Tuesday, June 1, 2010

2 challenges and some vows

New month, new season, new challenges, new attitude...I'm trying to psych myself up here, as well as simply recognize that new beginnings of any kind feel good, fresh, hopeful and full of promise.  Summer is always a time where I do well with getting in a good physical groove with food and exercise.  This particular beginning of June feels great, because of the genuine continuous progress I'm having with my knees.  When I realize that only 5 weeks ago I was seriously praying for serenity to accept that my knees might not ever return to a level of function that would allow me to walk a 5 mile loop at a local state park, and now I've walked that path and done well with it, I see that perseverance,  persistence and patience are all required as well.  NEVER SAY DIE and NEVER GIVE UP!

2 challenges - the first is Stacia's pool challenge which is committing to get into the water 3 times before June 21st, the official start of summer.  The badge has been mugging at me every time I open my blog over at the top of my sidebar.  Today I am getting in the pool at the gym.  Day 1.  Fat ass, cottage cheese thighs, mushy belly, body dysmorphic disorder and all. 
     And here is your challenge - if I don't do it (I won't lie about it...if I chicken out I'll tell 'ya), you are
     called to give me all kinds of sh*t about it.  Seriously.  I'm doing it. 

The second challenge is Biz's at Biggest Diabetic Loser.   Her challenge is the 101 Days of Summer challenge where participants pick the goal/s of their choice to work on AND ACHIEVE hopefully by Labor Day.  I'm excited about both these challenges, but this one is good because no bathing suits are involved unless I choose for them to be, which I hopefully will.  Anyoo, my goals for Biz's challenge are:
1.  Exercise 30 minutes minimum 5 days a week.  This actually could involve the aformentioned swimwear, but not necessarily.  Whatever, it will involve me moving and shaking and calorie burning a good bit.  I'm pretty active anyway, so this won't be difficult. 
2.  Lose 10 pounds by Labor Day - over the 101 days of summer.  Obviously losing more would be great, and entirely doable, but I'm sick of ending weight loss challenges and falling short, or rather long, of my goal.  So 10 it is.

This brings weight back into the picture, and while I weighed this morning, I am hesitant to post it because  the number was oh-shit-tastic in an ohshit way,  due in large part to my continued Prednisone treatment, which is tapering and will be done on Saturday.  I feel puffy.  I also ate emotionally this weekend and packed in some rather low quality carb items and the weight of today is simply inflated.  Inaccurate, and if I use it as my beginning number from which to lose the 10 pounds, it will be meaningless.  So (and I will consult Biz about this to make sure she's okay with it) my first weight of the challenge will be Friday June 4th.  I will include it in my update to her, as well as post it on my blog.  That is vow #1.

Vow #2 is that I'm going to post pictures.  I posted pictures back in the winter or late fall (I'll have to search) which I'll republish, and then get a new front and side view.  It'll be sometime this week when hubby or son and I are in the same space long enough for one of them to do the deed with the camera.  Picture me wringing my hands, gnashing my teeth, and sucking in as much girth as I'm humanly capable.  This will be by Friday.  Hmmm, weight and pictures for Friday...sounds like a CHALLENGING day.

Finally, I've been really struck over the last week at how many people are stumbling and struggling a bit right now, either with lack of motivation, legitimate weight gain, or simply return of some bad old habits that are threatening the results of much hard work and progress.  A surprising number of people - even folks who've been incredibly successful with very little stumbling ever are reporting this.  I'm sorry that others are struggling, but also it helps me know I'm not alone.  This is a very hard thing to do...lose weight, establish a routine of consistent regular exercise, live our lives apart from this huge journey, meet the demands of work, friends, family and other responsibilities.  Being part of this blogging community continues to give me the perspective that I'm not alone in any of this.  It may seem easy for some folks...they go along for months with no gains at all, and then it gets tricky.  As sorry I am for other peoples' difficulties, it normalizes my own and helps me not get too discouraged.  This is life.  Messy, imperfect and anything but linear.  Getting down on myself is not helpful.  Recognizing the need to give myself a solid kick in the a$$ is helpful, and clearly necessary at times.

Very last thing...I'm tired of hating myself over this one issue.  I've done tons of work on myself over the course of my life, esp. since getting sober.  Therapy, AA, journaling, blogging, exercising, trying to get at what's eating me so I can stop eating all not nailed down.  I've gotten better - good even.  I like myself most days and truly love myself.  But the eating/food/body issues still can send me sprialing back into self hate.  I'm sick and tired of it.  If nothing else, I'm going to try to recall that just because I have an addictive personality does not render me a no-goodnik.

Okay, off the soapbox for another day.  A new day and a new beginning, which we can decide to sieze at any moment.


  1. It's a new month and the best we can say is that we will try our very best to do our very best ! The pool challenge sounds so tempting- I love swimming but our pool is not going to be open this year due to some impossible repairs. I an hoping to be able to get to the lake a couple of times this summer !

  2. Great challenges and great goals! I'm doing Biz's also, it's great to be accountable to someone even if you don't know them. I think it's actually easier that way. We all need a kick in the a$$! Let me know if I can help! Thanks!

  3. Hey, I know I didn't go into detail but I had a pretty Fat-Tastic weekend myself! NO HATING ALLOWED. You are wonderful and remarkable and you never quit. Those are very good traits.

  4. I think that most of the whole self-hating stuff is nasty habit that we've picked up and refined over time. And because it's a habit, we can break it. I am working on rewiring and reprogramming myself. When I start to play that "tape", I force myself to think of good things about me just to stop the spiral. It certainly has helped.

    Good luck with your vows and challenges. I, too, love the feeling a fresh slate.

  5. You are always more than a no-goodnik

  6. Anonymous01 June, 2010

    HA! You are seriously NOT alone! I have struggled all week. It has been hard.

    And I lost LESS than 4 pounds in a MONTH. But my weight loss has been soooo slow--that I'm actually HAPPY to ahve lost at all! No, dear Weight Loss Warrior, you are definitely NOT alone.

    Weight loss is a tough road--we're bound to be building all kinds of character muscles. I'm sticking with that. chuckle.


  7. Dude, what is UP with our struggling thing? Some days/weeks we're GREAT and some we just plain ol' SUCK, lol. Yes, it is a new month, we've both got a couple of challenges going on, and it's time for a new attitude as well. I whole-heartedly agree! I'll be doing a post about my 2nd challenge tonight. :)

  8. I just have to say that I love when Tammy calls me "Dude". =D

  9. Progress not perfection, my Friend. It's always going to be a strugle, at least for me. Food is the MOTHER of all addictions.

    Thanks for your comments the past couple of days. They are much appreciated.

  10. I'm right there with you in the warm weather doldrums, for some reason. Good day, bad day. Mostly good day, bad choice at the end. BLAH!!

    We burn no calories by hating ourselves, so why do it? We not no-goodniks! Let's remember that.

  11. All the good comments have already been said, so I'll just add that I'm looking forward to your "sucked-in" progress photos! :)

  12. It's called being in the suck. And right now that's half of blogland...I think it's spring summer and the feeling that at this point we should all be a firckin size 0 and rocking bikinis or some crap.
    It will get better. Keep on keeping on leslie.

  13. Leslie, you really hit on a key point I have found with the blogging community - we aren't alone. Each and every one of us are struggling with this, and we all have good days and bad days. It helps to see others going through the bad times and then succeeding anyhow.

  14. You have lots of good plans and challenges ahead to keep you focused. Good for you for deciding to get in the pool.

    I tried on my bathing suit and even though it is a little snug I plan on wearing it as soon as the pool temp is warm enough! This is the year to get back in the water.

    I am so glad your knees are doing better. My mom had a knee replacement done in February and it has given her back her mobility and she is so happy.

    The great thing about the blog sphere is that we know that many people share our story. Weight is managed not cured.

  15. You said - "live our lives apart from this huge journey"

    When I see those posts - getting back to my real life, putting all this aside so I can get on to other things, moving on - it is always the beginning of weight gain.

    I don't think of my life as being separate - I think of it all being inner connected. And I don't think of food as being the BE ALL END ALL. I think of food as being the symptom that is most easily SEEN.

  16. I think you should use your last weight (before the meds) - and forget that it adds weeks to your challenge - use the weight before meds impacted you.

  17. That is why I love the blogging community because other people are going through the same as you!!! Keep up the great work! You can do it :)

  18. I noticed the same thing out there... lots of stumbling lately. And I had the same thought about being in good company:) We just need to keep moving forward and making progress, even if there is a backstep or sidestep now and again.