An unexpected glimpse of grace

This will be quick.  I hadn't planned on posting today, but I just couldn't walk away from the computer without saying something after I just watched Tracy's Vlog she put up yesterday.  If you haven't seen it, please hit the link and watch all 5 minutes and 26 seconds.  It's really powerful and honest, and helped me tremendously this morning.

Tracy is one of the bloggers I read every time she posts.  She has lost 70+ pounds with Weight Watchers, and is still working at it each day.  She posts wonderful recipes, takes great pictures of her groceries and meals, and always is motivating and inspiring, but never more than on this vlog post.

I think of TJ as endlessly positive and one of the superstar bloggers who has achieved remarkable success with weight loss and fitness.  I know she has some physical constraints due to chronic pain, but even with that, she does her level best to exercise and eat healthfully.  Quite frankly, she is someone I've pegged as "done with fighting food or desires to binge.  But on this video she's looking right at the camera and sharing that she does, and currently IS, struggling with the desire to binge, or hit a local McDonalds....BUT she isn't doing either.  She's sitting through the desires in favor of feeling feelings and sharing honestly.  Watching and listening, I knew she was telling the absolute truth about where she is right now.

So how did it help me?  It's 11:15 Saturday morning.  I went out to breakfast with friends and had a good big breakfast.  But after getting home, I was already having food thoughts - "maybe I'll really begin the Hot 100 challenge Monday", even after being so pumped up about it yesterday.  But as I saw and heard Tracy talk, all I could say to myself was/is, "If Tracy can do this, so can I."  Just for today.  It was clear to me that her desire to eat was every bit as powerful as mine.  But she is not going to eat outside of her points today.  She's going to hang on to the big picture of what she wants for herself - leanness and fitness - in favor of caving to cravings in an emotional moment, or hour, or week. 

She helped shatter my notion that Superstar bloggers who've had success with weight loss never have to work at it anymore.  That "now it's easy for them."  Miz, Sean Anderson, Roni, and so many others...I have assumed it's easy street now that they are walking thin.  Tracy said there will always be times of struggle.  But she's in it to win it, which she already has, and she's not about to start losing her site on the biggest dream she has for her health and wellness because of a rough stretch in other areas of life. 

Food won't make the physical pain go away, or the emotional pain.  Or the crappy job, the pain of divorce, loss of a loved one or a broken shoe lace.  I've been operating unconsciously under the notion that somehow the short term comfort of a food coma will provide long term relief from whatever is eating at me in a given moment.

I can't thank TJ enough for her courage, kindness, and honesty in sharing herself with us.  If she can do it, I believe I can.