Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Unwrung - the Sunday story

Picture a large lush towel. Imagine immersing it in water, then twisting it up tightly, maybe with someone at the other end, into a tightly coiled snake of a thing in order to squeeze every drop of water out of it. Then visualize setting it down without taking time to untwist it, and see that in the absence of the substance and tone of the extra water it held and the tortion applied by the handlers, it relaxes out partially but not even close to all the way. Let it lie untouched where it was placed and began letting go of its tension for a couple of days; then come back. Dollars to donuts (love food analogies!) it'll be stiff and dry and sort of cast into it's partially unwrung shape.

That's kind of how I felt Sunday, after the Friday night ER visit and the mellow Saturday that followed. Not quite all the way wrung out. Recall from the last post that I was going to "face the music" regarding my food indiscretions of Friday night coupled with my relaxed but not bingey eating behavior of Saturday on Sunday morning. And big shock...I'd gained 4.3 pounds (I love how digital scales give you specific numbers down to the tenths). I felt great physically, glad to have gotten on the scale to survey the damage, and ready to resume my "plan" of eating and exercise. But I also felt somewhat hungover from the Friday night-Sunday morning experience...realizing that I hadn't exercised now for essentially 3 days, my eating had been off (or on, depending on how you view it) and I still had vapors of concern from the elevated heart rate/UTI experience. What to do, what to do?

I decided to get right back on the pony and ride, rather, exercise and eat right and do what I've been doing that has been working. You know, the old "act your way into right thinking". My mind wanted to tell me I should take more time for healing (the doctor told me I had no restrictions and that I was fine as long as I took the antibiotic...); and my mind was also yapping at me that here was the beginning of the inevitable slippery slope back to 220 lbs and beyond, where my chief source of exercise was horizontally holding down the couch. What is it with an eating disordered mind??? In AA there's a saying that if you're in your head too much, you're behind enemy lines. It's so true with an addictive head. I'm so grateful to have learned that I don't have to believe every thought that pops up. But sometimes I forget, and then the adage "fake it 'til you make it" comes into play. Just do the next right thing, even if my head is tossing up road blocks and misinformation, which it is hard-wired to do pretty often.

So I ended up having a great day Sunday. I ate healthy and enough, had an amazing 5 mile walk/jog in the local park, got together with friends, hung out with hubby, and reclaimed my journey to health, fitness and a happier weight. Sundays don't ever have to be the same as they used to be.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Leslie. Not surprised you feel a bit wrung out! (Great analogy by the way.) But you've dealt with the crisis and got back onto an even keel. Well done!

    Wish I could knit because it sounds like a lovely calming activity to do with a bunch of friends - and free therapy thrown in!

    You're doing so well - I don't think you're "faking it", you really are doing it, "the next right thing". What a great philosophy! I'm going to try it myself.

    Thanks for the inspiration and keeping going ...

    Best wishes,
    Bearfriend xx