Thursday, January 13, 2011


I'm posting a lot suddenly - my mind is hopping all over the place which I know is related to 4 days of good eating with no sugar and no bingeing.  No overeating at all.  The emotional material that's usually well stuffed down into my toes is rumbling a bit, and I'd rather blog than contemplate re-instituting my stuffing behavior.

This will be brief.  I'm starting to worry that I'm not losing weight doing WW.  I woke this morning thinking I should "check" by jumping on the scale.  My jeans out of the dryer weren't any looser this morning than they were a week ago.  It's been 4 days.  Not long - but I'm wanting instant gratification and results.  I want - no NEED - to see what's going on with the scale.  I'm not going to weigh, but I need to put it out there that my eating disordered thinking is mobilizing.  I'm not going to let it take me down this time, and this morning I know I need to tell on myself just to defuse the intensity of the disordered thinking. 

A dialogue is beginning in my mind:
"I don't think I'm losing weight."
"Of course I am. I always do when I stop overeating."
"But the jeans *should* be looser."
"It's only been 4 days."
"I have to know.  If this isn't working I need to do something."
"What can you do? Cut your points?"
"I'll have to do."

You get the idea.  Obsessive mind blather that can and will take me out if I let it.  My antidote is to shine a light on the crazy thinking, hoping I can stop the dialogue between good and evil.


  1. I have those thoughts a lot, especially at the start of a new plan or new effort. They are self-destructive, as you know!! My motto (when Im not being nutty!) is "just look the other way and keep doing the right thing". Soon the craziness calms down!

  2. very familiar...could say so many things , but the main thing this early in the game is a little self talk about sticking with the program, trust the process, one day at a time.. probably better to not weigh except weekly

  3. I don't know if I could stay off the scale. But I have been thinking lately about trying, after reading lots of posts about it. I hate to have to say this but, the truth is, you may not see anything on the scale that fast. Focus on how you feel! You feel great:) I really think that, for you and me, as messed up as we are about something beyond just calorie counts, we should celebrate the success of behavior. And you are rocking that right now!

  4. FOUR days of healthy eating in a row! Wahoo!

    I'd want to weigh, too. And if I saw that I hadn't lost or, heaven forbid, had an ounce gain, I'd freak and decide to do something different.

    Despite the fact that I just had FOUR DAYS OF HEALTHY EATING.

    The wise thing, not that I'd do it you understand, would be to let the WW program get a toehold in the way I eat. You know just do theprogram, get used to doing the program, for the whole week.

    Then, if WW weigh in doesn't show the loss you want, go over what you ate, adding up the calories as you go and see what's there. Make adjustments if needed. IF there is a problem, my guess would be that the points are okay, but the problem lies in the "free" stuff.

    But give it the week. If you can weigh, see no change, and still give it the week, then weigh. If not. Don't. (Right here I'd be thinking, but if I weigh I might have a nice surprise on the scale! I want to see; I want to see; I want to see! Knowing full well that if I didn't get that nice surprise it would mess me up.)

    Anyway, grat job Leslie. FOUR days. :D


  5. Hmmm...doesn't sound like mind blathering to me, sounds like impatience, of which I know all too well. Staying off the scale is hard, but seriously, once a week will keep you from going nutty. And if you want more coercion that the scale is not providing, why not take measurements...that way you can have three ways to see if you are losing-if you are eating well then one of them will have to show results! Hang in there, I predict great things for you after a week! I HATE it when people say it because it sounds so YUCK, but losing weight really is trusting the process-WW didn't make billions of dollars by not helping people lose weight-trust your program, follow it, and results are sure to be seen, soon! You go girl!

    Polar's Mom

  6. I recognize everything you wrote - been there, done that, so many times. Stay strong Leslie! You are doing everything right, but it's not going to happen overnight, despite what the Biggest Loser has conditioned us to believe.

  7. What Shelley said. Besides, then what happens if the jeans DO feel looser, you jump on the scale and you're not down or only down 1/2 pound? What then?

    Be strong. Keep doing what you're doing, knowing that you're doing all the right things!

  8. You know that you've been eating on program. You know you feel better. You know you are doing all the right things right now. Let that be enough. You know. Trust in you.

    And keep shining the light on those mis-held beliefs that keep tripping us up in the darkness.

  9. Just keep focusing on the healthy habits Leslie and the weight loss will follow.

    The scale is only one way mark your progress and see how you are doing. How you feel, how your clothes fit, what you are eating, all of those things are much, much more important than what the scale says.

    Too many factors affect what the scale says, how much water you are retaining, if you have had a BM recently, what time of day you weigh and so on.

    Focus on your health and your good habits!

  10. I can SO identify with the obsessive thought patterns leading to irational reasoning... In my case it's something along the lines of "If I cut my calories in half, I'll lose weight TWICE as fast", which we all know is counter-productive and inevitably leads to bingeing and weight GAIN, rather than *patiently* (ahem!) sticking with it and waiting for results that WILL happen... You have my sympathy!

  11. OK, I'm going to go TOTALLY against the grain here, and say: you know what? The scale isn't an enemy at the start of a new dietary (weight-loss) program, it can be your friend. Because, as we all know, not all diet plans work for all people. Perhaps, after 4 days and no loss (if you are sure your scale is new enough to be accurate and trustworthy)...maybe WW isn't the program for you. I'm not saying give it up yet, but if you are honestly being faithful to it after a week and seeing no difference, perhaps it's just not for you. There ought to be some difference after 1 week. So don't feel bad about your thoughts; they are part of the thought person who is mindful of what's going on (or perhaps not going on) with your body. Just a Devil's Advocate position. :)

  12. Dear Leslie:

    This is your body. Please know that it takes time for me to change when you keep changing your mind on how you are going to feed me. If you continue to eat good foods, not binge, I will reward you with the results you desire.

    While I know you want it right now, that isn't going to happen. Take it a day at a time - keep making good choices, and I will reward you!


    Your Body

  13. Please don't cut your points! That will only set yourself up for a binge later! Remember...your body is more interested in surviving then getting thin and if it senses a famine (withholding of energy:a.k.a food), it will turn on the binge control to full blast just to get you to eat ANYTHING!! AND lots of it (ever feel the feeling of "eating out of control"?)..that's because you are. It's your body trying to "make up" for the lack of food.

    You're doing good Leslie...don't panic. It will work, no, it IS working.

    I really like what the first blogger said "Look the other way and keep doing the right thing." Very Good advice-I think I'll grab it for myself!

  14. I just had that conversation with myself today, actually. After my excursion in Chicago I've decided to be very attentive to my calorie intake and feel like I should weigh 10 pounds less already, even though it's only been 3 days. I'm so impatient.

  15. I feel for you because I've been there so many times. I totally expect results immediately, because by eating normally, I have WORKED SO HARD. In my moments of doubt about WW, I ask myself...if not WW, just what am I going to do instead? And does THAT way of eating stand a chance of showing results in the right direction? Not a chance. I'll get quick results all right, but they'll be in the wrong direction. I've learned that no matter how much I weight, I can always weigh more. Sad but true.