I'm telling myself that intellectually I know I've had enough to eat. My stomach feels a little empty because I've not been overeating for several days, and I always feel this was a few days into NORMAL eating. Also I know the intensity of my reaction to the various stressors of the last couple of days is likely due to the absence of stuffing my psyche/body is used to. A couple of days in and things (feelings) start to get raw.
But let me at least rattle off a few of the things that are rankling me right now:
1. Internet service at my house is still sporadic...seems to be most functional in the mornings while I'm at work. Thanks, Comcast. It seems to be a heat related problem, and others are affected. At least we're not alone, but there is NOT comfort in numbers in this case.
2. Our central air conditioning officially died on Sunday afternoon. It was last gasping all weekend I think, because when I'd come in from the sweltering outdoors, I didn't get the usual humidity free blast of refreshment. Husband kept saying he didn't notice it, and I kept pushing the thermostat farther down. Finally Sunday around 6:15 I walked in and it literally felt tropical in the kitchen. And why not, as it was 88 degrees in the house downstairs. It felt at least 10 degrees hotter upstairs, where the bedrooms are. Hubby's various and sundry
3. Fairly substantial money concerns - the compressor of the AC needs replacement, along with other adjoining parts (about which I know nada). The grand total was stated to be $4200 which was a cough, but not a gasp. The gasp came today when hubby called me at work and left a message informing me that an additional "issue" was found in the "heat/cold transfer" that was going to be another $2800. We don't have it lying around, nor easily accessible savings. It's going to be hard to figure it out. The AC guy told Tom that maybe the small slit in the place it shouldn't be slit could probably be welded, therefore negating the extra $2800. We're waiting to hear on that. Pray, pray, pray.
I'm just home from work and can now finish the above post. Tom has informed me of 2 developments: the welding fix is a no go, so the AC is going to be a little over $7000, and the internet has been out a lot of the day. Happily it must have sensed my harsh return to the home front and came back. Anyway, the whole money things is tough, but we will be able to do it. But in general this is going to force us to look at our financial situation. There are a number of ways I can lower my monthly spending and I intend to start working on that. But we have a 3rd night in a row with no air conditioning and what is feeling like relentless torrid conditions. Last night I didn't sleep well at all and my decreased coping ability is likely sequela of that.
Now that so many hours have passed since I began this post full of angst driven fervor, the list of my "ranklers" that could have numbered with the stars has diminished. Funny because when I started writing at work between getting called away countless times, I was thinking I had at least 6 different items about which to pontificate. I guess I've mellowed a bit. Had a couple of decent talks with hubby and a with a good friend, both of which served as a pressure release valve for all that pent up stuff. Seems I can't sustain the fever pitched irritability and frustration for as long as I used to...my new "baseline" serenity that I attribute solely to sobriety and spiritual grounding (which I work on every day) just won't let me wallow too long in my misery. I know this is a good thing and I'm grateful for it, but the high emotional energy serves as an excellent muse for writing. I've run out of steam for this post, but have written too much to not submit it!
I think when I get so off my beam, an unconscious problem solving and plan changing strategizer activates that begins to help me reorganize priorities and activities in a way that will help me return to equilibrium. One thing became clear this morning...when I started looking at others' posts and wanting to comment, realizing it had been a few days since I posted, and recalling I had 2 challenge updates to catch up on, I stated feeling tense and overwhelmed and the thought came to me, "this is all too much". ??? "Really, Leslie? You love blogging and reading others', attaining valuable inspiration and motivation and support. What's really going on?" And it came to me that I was stressing over responding to challenges when I couldn't even remember or recall my goals. Actually I recall the main 2 of both challenges, but I had a few smaller items that I could remember. Bottom line - the summer has turned much busier and crazier at work and home than my life usually ever is, and something's gotta go. It's not gonna be blogging, but it is going to be challenges. NOT the intention behind the challenges, which includes a 10 pound weight loss by Labor Day and 5 days a week of 30 minutes or more of exercise. Just the reporting in and remembering when to do what!
It feels like this must be the most disjointed and tangential post I've ever written because each paragraph was written at different times over the day. Sorry for the somber tone. As I sit here now with rivers of sweat pouring down between my girls and trickling down my neck, I don't even have the oomph to proof this. So I hope there are no horrific typos (I did pick up one as I wrote it a few paragraphs up...left a certain letter out of the word "count" to leave a word I definitely would not write or even say! Maybe you can figger' it out. Anyway - I'm hoping to keep the food clean and lean. So far so good. And by this time tomorrow we will allegedly be air conditioned again. Woohoo!