Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Doing well begets wellness

Blogging is the greatest invention since sliced 100% whole wheat bread - I'm convinced of it.  After my whiny brain dump yesterday - the most recent in a long series - I felt so much better.  Lighter.  (My waist band was still constricting, but my spirit elevated and expanded nicely.)  The magic that results from venting, talking it out, journaling, summoning my dear diary...cannot be measured.  Writing is a solitary endeavor of crawling around the cobwebs in my cranial attic, breaking them up, sweeping them out, then surveying how things look and feel afterward.

But what blogging adds when one is fortunate enough to have some readers is the gift of other mind.  Other mind than mine, that is.  Left to my own devices, I can convince myself of anything.  I can think the dumbest shit my mind offers up to my consciousness is brilliant.  But Other Minds offer fresh perspective, a different viewpoint, even an occasional calling me on my sh*t, which is a very good and helpful addition to my own skewed vision.

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I'm happy to report I had an excellent food day yesterday.  No bingeing, no overeating, and no desire for either.  I went home shortly after shoveling out writing that post and felt no urges to overeat.  Or even to have a snack.  I wasn't hungry.  I got hungry by dinnertime several hours later.  It probably seems bizarre that I'd bother to note this here, but this is big rare stuff.  Why some days like that?  Why most days as though I haven't had solid food in 8 weeks?  The zany mystery that is food addiction.  I hate it, but I accept I have it and that I can continue to learn to navigate it without falling headlong into a tub of lard (or turning into one).

Acceptance is such a key piece changing.  It's one thing to recognize clearly that I have strong tendencies to compulsively and addictively overeat.  To convince myself I can wish it away, start again tomorrow and that I can beat this thing through sheer drive and will power.  But accepting it as part of the total Leslie puts me in a place where change is possible.  I've said this all a thousand previous times.  What I haven't said is that just because I accept something doesn't mean I have to like it.  I just need to accept it.  Not liking something doesn't mean it can't be true.  Not accepting it means I'm unlikely to find true change and healing.

I'm just thankful that I got another sane food day under my belt.  One good day seems to increase the liklihood of another.  2 days even moreso.  Doing better begets more doing better.  Eating a piece of bread begets a day of carb loading and the resultant self loathing and disgust that is embodied in the remorse of the next morning.  One clean day begets waking up the next morning feeling a little clearer, more hopeful and less worried about how my pants are going to fit that day.

I plan to report tomorrow that there is another "good" day under my belt, and maybe a little less of the aforementioned lard.

15 comments:

  1. Leslie. Send me your address! Your prize is waiting. You will like it. It is not big--just a little something to say, "I'm glad you gave the challenge a go." Deb

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  2. And a looser waistband I would venture.

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  3. Ahhh yes....acceptance. What a powerful word, and elusive thing to actually employ.

    I don't know if I've ever told you...I've never mentioned it on my blog...but my dad has MS. He was diagnosed 21 years ago when I was as senior in high school. I remember it well...only the 2nd time in my life I had ever seen him cry....he had gathered mom, my 2 sisters and I around the dinner table to tell us the news (mom already knew of course). He told us what he had...that it wasn't fatal...and that it wasn't genetic...so we didn't have to worry about him dying, or us developing it because he had it. But he said he was going to have to retire from a career that he loved...and that money would be tight...things were fixing to get tough. Well tough wasn't the word for it...and I'm not talking about finances. But I remember another thing he said several years later...he said he will NEVER accept it....his disease. He said he would adapt to it...but never accept it. I understood what he meant...I do even more as I age. Because of his comment, I've always viewed the word "acceptance" as bad I guess...maybe as a sign of giving up? But I gotta' tell ya'....this whole weight loss business...the reasons I'm fat and stay fat...and the way that's tied to the word "acceptance"...has my thoughts ALL screwed up. I feel like I need to accept that I'll always have food issues...volume issues...fried pork chop issues, lol...but what do I do with that word? that concept...acceptance. It almost makes me feel like I'm giving in...something my Dad would never do...and I don't like the feeling of separation from Dad in that way...in my thoughts and views on that word and how it relates to me and my own (weight) issues. Wow...talk about your brain dumps!!! Sorry!! I'm leaving now. :)

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  4. Way to go on your successful day!! I know you will have more to come. Keep pushing forward!!!

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  5. Agreed. We can accept things without liking them. I use the saying "It is what it is" often. Plain and simple.

    Excellent to read that your food day was top notch!
    Michele

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  6. I so agree and chime in with Micheles sentiment too.
    Ive post its all over my house with IT IS WHAT IT IS scrawled upon them by way of reminder.

    MizFit

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  7. Bravo Leslie! Yes, keep racking up those good days and soon they turn into weeks and months of good eating and feeling healthy!

    I feel your joy!

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  8. Glad you are feeling better. Blogging really is the BEST!

    Acceptance....harder then it sounds, right??

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  9. Oh, I totally agree with you about the blogging. It's helping me so much to focus and keep my head in this in a positive way. I know that this time I won't give up and let more years pass. I really like your blog!

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  10. Yeah, some days so good and strong, other days, pffftttt...... I don't know. Willpower is such a mysterious, elusive thing to me.

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  11. I am the same... one good day increases the likelihood of another; one bad food increases the chances of a binge. Sigh. I need to to less of the latter and more of the former!

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  12. I just came across your blog! I think you are right about having one "clean" day... it makes it easier to continue. Soon the life of binging just becomes a memory (at least I imagine, I'm not quite there)... then you can continue to grow and focus on things that matter - not food.

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  13. You're right, acceptance is a key piece in change. YEA for no binging or overeating! That is no small feat but something to be proud of :)

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  14. Such an awesome post!!! I have been stuck in the drugery of pigging out for far too long lately....

    Acceptance is a hard thing. It makes logical sense to accept, so that you can change. I'm twirling around all sorts of ideas around the ol' noggin at the moment. I'll add yours to the spin :)

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