Friday, July 30, 2010

Food and Money and Bad Behavior

Before I forget - I loved reading everyone's thoughts on comment moderation.  Another thing I wonder about is that so many of you talked about getting a lot of spam without the CM.  I don't think I get any.  But then I have to wonder if I'd know spam if it hit me in the eye.  Oh, I'd know Spam, but maybe not spam?  I suspect if I got any I'd know it.  It makes me laugh and reminds me of how obsessed I was with followers for awhile until I finally moved the gadget way down out of my daily field of vision in the sidebar.  Now when I happen to see it, I often have a couple new folks!  Today it occurred to me that even the spammers don't bother with my blog!  Just kidding...I have plenty of followers and am grateful for each one.  But writing this blog helps me whether another soul sees it or not!

I'm looking forward to a new challenge that Tammy is going to start (no idea what it will entail), as I'm feeling ready and able to again make some goals (not all food and weight oriented either) and follow the guidelines of a challenge.  I dropped out of Deb's Freedom Challenge because my brain was too muddy to do the updates.  I haven't dropped out of Biz's 100 Days of Summer Challenge but haven't updated to her in awhile.  Maybe tomorrow I will.  BUT - I certainly have been keeping in mind my basic goals of minimum 30 minutes exercise 5 days a week plus eating less, with the intention of losing 10 pounds by Labor Day.  I really need to get back crackin' on those major components.

My weight was 210 today - same as last time I posted it I think almost 2 weeks ago.  In that time, I've been as low as 206 and as high as 211.7.  Just not acceptable.  I'm really tired and embarrassed by my ongoing struggle, but I can't let embarrassment keep me from being honest.  The emotional component to my eating far outweighs the hunger piece.  My understanding is that any eating that isn't for hunger is emotional.  Karen at Waisting Time had a great post last week about the debate over emotional eating and what it really is, and  she linked to a post on another blog about it that was excellent.  This is where Karen's actual post  and the other link can be found. The comments and discussion were excellent and enlightening. 

I'd talked awhile back about trying OA again and sort of made a commitment to check out one OA meeting per week for awhile.  I haven't done that yet and have HUGE resistance to it.  The most convenient meeting near me is on Saturday mornings during the time when I have a long set ritual of an AA meeting and then breakfast with friends.  I don't want to give that up.  It's one of the highlights of my week.  I can find another mtg, , but if it isn't close by and early in the evening (no later than 7), I'm not sure I'm willing.  And now I seen that a lot of meetings are denoted as "A/B", meaning for anorexics and bulimics.  This limits the availability of plain old compulsive overeating times.  Is it arrogant to say that there is really nothing I haven't heard and don't already know about all this eating disordered stuff and addiction?  If it is, I am.  Oh well.  Never giving up.  Not "starting over" because I haven't "stopped".  Don't want to be a poster child for "Don't let this happen to you!"  I'm a peace-seeker.  Peace With Food, that is.  (I seek world peace too, believe me - but peace begins with me!)

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This morning I did something I haven't done in a long time....I made coffee at home.  I've gotten in the very ridiculous and expensive habit of buying coffee at a local convenience store, WaWa, (which is all over PA and now Jersey and Maryland too, I think) every single day.  I get 20 oz. cup, and their coffee is GREAT.  Personally I like it better the Starbucks, and it's cheaper.  My cup is $1.44 each day.  Not terrible until you multiply it by 365 days in a year (yes, they're open on Christmas), and it adds up.  And yes - literally EVERY DAY I do this.

We're not in the greatest financial shape these days, with still one year left of a top tier private college tuition plus hubby's business having slowed down in the last 2 years curing the financial crisis (happy to say it's been picking up a lot in the last 6 months, but still) and persistent house maintenance issues...you know - everyone is struggling a bit.  We also have some credit card debt that we're working hard to pay down fast, which Suze Orman would cringe at.  Anyway - I'm guilty of a lot of ridiculous and unnecessary spending everyday and have been "intending" to knock it off, which you all know is different from doing it (like my intention to lose 50 pounds...).

Yesterday on Oprah, the rerun show was about families who are way more strapped financially than we are and how they are cutting costs all over the place.  It was very inspiring and re-raised my consciousness which is why I made my coffee this morning and will from now on.  Each day I will take the 1.44 saved and put it in a jar.  This kind of goal is one I know I'll keep.  Now I still might get an occasional afternoon Sbux with a friend, but limit it to a small coffee and not one of the pricey designer beverages.  I'm also going to do my best to not throw food away, and to use up what's on hand before wantonly buying new stuff.  Another way I carelessly throw money away that if stopped, may even help my battle of the bulge.

Have a great weekend all!  May

15 comments:

  1. Oh, I'll have to go back and read the last post about comment moderation. I've tried to change mine a couple times, I just can't figure out how to do it right. I want to have the comments come to my email, but I don't want to necessarily have to approve them. I'll figure it out.

    The challeges are helpful but they can get a little much with the updates. I'm still with Biz. She doesn't mind if you don't update every week. It helps "having" to report to someone though!

    I KNOW that without the helpful blogs and Biz's challenge that I would have gained a lot more weight. I haven't been too successful in losing, I'm pretty much right back where I started from which is annoying but I know it could have been much worse.

    I hear you about the cutting small costs too!! I've been debating raising the rates for my daycare parents. I figured that a simple $5 increase per week would be well over $1000 a year. That would practically pay for vacation! Cutting out eating out has been INCREDIBLY helpful for our family. Healthy wise and money wise. Thanks!

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  2. I think peace with food is something you and I want more than anything. If we are at peace with food, out bodies will have no choice but to follow along. We're both around the same weight. We can do this....we can do this....

    By the way...due to your follower comment, I had to scroll all the way down to the bottom to see how you were doing with that :) I'm shocked you don't have hundreds...seriously you are hysterical and your honesty is so inspiring. I love your blog....as you know...

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  3. I hate fight with the comment word verification! I wish so much people who didn't need it would would turn it off...think of it as a kindness to people with little time who still want to leave comments. ;-)

    And I like how you put it...you want peace with food. I can relate to that. I think I got a taste of that when I went to the Fair and wasn't focused on eating all the "goodies". I was so nice to feel "normal". I want that everyday!

    Small changes, done consistently, add up to HUGE benefits! I admire your Coffee Savings Plan!!

    Loretta
    =^..^=

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  4. Oh Suze Orman - she'd kick my ass for sure....great goals and changes and thoughts...always love to read your blog.

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  5. I can't even imagine waiting that long to have my first cuppa every day! Good grief, I've got a coffee pot on a timer so that when I trot down the stairs at 4:15 I can get one in prior to my morning run. Seriously, it's bad. One time my sister and I went for an overnight to NYC. No coffee in the room, no coffee easily had without getting fully dressed. Finally got some at a Dunkin around 3 hours later (I think I was getting a slight headache too!) Hours later on the train ride home she suddenly looked at me and said, "Next time we come into the city we need to make sure you can get coffee first thing." Hah!

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  6. I know I could definitely cut back on our expenses...and here I just came back from the thrift store!LOL! (I recently bought a $78.00 blouse - W/THE TAG ON - for $4.99!!) Tell me, how do you pass that up!

    Leslie I wanted to say thank you for your support. I'm always glad when I see I have a comment from you! And thanks for the South Beach recipe recommendations: I actually picked up the recipe book from the thrift store this afternoon!!

    Happy Friday!

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  7. Re: spam. I don't have my blog listed for internet search. I keep trying that, but every time I do--I get weird emails. I'd rather have fewer followers--and fewer intrusions. Without the internet acces feature, that little word thing is not needed.

    Re: the OA meeting. Even tho you really are already an ace with the AA type info you'll get...and an ace with the overeating info--I kind of think that the meeting focused on overeating would be helpful.

    Not that I'm going to one, myself, you understand... sigh. I'm still peacefully in denial, claiming that my overeating was related to only gluten. Forget my frequent emotional eating episodes...that couldn't be an issue. Or the fact that I eat high-cal EVERY time the scale says 168 these days... sigh.

    And, of course, if I only have ONE highlight in my week, I sure wouldn't want to give it up over something like OA either. That breakfast with friends thing would definitely be my priority. I love breakfast out. Pancakes and sausage, yea baby!

    It probably wouldn't be the same to meet them for breakfast after their AA and your OA on Saturday....

    For FREEDOM, girlfriend!

    Deb

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  8. I don't have my blog listed for Internet search either, but I doubt that anyone would look for it anyway. I got a few pieces of comment spam before I changed that setting.

    After trudging down the steps in the morning with two excited beagles trying to bowl me over (potty then kibble), the first thing I do is push the button on the coffee pot. I sneak a cuppa the really strong stuff that brews first. AHHHHHHH......

    Have a nice weekend, Leslie!

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  9. I'm with Helen..I couldn't wait that long for my coffee either! LOL It's the first thing I do is grab my cup. After 8. Although I DO love Dunkin Donuts coffee and will often get one at the drive through.

    I've really been examining my spending as well and have tried to slap myself silly and pay attention. The little things add up!

    I would love to and long to make peace with food. I have no idea if this will help, but I'm listening to Geneen Roth's book on audio "women food and God" and my opinion is that it's excellent!!! I've been resistent to it for a long time, and now I'm so glad I'm listening. I have no doubt it will make a huge impact on my relationship with food and I plan to listen to more of her audiobooks after this one.

    Hope you have a great weekend!!!

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  10. Hey Leslie, even though I know that I'm one of the "weirdos" who walked in my program and became abstinent within a month and for the last ten years, that's certainly not the way most people come in. In program they say that if you still believe you have a better idea for how you can do this then do it. I'm sure you've heard this in AA, but that the program's not for people who want it as much as need it. When you need it and find that it's the last house on the street you'll run in.

    But either way, we all have our own journey. And good job on the budget. I think that helps to articulate what drives my husband batty about me!

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  11. I took word verification off a while back (I hate it on other people's blogs) but I have to 'approve' comments before they're posted. I've been getting around 1 Chinese porn spam comments a day, but I just hit the 'reject' button and it's gone. :o)

    You and me both with the 'static' weight... :o(

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  12. Wow - you said so much today! Thanks for the shout out - I thought there was some very interesting discussion that went on about the whole emotional eating thing.

    I get a lot of spam, but wordpress has a way to catch it. Some just makes me shake my head with wonder.

    I have been struggling too with the eating for a few months now. I am going to get very serious and buckle down as soon as I get home. Very serious. Let's do it!!!!

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  13. I get spam even with having a captcha on the comment section.

    I start my day right off with some home brewed coffee, I couldn't wait!

    Hope you have a great weekend.

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  14. "Is it arrogant to say that there is really nothing I haven't heard and don't already know about all this eating disordered stuff and addiction? "

    I've been wanting to post about that very thing... most recently I had the urge after watching Dr. Oz and they were telling an overweight woman about how to lose weight -- there was not one thing they told her that I hadn't already heard and tried. And same for her, I'm sure.

    I've tried OA, and I mean no disrespect, but what kept me from continuing long-term was the fact eery time I went, everyone was still the same weight or possibly more.

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