Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Meet Bo, my worst nightmare

I just started reading a really good book yesterday that I've read about on several blogs over the months. It's this: and after only a couple of forwards and 15 pages of text, I can tell it's going to be excellent for me as I access my Inner Warrior (thanks Jacksh*t) and go head to head, in direct combat, with my eating disorder.

Rather than try to explain the subject matter, I'll give you this link if you're interested in checking it out. The author has a newer book that came out last August (Goodbye Ed, Hello Me), and given how excellently written this one is so far, I expect I'll get it as well. She's a gal who found a therapist able to help her find recovery from her eating disorder, aka "Ed", by encouraging her to establish her "Ed" as an entity separate from herself, rather than as an integral part of her. This method ultimately helps her be able to identify when her eating disorder is calling the shots and finding her own true voice to counter its demands. I haven't read a whole lot of her story yet, but I think she was bulimic - bingeing and purgeing, for much of her life.

My "Ed" is different, because try as I did for years, I was never much of a purger. I did do the laxative and diuretic thing in my 20s, being a nurse and having access to them, but I could never make myself throw up. Now I am eternally grateful for that lacking in my constitution, but at the time it was further confirmation of what a loser, sack'o'sh*t, bingeing, compulsively exercising, doomed to be fat person I was. Siiiigggghhh. It's so sad when I think of how much of my life has been consumed (no pun intended) by my consumption of consumables. First eating, then eating, purging with pills and exercise and drinking, and then back to eating sans purge. I was actually going to say "finally back to eating...", but that sounded like the end of the story, and it absolutely isn't. My Ed (Bo, for binge overeater) is a total SOB who is on notice. I am gaining new strength, tactics and tools with which to separate from him. Forgive my alphabet soup, and ohmigod is there no end to my food metaphors??!!

I'll give my $.02 review when I'm finished with the book, but already I can feel my mind wrapping itself around the idea that my Bo is not me. And I'm going to be giving him a run for his money.

On a scratchier note, my poison ivy has been served notice that its days are numbered. I was put on not only Prednisone, but an antibiotic because one area was beginning to have a red flare around it, signifying possible early infection. I actually saw a Nurse Practitioner, and she turned out to be the kind about whom the statement "nurses eat their young" was written. She talked down to me, was a little attitudey when I added my own knowledgeable two cents (that's 4 cents I've mentioned in this post) and was just generally a snot. I was polite and managed to not antagonize her with my own attitude, but it wasn't easy! As of this typing, I can already feel substantial improvement, but know that I will become crazier by the day while tapering on the Prednisone. Y'all have been through this with me before. I'll try and keep whining and mania to a minimum.

Other than that - I thought I'd toss up a few pictures, first of my absolutely excellent lunch today: that I'm munching as I type. (I know, please don't tell me about intentional eating...I don't have time right now). It's mixed greens with tuna, feta, few cut up green olives, a little olive oil and lemon juice and lots of red pepper. It's hitting the SPOT.
Then dinner last night was the same egg and zucchini casserole made by Biz that she posted about yesterday: It actually looks kind of dried out because I took the pic this morning after it was in the fridge all night (in anticipation of blogging brain freeze which didn't happen). It was super easy and yummy! And it was beautiful when it came out of the oven.
Then some shameless exploitation of a friend's cute bulldog puppy: who's name is "Beef"! How cute is that?
Finally, a beautiful bunch of allium - a plant that is in the garlic family! These are pretty spectacular:

I have a good workout planned after work, and it will be at the gym since the temp will be in the 90s. Have a good Wednesday.

10 comments:

  1. That food looks delicious :)

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  2. wow. Great pics, great attitude and - A BOOK I MUST GET! I bought "women Food And God" and I do not reccommend it. A bunch of psychobabble dressed up in New Age spirituality that makes it sound a whole lot "newer" than it is. If you like New Age blather, tho, I suppose this book might, at least, not be offensive to you as it is to me.

    And...I guess...because I'm a counselor, I recognize standard psychotherapy theory when I see it no matter how much touchy feeling food schmaltz is applied. Ordinarily, I LIKE a book that uses counseling theory--familiar, shop talk for me that has a track record--it's just that this author makes it sound peculiar and as though she just tuned into the universal energy that she calls God and plucked this insight out. bleh.

    Hmmm. I guess I've just used your blog to vent. haha. sorry.

    Anyway, the book you mention sounds much more up my alley, since I've been thinking about--and meaning to do a post on--the idea of looking at weight loss as a project. (I was known as "project girl" at work. chuckle.) Project in "less about my character and own failure, and more about getting the job done. What works, what doesn't, when it doesn't--how to fix it, when it goes wrong, just regroup & adapt... You know, like you do a project at work. If I skip the self-loathing and just look at it objectively, I think I'd do soooo much better.

    Anyway, I'll check out the book.

    Thanks.

    Deb

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  3. Will you come here and make my lunch salads for me, pretty please?

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  4. I remember your last Prednisone bout...I certainly do. :) I'm telling you AHEAD of time, in case you forget, that it affects the urges, appetite, etc and that NO, you're not crazy. :)

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  5. The books sounds great, The food looks, wonderful the puppy is so cute and the flowers are very pretty. You are doing a excellent job. How do you like all my adj's or verbs whatever. :)

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  6. Looking forward to your review of the book.
    And LOVE the pic of Beef!! How adorable. :-)
    Loretta
    =^..^=

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  7. Hi Leslie. I'm not sure about seeing my ED as a separate entity. To me, I think my disordered eating in all its manifestations is too tied up with my concept of self to ever be something separate.

    I don't know. I'll have to think on it! I'll be very interested to see what you make of it and whether this idea can be a useful tool.

    The food's looking good!

    Bearfriend xx

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  8. ED is my Ugly Hunger Monster. He lives in my digestive system. Hate him.

    I love Beef! Is he a RARE white bulldog?

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  9. I bought her other book. I think I will like it better. Thanks for the tip!

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  10. Beef the puppy is adorable!

    I'm looking forward to hearing what you think about that book.

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