Friday, September 17, 2010

Wisdom comes from everywhere

I promise to be brief less long-winded today.  I did not make it through the day only feeling my feelings, but I didn't binge.  I felt them (or pondered what the hell they were) for awhile, but I ended up having 2 bags of Trader Joe's Lite Kettle Corn (110 calories each) after work; then we had dinner from the Golf Club my husband belongs to and I had some kind of dense chocolate orgasmic dessert that  had my mouth puckering by the time I finished it because it was so rich and good.  The rest of the meal was horrible, so dinner was a baked white potato (I NEVER eat white potatoes) and the chocolate.  I ordered filet mignon and got it medium since it cooks more in the styrofoam container as hubby drives it home.  Well, it was bloody raw.  Disgusting.  I ate one tiny bite.  I'm going to use it (and hubby's leftovers) in some kind of soup or stew over the weekend.  I almost never eat red meat but the filet sounded good.  Never again.  So not great but not a binge.  It's a process.  I can't go from totally unidentified feelings feeling to Enlightenment in one day!

BUT - my weight was 206.3 this morning!  Down 3 from Monday, so I'm pleased and starting to see Onederland (again) way off in the distance.  Could be a quick trip there, or a circuitous lengthy one.  It really is up to me.  Send me positive vibes and traveling mercies, please!  I want to get there FOR THE LAST TIME and SOON.  It would be such a relief to to leave the 2 century mark forever.  Again - up to me.  I'm not quitting and I'm working on it.

I heard something interesting at my aa meeting this morning.  A 40-something gal who is a graphic designer and was laid off 3 years ago shared that she's been doing temp work for the same company in downtown Philly for 2 years.  She noted that she has been there a lot, has good working relationships with all the people there, has always done whatever they asked of her and worked hard to be a valuable human resource.  She likened her last 2 years at this place to a 2 year job interview, about which she felt very good and positive for when the company started hiring again.

She found out yesterday that this past week, the company did in fact begin hiring - 2 brand new people from the outside.  She was stunned and shocked, disappointed and depressed about it.  She said when she came home yesterday, her husband was going to get dinner for them at a local restuarant and asked her what, if anything, she wanted.  She reported she wanted to say, "I want a large order of wings, a big cheeseburger with fries, dessert....", but then she said she stopped and said, "NO.  I'm not going to eat over this.  I'm going to feel it, even though I'm not happy about it and feel like shit."  (She'd already noted that she never felt like drinking at all, even over the last 3 yrs of unemployment and temping.)  But for some reason she added in the thing about not eating over it either. 

WOW.  In my egomaniacal mind I knew she said that just for my ears!  Of course she didn't, but it was so relevant for me.  In finishing talking about the whole experience, she had no regrets because she knew she couldn't do anything more than she's done.  "Maybe I'm not supposed to be there afterall."  How cool to be clearheaded, sober, rational, appropriately disappointed and come to such a conclusion without going into a self deprecating rant or even ragging and whining about the company.  Talk about inspiration!


  1. I have no doubt you're going to conquer this. You totally have it in you :)


  2. To be able to get to the place where your AA friend was, is indeed a remarkable thing. How blessed you are to have karma put it right in front of your face this morning!

    Have a wonderful weekend full of long walks, good food and kindness to yourself.

  3. Divine intervention my sweet friend....I believe that story WAS told JUST FOR YOU...:) And congrats on the 3 lbs down...yeah baby!!! Soooo close to Onederland...but let's keep it to one (sane) day at a time, shall we?? You'll be there in no time! :)

  4. Interesting how you hear exactly what you need to at those meetings - and I'm very impressed by that woman's ability to see beyond the initial hurt of her situation.

    Congrats on the 3 pounds...hope you see Onederland soon!

  5. Amazing how we can find inspiration in the strangest places. Take it and run with it!

  6. Oh my; you know my little sis who is also a nurse often tells me she forgot to eat all day! That is so foreign to me and of course, she has never had a weight problem although she will tell you she has..125 soaking wet...but maybe not a size 4. Congrats on the weight loss- I am around your weight and hoping to see the 190s soon oh please oh please...

  7. Yep, she said that just for you to hear. I think things work like that. And, my dear, I'm wishing you all possible mercies in your travel (cause I'm on the same road and I need them, too). Hugs

  8. First off, hoorah to the gal at AA. What a story! It is really too bad about about job, but great that she didn't let it get the best of her.

    Sorry about the dinner.

  9. Wow, congrats on your progress toward Onederland. You can do it, Leslie! You don't give up, and you can do it.

    That is something about that woman's story being so relevant to you. What strength she has to see beyond that terrible disapointment. I'm feeling a lot more grateful about going to my new job tomorrow.

    I needed to hear her story, too. THANKS!

  10. haven't posted since last Fri...what is UP with that???? :)