Surprise glimpse in the rear view mirror

I had no intention of going so long between posting!  I've been doing pretty well with eating - I've been trying to start investigating and incorporating the Paleo principles with my food, and so far I think it will be a plan that will work well for me.  I'm probably going to break down and buy the book The Paleo Solution by Robb Wolf and Loren Cordain, as it seems to be one of the main texts about the program and all its minutiae (which I love - the science behind it all).

Before I go further, I want to note that my weight was 210.2 on Sunday, which was 0.8 lb loss - pretty minimal, but so much better than a gain.  I suspect that I had lost a little more until Friday night and Saturday, when I had 2 parties to go to and just plain overate a lot of crap.  And sugar, which is crack crap for me.  Saturday night was a 45th birthday party for an AA friend, and besides tons of great "real food" like meatballs, veggies and dip, guacamole (which could have been used by moi as dip for the veggies, but of course I chose the blue corn chips instead), they also had about 5 unbelievable desserts.  Don't ask.  And yes, I know better.  I wanted to taste it all more than I wanted to stay on plan.  I've been back on track to the letter since Monday and my head is finally clearing up from the sugar haze I was for a couple of days. 

When I string a few on-plan days together, it amazes me how much I think of food and realize how food plays a role in so much of what I do.  I've said it before and will likely say it again - it's easy to stay on plan when my mind isn't in a food obsessing state.  Once I stay on plan a few days, it's like every cell in my body is saying, "WTF?  What's going on?", and they collectively start sending my brain messages that a binge would be 'just the thing'.  Yeah - Just the thing to skyrocket my blood sugar, thicken my already slab-thick middle, etc...  I guess I'm mentioning this because now that I have 2 clean days logged, I'm expecting that later today (the witching hour for me is often when I get home from work) the food thoughts will start swarming.

BUT - if I anticipate that and expect it, perhaps I can circumvent it with exercise, doing some stuff in the house that needs to be done, and NOT turning on the stupid TV.  I'm really seeing how I mindlessly turn on the tv and half pay attention in the same way I mindlessly eat.  In AA they talk about "people, places and things" and how certain familiar and repetitive acts can actually trigger our addiction.  I really see it with food and tv, so I'm trying to substantially cut it out. 

TV is tricky for me, because when I was a little kid and my dad was sick and dying for a couple of years and my mom was a mess in ways too numerous to mention, TV became a soothing balm where I could see how "real families" (haha - seemed real to my little self) lived.  Like Leave It To Beaver, where there were 2 healthy and whole parents, more than one lonely kid...I swear it was a panacea for me to sit in front of the boob tube and see that there were families that weren't like what felt like my pathetic little grouping. 

Whoa - where did that come from?  Just bubbled up and I guess I'll leave it there, because it's honest and something I'm increasingly aware plays a role in my dysfunctional eating.  A look back that I wasn't aware was coming!

So - I was going to talk more about my early forays into Paleo, and show a cookbook I checked out of the library that has great Paleo recipes, but I've gone on enough for now.  I'm in this for the long haul, and I'm so grateful to have the blog world and so many inspirational "friends" to continue to inspire and motivate me.  And I'm committing to a post tomorrow, because if I commit, I'll do it.  I need to stay accountable.