Scale Roulette

200.0. Need I say more? But you know I will (insert smiley face that I don't know how to do in blogdom). I had really good clean last 3 days; the evenings - not so much. I was pretty bingey, and so didn't bother to get on the scale at all over the weekend. If you glance to the right, you see that Friday morning for weekly weigh-in I was 197, which was a one pound loss from the week before. I'd committed to weighing only weekly to help me stop playing around with my food intake based on the scale number. But after the weekend, I knew I needed to survey the landscape, which is slightly more mountainous than 3 days ago.

Can you believe I was actually relieved when I saw the number? If you've played scale roulette over the years, you're likely nodding in answer to that question. I stepped on fully expecting more wreckage. And I realize those 3 pounds likely don't reflect true fat regain, especially since I exercised all three days. But this is how subtle weight gain starts to happen for me. And why, unless I know I'm eating healthfully with no bingeing and solid exercising, it's risky for me to not step on the scale every few days.

The scale wields so much power for me. If I'm doing really well for several days in a row, I want to peek at the progress. You know..."for motivation". But if I see good progress, I think I can have "a little something extra" that day without harm. But for a food addict, the first compulsive bite, or even a regular bite of a potential trigger food can flip the switch in my brain, and off to the races I go. And isn't perspective everything at the scale? When I was on my way down a many weeks back, 200 was thrilling as I prepared to fall into a new century. Going back up, it's awful, and I swore I wasn't going to weigh a number that began with 2 ever again. To weigh or not to weigh...that's quite a question.

My husband has been out of town since last Wednesday, and I was thinking I'd be able to really knock off the pounds because I could just eat totally clean and not be cooking for him. Problem was, I didn't cook for myself, and so I'd be starving - empty stomach hunger, at dinner time and grab a handful of healthy walnuts to "tide me over" until I came up with a dinner plan. Then a second handful, mixed with dried cranberries, and down the garden path I went. In the wrong direction. Those 2 handfuls wouldn't have caused me any problem if I already a dinner in mind and ready to prepare fast (even a Lean Cuisine on hand), but I didn't.

Another lesson relearned that I already knew. Healthy eating requires planning. I know this and usually do it. Lyn at Escape From Obesity had a great post about this yesterday...doing food prep a couple times a week to have the right food on hand. I just didn't bother, maybe because at some level I wanted a free weekend. Free weekends exact a cost and a consequence, which I'm meeting today face to face. Hubby comes home late tonight, which will restore that level of normalcy to the homefront (though I enjoy the time alone!). I will have a clean day today, go to the gym, and not beat myself up. And I'm going to give some thought to trigger foods and may write about that later.