An inside job

I am very excited to be participating in Tammy's challenge.  But before I talk about that, I have to say that I've been having some trouble with blogger that is driving me crazy.  Yesterday I tried to comment on Tammy's blog post announcing her challenge, and Blogger kept telling me I couldn't do it, for some reason.  Today I was able to comment on the Saturday post, but being a total techno-imbecile, this annoying development has me fuming!  AARRGGHH!  Then I tried to put up Tammy's badge for the challenge, and Blogger wouldn't let me post after uploading it onto the template.  Also, when I'm typing, if I get to the end of the line, when I hit enter the cursor doesn't move to the next row.  It moves if I type a whole sentence that spills in to the next row, but if I go to do a new paragraph, the enter key doesn't work.  This is with my desk top as well as lap top, so it must be something in the updated editor.  Any ideas, anyone?  I may have to go back to the dark ages of the old editor.  I've never had these issues before, and let me tell you I'm not in the mood for it.  So there.  Take that, Blogger!  We'll see if I can get out an entire post now without further drama. 

Okay - so far, so good.  So I'm really happy about having this challenge, because like Tammy, I've been floundering mightily for months in the weight loss realm.  An I'm starting to creep up the scale a teeny at a time which is totally unacceptable.  So I accept this challenge for the month of April.  The main requirement is a commitment to try to lose 10 pounds.  Yes - I commit to this.  I've been fiddle-farting around for months, first with maintaining in the mid 190s, and now back into low 200s.  Today, and my starting weight for the challenge is 206.  Up several pounds from a few days ago because of massive restaurant eating. 

My "method" is going to be fairly radical...eat less, move more.  I've heard it through the grapevine that this can be a very effective way to drop some pounds.  Who'd'a thunk it?  Actually, I'm going to resume a food plan that is relatively low carb and high protein.  Only 100% whole grains, no white potatoes or white rice.  As little refined sugar as possible.  And definitely a gradually increasing exercise program.  I'm hoping to start back in the pool this week.  I want to get back into my routine of going to the gym everyday after work.  I get off at 2:30 which is great as it gets me to the gym before the real "after work" crush of people.  It's a pretty quiet time at the gym, and the pool, although swim team season will be upon us now, so I hope to get in and get out before I get caught up with them.

I've contemplated counting calories, but know for myself that I can get bogged down in details and numbers, and if I can't find the exact count of something I'll obsess about it.  The food plan I was using from June - November worked great and was affording me a steady loss of  1 1/2 - 2 pounds/week, which was great.  I have no reason to think it won't work again - IF I WORK IT.

One thing I've discovered is that after a fairly long period of being very lax with what I eat, it's quite hard to tighten back up.  This is no major revelation, but noteworthy to me because by late afternoon everyday, I find my mind really into the food thoughts.  A lot.  Mental obsession, if you want the truth.  After a couple of days, it gets much easier.  I've just been so on again off again for so long that sustained effort is going to take some determination and also some old fashioned gutting it out.  Just say no to the _____________ (fill in the blank).  I can do it.  I will do it.  I'm going to hit May 1 at no more than 196.  It is a realistic goal for me, esp. since the last few pounds up are mostly water weight (I hope). 

BTW, in order to begin this paragraph and every other, I have to move the mouse over and click.  That isn't right but I have no idea how to remedy this.  Sorry to be bouncing between weight loss and computer destruction (which is going to happen if I can't get this new editor thing operating right).  I wasn't having this problem 2 days ago, so why it's happening now is beyond me. 

I was reading Tammy's Saturday (Day 1) post about her challenge with her food pictures posted, and saw that she allowed herself a miniature Hershey bite.  I think that's awesome, and I wish TO DEATH I could do it.  But I can't.  One bite is not enough.  It will only make me want more, and I will have more.  I didn't get to be 56 and pudgy not learning something!  But there are wonderful tasty treats I can handle that I can substitute.  I discovered a few weeks back how good simple low fat graham crackers are with Laughing Cow lite swiss spread on them.  And for some reason, that doesn't make me want the whole cow, including the parts that aren't laughing.  It's funny how certain things affect each of us differently.  I also know that once I get back into the low 190s, I'm more able to add in a more decadent treat - like a piece of chocolate, as long as there isn't more in the cupboard waiting.  But for right now, even one bite could lead me to get up at 10 at night, throw sweats on over my jammies, and run to the convenience store.  So self knowledge can avail me something here. 

My funk from a couple of days ago seems to be lifting.  I'm aware that I can tend to put conditions on a good mood;  for example if my knee allows me to exercise the way I want - I'm happy, light and breezey.  If it's achy and stiff and limits me, I get crabby and negative.  This leads me to want to share something I read in a little book called "The Pocket Dalai Lama" that I got at Emory University a few years ago when the Dalai Lama was there speaking at a forum on the role of religions in world peace.  My daughter, who worked at Emory at the time, secured me a ticket, and it was an amazing experience to witness the discussion.

This is a direct quote from the book -  the words of His Holiness:  "As long as there is a lack of the inner discipline that brings calmness of mind, no matter what external facilities or conditions you have, they will never give you the feeling of joy and happiness that you are seeking.  On the other hand, if you possess this inner quality of calmness of mind, a degree of stability within, then even if you lack various external facilities that you would normally consider necessary for happiness, it is still possible to live a happy and joyful life."  In other words, happiness is an inside job.  And so I again will take an inventory of all for which I am eternally grateful, and that nagging knee will become much less a nuisance.