Thursday, June 3, 2010

The day before Friday!!

What a difference a day makes...a clean day, that is.  As vowed, promised, sworn on a stack of old WW trackers and intended yesterday, I ate exactly what I said I was going to eat and not one morsel more.  3 meals, and a yogurt after dinner.  YES!  Got an hour walk in the 90+ degree heat as well.  And now I'm going out on yet another limb...I am vowing to have another clean day today as far as what I eat.  3 meals, a yogurt after dinner.  I may add a 100 calorie pack of beef jerkey (18 gms of protein) late afternoon, but absolutely nothing else.   Also some form of exercise will be done though I'm not sure at this juncture what it will be, but probably swimming.  This vowing/promising stuff seems to be working for each day, so I'm hanging on tightly to the strategy.  And truth be told, for now I can only do it one day at a time. 

Yesterday was not a struggle; I think because every cell in my body was crying UNCLE for a reprieve from overeating so often.  After awhile it just accomplishes nothing but making me feel like sh*t about all things Leslie.  It's really amazing how much abuse we can heap on ourselves sometimes and still stay in the fight!  You hear that alot at AA meetings - we can really take a licking and keep on ticking, with apologies and credit to Timex.  I'm ready to surrender this eating because it's compounding every negative thought and feeling exponentially rather than numbing them.  It.  Aint.  Working.  It's eating me alive.

Here's a little truth I'd rather not admit but it's far easier to admit it today than it would have been yesterday...I haven't strung more than ONE clean day together in a while.  Don't know how long a while, but at least a month.  I get one good day, then slack a bit the next, then more...lather, rinse, repeat... ad nauseum.  So my vow to have a sane day today with food can lead me farther along than I've been for awhile.  It's amazing how I can effectively play scale roulette with this kind of eating behavior for quite a long time...sort of keep a lid on any substantial gain for the most part.  But no real progress with continuing to lose my excess weight.  I guess I see that some day I will be able to maintain, but I'm not near where I want to be maintaining, that's for sure!

Tomorrow on my post, as promised, will be 1) my weight from which I'm starting my part of Biz's challenge where I'm striving to lose 10 pounds, 2) at least one picture of the body in all its glory, and 3) the update on today's plan for a clean day.  If any of those three items are not included, please feel free to once again give me endless sh*t about it.  It seems the accountability I need must be doled out in daily increments that include threats and bribes.  (Just like my parenting used to be - hahaha not really)  The thought of doing pics later today is barf-able!  But I'm doing it.  I'm sick of being where I've been for so long.  

I realized yesterday that June 12 will be the one year anniversary of my blog.  Maybe I'll do something to celebrate.  Like a one line post to give you all a freakin' break from my blathering.  But I love blathering, and I love writing and reading blogs.  Everyday I get something from being here - both in striving to be honest about myself, and being on the receiving end of the same from all of you.  This is a great thing we have!  Who says technology is taking away the "personal relationship" piece of life?  And btw - thanks all of you who said I didn't sound crazy yesterday.  I truly felt better after getting all that stuff out and copping to some of my unique brand of neuroses!

17 comments:

  1. I've started tracking my food again and it sort of looks like this: 1200 cals, 2000 cals, 1350 cals, 1900 cals. Hmmmm, I can't string together a couple really good days either. Need to figure out how to adjust that.

    Promise and vow away - I love helping you be accountable!

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  2. Glad to hear that you had a good day!!!

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  3. You sound good, Leslie. Those of us who use food know that it is always ODAAT.

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  4. Yes, the accountability is nice. It helps a LOT. I've strung a bunch of good days together and I've seen really good results. I'm also being super strict because vacation is next week! Ahhhh!

    So glad to hear your having good days. Just remember when you want that extra snack or that extra helping that we're all here watching you! Keep it up!!

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  5. Planning can be a really helpful tool ! It helps to avoid those brain dead moments where you stand at the fridge looking for divine intervention( "will something healthy fall out and tell me what to eat please ??") or be the lifeline that keeps you hanging on ( " I can pass up the urge to snack right now because I KNOW I am going to have -- at-- oclock"). I do great with food intake in this department but get really larval about exercise possibilities, so my new goal is to plan exercises that I CAN do no matter what the day looks like and no matter what my pain level is. The exercise one will be the only one I will allow myself to go over on. One day at a time, one movement at a time, one meal at a time !

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  6. I was so happy to read this post today Leslie - maybe taking it just one day at a time is your thing - that way its manageable, not worrying about yesterday or tomorrow!

    I have complete faith this will be day 2 of clean eating - I am rooting for you 110%!!

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  7. Thanks for linking up.

    The blog hop code never "works" or shows up in preview: it only shows up when you hit "publish" if that helps?

    Diminishing Lucy: Fat to Fit - Link Up!

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  8. Blather away Les!! I always get something magnificient out of your blathering :)

    Isn't there some saying that people don't decide to recover until the pain of the problem is outweighs the pain of the recovery. I probably just botched that horribly..but you get the drift. I'm with ya. This ain't working anymore. Eat well, eat a little extra, eat a lot extra, binge like your going away on a deserted island, binge into a coma, sit in self loathing...and repeat. AAAAHHH!!! No more for me or you. This monster can be beat :)

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  9. Leslie, this is YOUR place. You're going to do it, but this is about more than just losing weight. You're working through a lot of emotions and habits and instincts. You're doing well.

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  10. What? One line? No blathering?? I'll have you know that you are 1 of maybe 5 people that I check on every day w/o fail, no matter what else is going on in my life. Considering my blogroll, that's a pretty elite group....you better give me some blathering woman!! :)

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  11. Congrats on your 1 yr. coming up. And congrats on a good eating day. I have been eating all day. I did ride my stationary bike 2 miles but need to go 6 more to make up for all the eating. Go visit my blog and read the next to the last post. OMG!!!!! You are the best.

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  12. Hey, Leslie! Jenni Schaefer's ED books came in today. I'm plowing thru a book on diabetes right now (I forget that I can no longer read a book in two days, so I've gotten quite a stack of "to be read" next to my chair.) As soon as I'm thru reading about DM, I'm on to visit ED. :D Should I read her first one first, you think? Deb

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  13. "I get one good day, then slack a bit the next, then more...lather, rinse, repeat... ad nauseum." Love that line, in spite of the fact it has "me, too" written all over it!

    You are right; we can only do it one day at a time. Not to go all Valerie Bertanelli on you.

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  14. one day at a time is pretty good method for a lot of reasons. I can see that it would be less stressful than looking too far afield.

    loved this posting - very grounded.

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  15. Here is to 2 days clean. Blather away, congrats on your one year blogiversary.

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  16. Great job on the good day. I really know what you mean about the endless cycle of good day, bad day. It is time for a lot of good days for both of us!

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  17. You're definitely not alone with finding it difficult to eat well on two consecutive days. It's only VERY recently I'm managed to string more than a couple of 'good' days together, but I'm getting back into the habit again. :o)

    Hopefully WW and tracking will help us both!

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