2 challenges and some vows

New month, new season, new challenges, new attitude...I'm trying to psych myself up here, as well as simply recognize that new beginnings of any kind feel good, fresh, hopeful and full of promise.  Summer is always a time where I do well with getting in a good physical groove with food and exercise.  This particular beginning of June feels great, because of the genuine continuous progress I'm having with my knees.  When I realize that only 5 weeks ago I was seriously praying for serenity to accept that my knees might not ever return to a level of function that would allow me to walk a 5 mile loop at a local state park, and now I've walked that path and done well with it, I see that perseverance,  persistence and patience are all required as well.  NEVER SAY DIE and NEVER GIVE UP!

2 challenges - the first is Stacia's pool challenge which is committing to get into the water 3 times before June 21st, the official start of summer.  The badge has been mugging at me every time I open my blog over at the top of my sidebar.  Today I am getting in the pool at the gym.  Day 1.  Fat ass, cottage cheese thighs, mushy belly, body dysmorphic disorder and all. 
     And here is your challenge - if I don't do it (I won't lie about it...if I chicken out I'll tell 'ya), you are
     called to give me all kinds of sh*t about it.  Seriously.  I'm doing it. 

The second challenge is Biz's at Biggest Diabetic Loser.   Her challenge is the 101 Days of Summer challenge where participants pick the goal/s of their choice to work on AND ACHIEVE hopefully by Labor Day.  I'm excited about both these challenges, but this one is good because no bathing suits are involved unless I choose for them to be, which I hopefully will.  Anyoo, my goals for Biz's challenge are:
1.  Exercise 30 minutes minimum 5 days a week.  This actually could involve the aformentioned swimwear, but not necessarily.  Whatever, it will involve me moving and shaking and calorie burning a good bit.  I'm pretty active anyway, so this won't be difficult. 
2.  Lose 10 pounds by Labor Day - over the 101 days of summer.  Obviously losing more would be great, and entirely doable, but I'm sick of ending weight loss challenges and falling short, or rather long, of my goal.  So 10 it is.

This brings weight back into the picture, and while I weighed this morning, I am hesitant to post it because  the number was oh-shit-tastic in an ohshit way,  due in large part to my continued Prednisone treatment, which is tapering and will be done on Saturday.  I feel puffy.  I also ate emotionally this weekend and packed in some rather low quality carb items and the weight of today is simply inflated.  Inaccurate, and if I use it as my beginning number from which to lose the 10 pounds, it will be meaningless.  So (and I will consult Biz about this to make sure she's okay with it) my first weight of the challenge will be Friday June 4th.  I will include it in my update to her, as well as post it on my blog.  That is vow #1.

Vow #2 is that I'm going to post pictures.  I posted pictures back in the winter or late fall (I'll have to search) which I'll republish, and then get a new front and side view.  It'll be sometime this week when hubby or son and I are in the same space long enough for one of them to do the deed with the camera.  Picture me wringing my hands, gnashing my teeth, and sucking in as much girth as I'm humanly capable.  This will be by Friday.  Hmmm, weight and pictures for Friday...sounds like a CHALLENGING day.

Finally, I've been really struck over the last week at how many people are stumbling and struggling a bit right now, either with lack of motivation, legitimate weight gain, or simply return of some bad old habits that are threatening the results of much hard work and progress.  A surprising number of people - even folks who've been incredibly successful with very little stumbling ever are reporting this.  I'm sorry that others are struggling, but also it helps me know I'm not alone.  This is a very hard thing to do...lose weight, establish a routine of consistent regular exercise, live our lives apart from this huge journey, meet the demands of work, friends, family and other responsibilities.  Being part of this blogging community continues to give me the perspective that I'm not alone in any of this.  It may seem easy for some folks...they go along for months with no gains at all, and then it gets tricky.  As sorry I am for other peoples' difficulties, it normalizes my own and helps me not get too discouraged.  This is life.  Messy, imperfect and anything but linear.  Getting down on myself is not helpful.  Recognizing the need to give myself a solid kick in the a$$ is helpful, and clearly necessary at times.

Very last thing...I'm tired of hating myself over this one issue.  I've done tons of work on myself over the course of my life, esp. since getting sober.  Therapy, AA, journaling, blogging, exercising, trying to get at what's eating me so I can stop eating all not nailed down.  I've gotten better - good even.  I like myself most days and truly love myself.  But the eating/food/body issues still can send me sprialing back into self hate.  I'm sick and tired of it.  If nothing else, I'm going to try to recall that just because I have an addictive personality does not render me a no-goodnik.

Okay, off the soapbox for another day.  A new day and a new beginning, which we can decide to sieze at any moment.