19 Big Ones!

Thank you all so much for your kind comments to my post yesterday.  I really didn't know what was going to flow through the digits when I started typing.  I was asked to tell my story at an AA meeting next Tuesday night and I think my subconscious has been percolating about my drinking story, so you guys got some of it.  Or ya'll, for the southern folks.

I didn't write that post yesterday as an intro to my very happy announcement today, but it kind of fits as just that.  Today is my AA anniversary - 19 years sober!  That's a long darn time to not drink for an alcoholic.  I am so grateful for my sobriety as it's been the greatest gift in my life.  Does that sound strange?

The reason it's the greatest gift is because sobriety and regular attendance at AA has turned my life around - 180 degrees - from the sad, lonely and less-than existence I lived when I was drinking.  On the outside I had everything I wanted - a wonderful loving husband, 3 kids (my specific order was 2 boys and a girl, and that's what we got!), a nice house, good career, a loving extended in-law family with whom I jived right away...lots of good things that I in no way deserved - but I couldn't really participate fully in any of it.  I loved my kids but felt less-than as a parent; same with my husband - I couldn't show up for him the way I would have wanted.  My actions didn't match my values.  I felt bad about myself, and was also excrutiatingly self centered.  In AA they call that an "egomaniac with an inferiority complex"!  Isn't that a great term?  Maybe it's not unique to AA, but it's where I first heard it.

Once I started coming to AA and finally put down the booze, things started getting better...little things, then bigger ones.  I started getting better.  Slo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-w-ly, but steadily.  And I have to say that while I had to stop drinking first, the fellowship and program of Alcoholics Anonymous is what taught me in a thousand different ways how to suit up, grow up and show up for life.  It still teaches me about myself, alcoholism and striving to live a life that is mainly oriented to service to others.  Now I remain an egotistical self-centered gal, but so much less so than I used to be.

Getting sober in AA has allowed me to truly live the life I've been given to the best of my ability; to love my dear family and try to be a good citizen.  I heard someone at a meeting this morning say that AA saved their family.  It saved mine too.  We were still doing okay, but as I went downhill, the family and all the relationships therein would have been negatively affected.  It was already happening when I started contemplating getting sober, especially between Tom and me.  Things were not good.  I was not nice.  I was a mess.

So when I say sobriety is my greatest gift, it's because without it, I would not have the family, friends and life I have today.  Way more than I deserve has been served to me, and I'm just eternally grateful. 

And one more thing - my 21 year old son came to the meeting with me at 7 a.m. this morning to see me get my 19 year coin.  He hugged me in public and told a couple of funny stories about his old mom.  It was great.  He wouldn't have wanted to be around me if I'd been half in the bag for most of his growing up.  He was 2 when I got sober - talk about a blessing that he (nor my other 2) really saw me drunk (that they remember).  One more undeserved favor.

I'll get back to more applied weightloss blogging tomorrow.  As I reflect on my very rich life, I wonder how it would change if I got the weight off and called a truce with food?  I don't know that my life could get a whole lot better - - but I know I can get better, and wouldn't that just be fantastic?