Thursday, April 1, 2010


This has been another day where I don't have too much brilliant brewing in la cabesa.  We had an amazing day in the 70's and I got a good walk in with a friend.  Turns out the the walk I've been doing that I thought was about 3/4 mile is actually 1.6 miles.  I decided to clock the distance in the car today and was pretty psyched to see that I've been going further than I thought.  Makes me feel a little more optimistic about my future on foot!  It's also interesting to note that I often feel kind of gimpy and achy when I start out walking but after a few minutes the knees both move more smoothly.  Classic arthritis symptoms.  Ahh, to be a woman of a certain age.  But there is steady improvement.

I realize I'm in a bit of a funk.  That's what's brewing, when I let myself feel it and don't eat it down.  I'm definitely not sad or depressed, but just in a blah place where it's hard to muster enthusiasm about much of anything.  I get this way every once in a while, and I know it's secondary to prolonged down time, decreased exercise and maybe season change.  Not to mention the fact that we don't get "happy happy joy joy" days every single day. I feel antsy and itchy and unsettled, but not sure what is at the core of the feeling.  The fact that my eating has been cleaner (though not entirely clean) is probably enabling some of this inner unrest to surface.  Even though I went back to work, it was only one day.  That was good, but I'm still totally wafting in unstructured days and am getting tired of it.  It's funny, because after I'm back at work for several weeks, I'll be craving unstructured time!  The grass is always greener wherever I'm not.

I feel myself spinning into the future and worrying that because I've had all this time off, I won't be able to take time of this summer for a vacation (not that we have anything planned!).  Realistically that isn't true, because Family Medical Leave time is totally unrelated to vacation time, except that during all my time off, I had to use all my accrued vacation, sick and personal time.  That kept me getting full paychecks, until this week.  I wasn't sure where I stood with time and suspected I was close to having used up most of what I'd stored.  Sure enough - today I checked my bank balance and saw that our paychecks were deposited today (instead of tomorrow, which would have been the usual Friday pay day) and my check was for $64.00!  That's sixty four dollars!  For a 2 week pay period.  Yikes - yeah - my time is obviously used up, so it's going to take a bit for me to reaccrue paid days off.  I think that's another reason for my angst today.  Financial concerns...mine are minimal compared to so many folks, but I'm still a little freaked to get such a tiny check.  Tom will be able to subsidize me for the next 2 weeks, but his business is limping along and he isn't exactly rolling in thousand dollar bills.

Wah wah wah!  I think I'm whining a little too much here, and definitely more than is warranted.  So much so that I'm not even sure I should publish this post.  Yesterday I noted I'm post-menopausal and therefore don't complain about TOM, but today I sound like I have PMS; and truth be told, I feel like it too!  One of the best things I ever heard in AA that I say all the time, "This too shall pass."  And it will.  In the meantime, I'm going to try something radical like counting my blessings to help get a perspective shift.  It won't take long to realize I've got it pretty darn good in virtually every area of life.

I'm fixing a wonderful healthy dinner - baked salmon, sweet potatoes and sauteed swiss chard with onions and garlic.  If that doesn't put me in a better mood, nothing will.  Food hath charm to soothe the savage Leslie - at least for a little bit!


  1. Whine all you want Les... It's necessary sometimes. Enjoy your snazzy dinner...sound delicious...

  2. Well, give it time...Glad you can walk. Isn't it awesome when you find out you have been going further than you thought.
    I have only done it
    I usually count EVERYTHING.
    Have a good night.

  3. Yeah, my grass is always brown too, lol. Hey!! I've got just the thing to pull you out of your funk girlfriend...I'm hosting a challenge for my fat ass tmrw morning when I post about my LAST crappy weigh-in. Time for a kick in the pants and I'd be so happy if you'd do it with me....pop over tmrw morning and check it out! Big squishy hugs to you! :)

  4. P.S. And when are you going to come over and pick up your Easter basket???? :)

  5. Re: pay. Sometime leave pay is slow in coming depending upon how it is categorized. Sick days, vacation time come right away, but if it's short-term disability, for instance, that is often delayed. Unless you don't have ST-dis, I'd check. Of course, you may have already scouted that out and know those details. I didn't know until after the fact. :}

    However it goes, you'll be returning to work fulltime next week, so the $$$ will be rolling in. :) Enjoy your time off.

    And thank you for the kind comments on my post--I'm glad I gave you a smile.


  6. I know what that feeling like you are in a funk is like. It sounds like you have a good handle on it.

    My mom always says, "This too shall pass."

  7. I'm with you, feeling kind of blah.... Hope I can sleep it off tonight, IF I sleep. My body often stays up for hours craving estrogen....

  8. Always post. No matter what you write. You inspire me. You are a blessing to us all in blog world. And your dinner sounds wonderful. Happy Easter.

  9. Did you notice how EVEN you sound - even though you are not skipping through the daisies? Really taking the highs and lows out and staying in the mellow middle. I think that is REALLY powerful for the fact that you have been out of your routine for quite a while now.

  10. I grew up in Southern California, and we went to the beach alot in the summer. I loved sitting on the beach, and watching the waves roll in and out. And also the tides... high tide, low tide.

    I think of our emotions like that... high tide, low tide. In, out, in gentle movements. You are so right... we do not have "happy happy joy joy" every day. There are variations.

    I think what we dwell on, though, can make it better or worse. I'm glad to read that you chose to shift your emphasis, and think of your blessings. You are exactly right... once we start doing that, we get reminded of all we have to be thankful for.

    I admire your honesty and transparency, and the fact that you do NOT wallow in prolonged whining and self-pity. You handle it in a healthy way, I think.

    This too shall pass... I need to tattoo that across my forehead!

  11. Hey girl!! Pop over to my blog and check out the challenge!! :)

  12. You didn't whine at all, at least, I don't consider that whining. I think that's just telling us the truth about what's happening in your life and what you are concerned about and that's important. You do walk around with these things that nag you and won't leave you alone. It's good if you share them. It lightens the load, so go ahead and share them all you want.