (and less pricey) gym, just to get back into the discipline of showing up most days after work and at least doing some elliptical work and strength training.

Motivated by more courageous bloggers than myself, I'm coming clean to admit my sorry summer of sloppy self care.  From 205 in early May, I was 212 on Sunday morning.  And that is with eating plenty of fruit, vegetables, lean protein and low or no-fat dairy products.  Obviously they are not at the core of my current status.  I can't blame having a 23 y/o son home, because he doesn't eat most of the junk that someone I bring into the house.  I'm not quitting.  I'm in it for the long haul, but it's already been long enough!


  1. :O I wrote this stellar comment and Blogger ate it! :D I cannot redo. Except to say--I'm leaning towards preternatural forces, myself.

    See my comment on Lyn's (Escape form Obesity) blog.


  2. I love this line: "I desire to desire to be willing to be willing."

    Yep, the tale end of my summer wasn't what I thought it would be either, but just yesterday I realized (and will write in my post tomorrow) that I didn't count points for just 10 days. And I didn't gain any weight, so all this beating myself up was for nothing!

    Sending big hugs your way!

  3. Well we ended the summer by eating comfort food as we stayed by my mother in laws bedside until she passed away. Now it's time to get back to our healthy eating ways, exercise and engage in life again.

  4. Hi Leslie! I eat healthy food at the same time as gaining weight too. It's because: little cookies and mini candy bars are evil! and fattening!

    But the cooler weather is great, and I'm on the upswing.

    :-) Marion

  5. I think bloggers go in cycles. They start out as eager weight loss people and then cycle into some of the things you describe. It is hard to move to next level, stay on path, do what needs done for many people.

    You are right that it is very important these bloggers keep writing. And that they honestly face what is going on - reality. We do not write for numbers nor readers. We write to listen to ourselves and figure out what is going on in our process.

    I have (honestly) had to really watch what/who I read so I do not get pulled down into the muck myself. It is not that I am not sympathetic. I understand. It is more the fine line of enabling and codependence. I have a had a lot going on all summer (that could have sucked me under). Have been doing really well, want to keep myself very even.

  6. This has been a strange time for sure. I am so sad because a couple of my Blog Friends have quit....and they were doing so well. A lot of their last posts were so hopeful, listed accomplishments they wanted to reach, had enthusiasm...Now they are gone.....

    Me, I'm pluggin' along! No stellar weight loss, but renewed dedication to fitness and focus on less calories! Those pounds will be coming off soon!!

    Keep focused!

  7. As always Leslie a great post. Your self retrospection is something I've always admired.

    While I haven't gained a bunch of weight, I have not managed to budge any of the 30+ pounds off either. Very discouraging. I probably should do some self inventory to figure that out.

  8. I think blogging is like many things...we can get fatigued and need a bit of a vacation. I think that's OK. No one goes to work 7 days a week--week after week. Sometimes we also have to figure out what we're trying to accomplish, and such goals can change over time. The trouble with blogging is that we "put is all out there," and when things don't go as we said they would or planned, we feel like we have failed. I say "no, we haven't," if we're not spinning our wheels in the same rut. It's okay to change things because something hasn't worked or because we have gained new information. It's our weight to lose, not the other person's (or blogger's). They can always tune out if they don't want to read about a period of struggles. Even the bloggers who have lost a lot of weight may run into a period of struggle.