Out of hiding

I see Vickie asked me today if I was still burrowing under the covers and the answer is a no. Actually I never did take to my bed, though I thought about it=D  It's just not my style to hibernate. 

I've had a really nice quiet weekend, and have taken a few steps back from a couple of people (ala my last post) who were making me feel like a giant breast from whom they were suckling, and that has helped a lot.  Unbelieveable how I can keep going along with certain care-taking behaviors, and then quite suddenly hit a wall - in that I feel like I'm slogging through quicksand - having to screen calls, dodge certain folks - just to stay sane!  I've been in way over my head with a few nutty people, to say the least.

I talked about being burned out and peopled out, and have been reflecting a lot on that over this weekend.  Why is it so hard to set boundaries with some people?? One gal in particular has some substantial mental health issues that she has shared with me, but not with many others.  In fact, I figured it out by some of the things she was saying and encouraged her to see a professional because some of her thoughts weren't entirely based in reality.  She dutifully did see a psychiatrist who put her on some big-ass psychotropic meds, and over several months of playing around with doses, she was getting better.

Except...she was doing so much better that she talked to the doc about weaning off one of the medications, and he reluctantly gave her a tapering of dosing to try.  Well, in the last 2 weeks, she's sounding crazier than a shit house rat again, and if I gently mention that her thinking is starting to sound a little off, she gets prickly.  So I've backed off saying anything, but it's impossible to carry on a dialogue with someone who's immersing herself in a conspiracy against hersef that simply isn't happening.  Scary serious stuff, and rather than upset her I've been tiptoeing around the issue and being vague with her.  Not good for her.  Very bad for me.

So I'm working on it, and have realized that all I have to tell her is that as her AA sponsor, I am qualified to offer suggestions and lend an ear, but that I'm not a mental health professional (though I seem to play one in my life pretty often).   When I hear her sound like she is biochemically out of whack, all I can do is urge her to see her doc rather than try to convince her that her paranoid thoughts aren't real.  This may upset her, but it's the truth and in her best interest.  My not doing that is based in not wanting her to get mad at me or not like me??!!  How did this people pleasing stuff get so embedded in my psyche? 

At least I'm aware of it, which means I can work on it and change it, little by little.  But just having a few days to look at the situation and my responses has helped me feel better and more empowered to take care of myself in the midst of the chaos around me.

***************************************

My weigh in yesterday showed a loss of 2 more pounds, (total 8.8) which made me happy and further encouraged to keep with the WW Points Plus program.  I think my weight might have been down a little more had I not had dinner out with hubby and friends on Friday night before going to see The King's Speech (2nd time for me).  I chose very carefully at a good restaurant, the Bonefish Grill, having a salad with mango, jerk chicken (being a spicy wimp I got my chicken "unjerked"), avocado, bleu cheese and other veggies, with an awesome citrus vinaigrette.  By itself that would probably not have caused any sodium drama in my cells - but I also split a decadent bacon-wrapped scallop appetizer with the husband, as well as ate some of his homemade potato chips.  They were INCREDIBLE.  Anyway - I'm pleased with the loss and intending to not do a meal out next Friday night!  I'm hoping for another big loss this week, which will put me in spittin' distance of ONEderland.  Stay tuned, and thanks for listening to my psychobabble above.