Doing well begets wellness

Blogging is the greatest invention since sliced 100% whole wheat bread - I'm convinced of it.  After my whiny brain dump yesterday - the most recent in a long series - I felt so much better.  Lighter.  (My waist band was still constricting, but my spirit elevated and expanded nicely.)  The magic that results from venting, talking it out, journaling, summoning my dear diary...cannot be measured.  Writing is a solitary endeavor of crawling around the cobwebs in my cranial attic, breaking them up, sweeping them out, then surveying how things look and feel afterward.

But what blogging adds when one is fortunate enough to have some readers is the gift of other mind.  Other mind than mine, that is.  Left to my own devices, I can convince myself of anything.  I can think the dumbest shit my mind offers up to my consciousness is brilliant.  But Other Minds offer fresh perspective, a different viewpoint, even an occasional calling me on my sh*t, which is a very good and helpful addition to my own skewed vision.

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I'm happy to report I had an excellent food day yesterday.  No bingeing, no overeating, and no desire for either.  I went home shortly after shoveling out writing that post and felt no urges to overeat.  Or even to have a snack.  I wasn't hungry.  I got hungry by dinnertime several hours later.  It probably seems bizarre that I'd bother to note this here, but this is big rare stuff.  Why some days like that?  Why most days as though I haven't had solid food in 8 weeks?  The zany mystery that is food addiction.  I hate it, but I accept I have it and that I can continue to learn to navigate it without falling headlong into a tub of lard (or turning into one).

Acceptance is such a key piece changing.  It's one thing to recognize clearly that I have strong tendencies to compulsively and addictively overeat.  To convince myself I can wish it away, start again tomorrow and that I can beat this thing through sheer drive and will power.  But accepting it as part of the total Leslie puts me in a place where change is possible.  I've said this all a thousand previous times.  What I haven't said is that just because I accept something doesn't mean I have to like it.  I just need to accept it.  Not liking something doesn't mean it can't be true.  Not accepting it means I'm unlikely to find true change and healing.

I'm just thankful that I got another sane food day under my belt.  One good day seems to increase the liklihood of another.  2 days even moreso.  Doing better begets more doing better.  Eating a piece of bread begets a day of carb loading and the resultant self loathing and disgust that is embodied in the remorse of the next morning.  One clean day begets waking up the next morning feeling a little clearer, more hopeful and less worried about how my pants are going to fit that day.

I plan to report tomorrow that there is another "good" day under my belt, and maybe a little less of the aforementioned lard.