Monday, January 9, 2012

Half and half

I had a 1/2 good and 1/2 bad weekend.  Actually, the weekend was its usual lovely, work-free, see friends, chillaxin', get all the Christmas crap put away and other assorted tasks done where I managed to sneak in watching the last 5 episodes of the first season of Dexter (omg, that show is so good and so creepy!).  Where it was 1/2 an 1/2 is in the journey to fitness an leanness arena.  Don't be shocked... :(

On both days I got in 3+ mile very brisk walks (the weather was akin to spring), as well as some weights and an exercise dvd.  On both days, I did not stay sugar free, and I ended up overeating.  I also discovered pita chips, which I've instructed my brain to forget entirely, because my encounter with them was of the overdoing kind.  I'd really not sampled them before, as they seemed wasted calories in that if I was going to eat that kind of highly refined snack item, I figured I might as well go for the simple (and highly coverted) potato chips rather than this "lite weight" snack wannabe.

But in the interest of making better choices, I thought I'd give the "baked not fried" chips a try.  Big mistake, as in they were so good I ended up eating the entire bag over course of several hours.  One napkin full at a time.  Siiigh.  That was Saturday.  Sunday was a much better day, and though I did eat 4 Keebler cocunut chocolate cookies, I didn't get triggered the way I did the day before.

This all too familiar behavior puts me in mind of what I mentioned last week having read in some OA literature about how the idea of "abstinence" came to be a tool in their program.  I'm going to talk about it tomorrow a little, but I'm having a busy enough day at work that I'm going to make this post brief.

I feel embarrassed again about falling off the wagon after a quick 2 day ride on it - but all is certainly not lost.  I have my plan for today and I intend to follow it.  I know what I'm eating for lunch (soon!) and dinner, so there won't be any fuzzy-brained decisions to make when it's time for meals.  I didn't want to out myself here, but I'm committed to doing just that each time.  I want to make 2012 a banner year for myself in this long journey to where I want to be.  See ya tomorrow!


  1. OMG - again - me too!!! And that abstinence thing - can't wait to read what you have to say.

  2. Yeah, that abstinence thing. sigh.

    It occurred to me the other day as I was reading a post that sort of railed against the idea of declaring oneself to be a food addict, that my problem has been that, while I have ID'd myself as a food addict, I haven't really believed it in a "saving knowledge" kind of way. I've continued, despite blowing smoke otherwise, to act as tho I am food normal.

    The result was not only a 35 pound weight regain last year, but the other day I already felt ice under my feet as I walked my food-sane path. :O "S'up with this?" I thought.

    I was eating appropriate food, I had no cravings, wasn't even hungry...but I could FEEL the slip approaching.

    It occurred to me that I had not done what this addict needed to do--instetad of confining my eating to three specific, one-sitting meals, I had spread my allotted food over the day. Cal/carb count was good equaled three meals worth, but that continual eating got my addicted brain thinking that we were having free reign with the food and I could feel it gear up.

    No binge happened. But I could hear it in the distance making its way to pay me a visit.

    So, the following day, I began the eat only at meals...really at meals. sigh. For me, that is abstinence. Eating three discrete meals and not overeating during those meals. Health issues require the gluten-free and low carb thing, the addiction requires that I do not eat outside of meals.

    I don't like it one bit. Feels like eating simply for nutrition's sake. Oh. Wait... Hmmm.


    It's been hard, I have to tell you. But the ice is melting.


  3. I'm glad you clarified because as soon as I read your sentence my thought was "Her weekend was probably great and she's basing this on food." One of the things I used to emphasize when I taught weight loss classes was separating your life from your food. They really are two different things. Some people told me that mastering that separation was actually the thing that triggered them to staying on their path to wellness.

  4. Here, here! I'm right with you.

  5. all is so so so so not lost.
    come sit over here by me on the wagon.



  6. I can have a bag of cookies, a pie and a chocolate cake all within reach and I could pass it up for the rest of my life - however, give me pretzels, potato chips or flaming hot cheetos and all bets are off!

    Hang in there Leslie! :D Hugs!

  7. Just keep focused on your plan and don't give up!!

    Stay focused!!!

  8. Well you didn't eat a bag of the regular chips, that's something!