Sunday, January 23, 2011

Out of hiding

I see Vickie asked me today if I was still burrowing under the covers and the answer is a no. Actually I never did take to my bed, though I thought about it=D  It's just not my style to hibernate. 

I've had a really nice quiet weekend, and have taken a few steps back from a couple of people (ala my last post) who were making me feel like a giant breast from whom they were suckling, and that has helped a lot.  Unbelieveable how I can keep going along with certain care-taking behaviors, and then quite suddenly hit a wall - in that I feel like I'm slogging through quicksand - having to screen calls, dodge certain folks - just to stay sane!  I've been in way over my head with a few nutty people, to say the least.

I talked about being burned out and peopled out, and have been reflecting a lot on that over this weekend.  Why is it so hard to set boundaries with some people?? One gal in particular has some substantial mental health issues that she has shared with me, but not with many others.  In fact, I figured it out by some of the things she was saying and encouraged her to see a professional because some of her thoughts weren't entirely based in reality.  She dutifully did see a psychiatrist who put her on some big-ass psychotropic meds, and over several months of playing around with doses, she was getting better.

Except...she was doing so much better that she talked to the doc about weaning off one of the medications, and he reluctantly gave her a tapering of dosing to try.  Well, in the last 2 weeks, she's sounding crazier than a shit house rat again, and if I gently mention that her thinking is starting to sound a little off, she gets prickly.  So I've backed off saying anything, but it's impossible to carry on a dialogue with someone who's immersing herself in a conspiracy against hersef that simply isn't happening.  Scary serious stuff, and rather than upset her I've been tiptoeing around the issue and being vague with her.  Not good for her.  Very bad for me.

So I'm working on it, and have realized that all I have to tell her is that as her AA sponsor, I am qualified to offer suggestions and lend an ear, but that I'm not a mental health professional (though I seem to play one in my life pretty often).   When I hear her sound like she is biochemically out of whack, all I can do is urge her to see her doc rather than try to convince her that her paranoid thoughts aren't real.  This may upset her, but it's the truth and in her best interest.  My not doing that is based in not wanting her to get mad at me or not like me??!!  How did this people pleasing stuff get so embedded in my psyche? 

At least I'm aware of it, which means I can work on it and change it, little by little.  But just having a few days to look at the situation and my responses has helped me feel better and more empowered to take care of myself in the midst of the chaos around me.


My weigh in yesterday showed a loss of 2 more pounds, (total 8.8) which made me happy and further encouraged to keep with the WW Points Plus program.  I think my weight might have been down a little more had I not had dinner out with hubby and friends on Friday night before going to see The King's Speech (2nd time for me).  I chose very carefully at a good restaurant, the Bonefish Grill, having a salad with mango, jerk chicken (being a spicy wimp I got my chicken "unjerked"), avocado, bleu cheese and other veggies, with an awesome citrus vinaigrette.  By itself that would probably not have caused any sodium drama in my cells - but I also split a decadent bacon-wrapped scallop appetizer with the husband, as well as ate some of his homemade potato chips.  They were INCREDIBLE.  Anyway - I'm pleased with the loss and intending to not do a meal out next Friday night!  I'm hoping for another big loss this week, which will put me in spittin' distance of ONEderland.  Stay tuned, and thanks for listening to my psychobabble above.


  1. Leslie, I can't imagine how hard being an AA sponsor must be. Boundaries are a hard thing to do with people for sure...kudos to you for trying to set some!! And CONGRATS on that loss - that is AWESOME!!

  2. Good you are being firm with her. It is easy to be enabling without meaning to.

    My husband and my bloggy friend Sharla definitely both help me watch to see if I have 3 bad days in a row.

    that '3 day' is both a benchmark and a code word.

    We don't argue about it. If it is three days - it is three days - and I need to be seen so I don't back slide.

    Congrats on your loss!

  3. Love hearing the weight loss!

  4. Peopled out (I love the way you put things). My guess is that you are a good listener and that's what gets you feeling this way. I tend to be a sounding post for people too, but as I get older (yes, I love it) I realize that I matter too. Great loss and dinner too. Good for you and isn't it wonderful that you are aware of what's good for you? Enjoyed your post today.

  5. Congrats on the loss! And the dinner choices sound perfect....except for the itsy bitsy ones that slipped into sodium bliss. The good news is, as you said, it'll help you show a bigger loss next week. :)

    Re: the MH issues. Tough. When she goes into the conspiracy schtick, one thing you can say is, "You might want to talk to your doctor about that."

    If she follows with asking why she would talk to her doctor, a truthful response of something like, "Well, you weren't thinking like that until he changed your meds."

    Discussing and challenging the specific delusion will get you nowhere and nodding and saying vague, "Uh=huhs" is a little easier at the moment, but ultimately not be helpful to you or her as she will continue to bring you those delusions.

    If she is angered by your repeated response of cutting off the discussion with a talk to your doc, she will eventually figure out that you are not the one to discuss the delusions with. It won't solve her problem, but it will solve yours.

    Lest that last statement makes you feel guilty in advance, you gave her the solution when you told her to talk to the doc about her thoughts.

    Sigh. Good luck with that. ack.


  6. Good job with the 2lb loss - I can't wait to get to the Kings Speech. Cheers, Rick

  7. Wow, that is a tough fence to ride...lending a shoulder without becoming the shrink. I think you are handling it like a champ, but I do not have any other advice...I'm not sure I could do it-you are so patient. Maybe you should BE a shrink and get paid for it, too! ;-)

    Polar's Mom

  8. Gave you a blog award today:)