Saturday, October 23, 2010

the beat goes on...

My mini-vacation continues to be delightful, renewing, restful and FUN with a capital FUN.  I'm feeling so positive and peaceful I'm starting to scare myself!  Not really, but I'm acutely aware right now of how often I bring angst about my weight and appearance along when I visit the Atlanta folks (or enter into other situations as well), thereby ensuring that at some level I feel "less than" when I'm with them.  "Less than" because I'm "more than", so to speak.  By some miracle, this old series of tapes seems to have been removed from my emotional collection a couple of weeks before I even left for this trip.  Vapors of that stale material waft through my mind, but they aren't taking hold for some reason. 

It truly feels like grace - an unwarranted gift.  My AA sponsor always says to me something her sponsor used to say to her...if you keep your good feelings anchored in gratitude, you can accept them without guilt, worry or fear.  Without developing a sense of entitlement or, on the flip side, a sense of martyrdom that feels ever undeserving.  Just being right-sized about how things are in the present moment.  Because however they are will change.  Will pass.  For this time right now, I am immensely grateful. 

Sorry to go all cosmic and spiritual on you guys.  You know how I can go on and on ;).  Out of respect and kindness to you all, I'm sparing you 10 or 20 more paragraphs of my metaphysical mumblings.

So - dinner with Tammy was another mountain top experience.  We had a ball and clearly could have gabbed for hours and hours.  I'll tell more about it when I get home and can upload the pictures - but suffice to say we did a lot of big smiling, talking our asses off and getting to know each other better.  Oh, and eating.  She's lovely, beautiful, smart, articulate, fun, self-aware and as real as can be.  With a heart the size of the Grand Canyon, as you might already know.  I'm pretty sure she had as much fun as I did, but you'll have to see what she says at her blog.  And remember Tammy, what went on at the table stays at the table.

After I got back to my BIL and SIL's house, we sat up and watched the Texas Rangers kick the Yankees' sorry asses back to New York and beyond, and laughed, talked, listened to great music and played with their puppy.  Totally comfortable and relaxing - comflaxing?  New word for the OED?  Don't think it will compete with "chillaxin'", but you never know.

Today is likely to be another good one...brunch with one of my other SILs (the one who visited us last month), then picking up my son at Emory and hanging out with him for the rest of the day until the family party at that same SILs' home.  19 people, and I'm looking forward to seeing everyone.  These family parties used to cause me so much angst.  I've always had a great time once there, but used to obsess the whole day before about how I looked.  That just isn't there this time.  Now watch, probably I'll have a terrible time because I'll overhear conversations where people are talking about how fat I am!  Hey, I'm just joshin' ya!

Tomorrow morning I fly home and am looking forward to seeing hubby, son and dog.  I've talked to all 3 of them each day (yes, the dog too), and I think they're starting to be seriously jealous over the great time I'm having.  I'll be ready to resume my regularly scheduled life, but am totally enjoying this special programming in the meantime.

Finally - GO PHILLIES!!!


  1. Sounds like a great time:) I hope you at least talked to the two legged people before the four legged one.

  2. What a great trip. I'm so glad you had a great time. Have a happy reunion with your family!

  3. i miss you all so much! ouch it hurts! GO PHILLIES!

  4. Hey!!!!! I can't believe all those nice (untrue) things you said about me!!!! lol I'm so embarassed now. I had an absolutely fantastic time, just like I knew we would....and 2 hours is simply not enough. Can't wait til you get back in May, and if you find a way to get back sooner, let me know! :)

  5. Wow, I LOVED what your sponsor told you about anchoring good feelings in gratitude, and why. I'd never heard it put like that before. That was wonderful.

    You can wax all spiritual any time!

  6. Glad you are having such a great weekend! I like your new word too - comflaxing! :D Have a safe trip home.

  7. I love it that this getaway is everything it should be for you - and more! (I, too, was glad to see the Yankees out of it and I don't even like baseball very much - lol!)

  8. JW at Awake for the Dance had a great post on empowerment. You might like it. Enjoy your family and time with your son! Michele