Sorry summer

Thanks all, for the suggestions about the Blogger issue.  I tried unclicking that "remember me" box and it worked - but of late I don't even get that option.  I'm going to keep at it, and if I have a comment I can't resist passing on, I email to the person if the address is available.

I just want to ask a question...what the hell has been going on this summer???  I'm seeing, both in blogs I read as well as in the comments on those blogs, that a lot of us have really struggled this summer - often resulting in regaining some hard fought off pounds.  And seeing others' courage in reporting, I will throw my hat into this rather dismal ring by noting that I too have gain back about 5-7 pounds in 6 weeks.  Not the worst I've read, but bad enough to jolt me.

Part of me takes comfort in the fact that I am clearly not alone in this.  But if I take too much comfort, I can keep these newfound old pounds and add more.  In a New York second.  And it's puzzling, because usually I drop a few pounds in the summer without trying because I'm so much more active.  This summer I haven't been - I quit the gym to save $, and it's been hotter than the hinges of Hades until the last 2 weeks when earthquakes and hurricanes have made their presences known in places they don't usually.

Hey!! Maybe that's it...deep, cosmic, preternatural forces have aligned or collided to get in the way of us earnest bloggers' efforts to lose weight and get fit!  That just came to me as I'm stream of conscious-ing here, but methinks it doesn't hold water.  At least not about myself.

I have had many desires to eat sweets and highly processed crap this summer - and rather than wait out the urges, I've succumbed with the intention of just having "a little", or "one", or "just this one last day"...knowing it's a crock of horse manure to think I'm going to stop at a moderate amount.  I've talked over and over on this blog about the nature of addiction, linking my ideas to what I've learned in my long term sobriety in AA.  But I have been struggling with the desire to lose weight and get fit.  I want to eat less and move more, but when push comes to shove, it seems I don't want it enough to do what it takes to get it.  So I desire to desire to be willing to be willing...  you get the point.

It's really hard to stick to a plan when at the most basic level I'm not feeling desperate enough to follow up my plan with action.  (Do I really need to feel desperate to want to be healthier and more fit?)  For now, I'm praying for willingness and desire to get on track and stick with it when I want to eat cheez-its and other assorted junk food when I get home from work when the going gets rough.  Resisting cravings and sitting in the discomfort of not responding to my food thoughts is like having a muscle that is atrophied from lack of use.  It hurts to move it, but as you begin to exercise it in little ways, it gets stronger and less painful.  My muscle for resisting extra eating is not only atrophied, it's practically dead from lack of action.  But it can be strengthened - I know because I've done it before.

With the atmosphere evidencing early vapors of autumn, I'm feeling more optimistic that I can and will begin more walking, more exercise DVDs, and less mindless dependence on the virtual groaning board that has become my pantry this summer.  Also I've mentioned before that I think I need to join a new (and less pricey) gym, just to get back into the discipline of showing up most days after work and at least doing some elliptical work and strength training.

Motivated by more courageous bloggers than myself, I'm coming clean to admit my sorry summer of sloppy self care.  From 205 in early May, I was 212 on Sunday morning.  And that is with eating plenty of fruit, vegetables, lean protein and low or no-fat dairy products.  Obviously they are not at the core of my current status.  I can't blame having a 23 y/o son home, because he doesn't eat most of the junk that someone I bring into the house.  I'm not quitting.  I'm in it for the long haul, but it's already been long enough!