Monday, January 30, 2012

Moody Monday

Hi everyone - Just checking in since I didn't post over the weekend.  I lost 2 pounds last week (actually in 8 days) -I'm at 211.  Still a sucky number but better than one ounce more!  I held to my 3 meals plus one snack through Thursday, and then Friday evening my snack was light ice cream that was way too good.  So I had another serving, and then something crunchy/salty.

Usually light ice cream doesn't entice me that much, which is why (really? or am I BS-ing myself?) I thought I could have a scoop and not want more.  The flavor was Extreme Cookies and Cream, and everything about it immediately had my mouth cells and brain cells wanting/needing more.  Oy vey!  When is she gonna learn?!  I melted it down the kitchen sink next morning, never to be seen again - or bought.  That list of forbidden fruit keeps getting longer...sigh.

That deviation from what is a simple and reasonable plan was enough to make it hard for me to get back to my meals +1 eating over the weekend.  I had no binges, but I definitely popped things into my mouth between meals both days, and ate more than I needed to at meals.  I got a lot of exerise and drank a shitload of H2O, so those aspects helped me minimize the damage. 

I'm not apologizing or making excuses and know I'm working on a default setting that has been in place for a long time and isn't going to turn around right away.  I wish I followed the plan through the weekend, but I'm here today and intending to stick to it.

On the home front, my youngest son who was diagnosed with mono last week is slowly improving.  I've heard from many people that it can take awhile, and my obsessive anxious mind has been in overdrive - spinning out catastrophic scenarios that are really nutty.  This is from OLD, deep, buried stuff from childhood that I've worked on in and out of therapy and beyond, but it seems it's not going all the way away - no matter how much I want it to.  I've gotten much better, but once in awhile I get into an anxious place and have to really use all my tools to negotiate and manage my emotions.  This is an inside job that obviously I don't share with too many folks, but my husband is great to talk to about this.  He's been solid and mostly understanding, and his absence of worry helps me ratchet down and get perspective.

Ahh - nothing like childhood trauma to bring us to our knees!  Sorry to be dumping this, but it's another part of my trying to not let it eat away at my insides while eat everything I can find on the outside!

Here's to a good Monday for all of us!  Now on to some blog reading for me!


  1. Losing two pounds last week is fabulous! I understand the childhood trauma "stuff." I have found that many of us who have had compulsive overeating issues have similar backgrounds that often involve childhood trauma. Glad to hear your husband is supportive. Have a great week!

  2. Happy Monday Leslie! Sorry to hear about your son but glad he is properly diagnosed and medicated.

    I think 2 pounds in a week is fantastic!

  3. 2 pounds is a good loss and you should be happy about it. Therapy is hard work, people have no idea until they go in and start digging through their issues. Best wishes!

  4. Two pounds! Awesome!
    Have a great week!

  5. Oh yes... that ever growing list. I have one too:( My most recent addition was dark chocolate. I have some ice cream at home that is not great and really low cal and I can actually let it sit for ages without eating or wanting any and when I do have some I can actually moderate. Which is crazy if you think about it because the only reason I can do this is because it's not very good. But fine for a diet food, if you know what I mean. Anyhow... it's the Arctic Zero. I don't dare try their bars but I haven't seen any in stores near me. Phew.

  6. 2 lb is AWESOME!!! Sorry your son is sick but I'm sure he'll be back at 'em soon...just needs a little healing time. :)

  7. Its awful when the kids are sick, no matter how old they are!
    Great job on your 2lb loss :) Keep at it!

  8. You know, Leslie, childhood trauma can really rise up and bite you, can't it? i totally believe in healing from that and know therapy works, but there are just some of those old memory bits that get triggered. It's a physical thing w/ the neuronal pathways. shrug. Every now and then, one fires up.

    My mother was good for swinging at me and catching me off-guard. I STILL have an exaggerated startle response that is quite annoying. People who know me have learned not to approach me from behind and touch me. So embarrassing. And no one's hit me since I got married 41 years ago! Again, shrug. It is what it is.

    Awareness is key with the anxiety and you're doing exactly the right thing. Just keep talk yourself down. :)

    Hey. About the ice cream. Perhaps it was the presence of that whole cookie thing?



  9. P.S. I saw your comment on the "Escape" blog. I agree--and the post troubled me, too.

  10. Hey Leslie congrats on the weight loss! What a bummer about your son.I had mono when I was 16 (feels like a lifetime ago) anyway it took about 6 weeks for me to bounce back to normal-but I did!

    Sorry about the childhood stuff getting in your way. I was just talking with a girlfriend today about this same thing. Those events and experiences are deep seated.

    Glad to know your hubby is supportive and helps keep you calm.

  11. Yay for 2 pounds!!! I hope your son feels better soon!!!

  12. That's why I can't have pretzels in my house - while I think I can handle one serving, before I know it I've stuck my hand in the bag every time I walk by the pantry. Um, turns out if its not on a plate I don't count it as actually eating!

    Hope your son feels better - my sister had it in college and she was down and out for about a month if I remember correctly.