Tuesday, July 20, 2010

STRESSED - spell it backwards

Yeah - we all know that "stressed" spells "desserts" backwards.  I've had a pretty good few days with food, but the stress in my life seems to be increasing exponentially by the hour.  So far I've not reverted to the inverse of "stressed", but it's sounding like a better idea as the hours pass.  I had a good healthy lunch of vegetables (zucchini and tomatoes) and chicken breast about 45 minutes ago.  Plenty of food.  So how crazy is it that my stomach feels hungry?  Honestly...I feel hungry.  But that is possibly being affected by my starting to have binge thoughts - or at least sweet/salty/creamy/crunchy thoughts. 

I'm telling myself that intellectually I know I've had enough to eat.  My stomach feels a little empty because I've not been overeating for several days, and I always feel this was a few days into NORMAL eating.  Also I know the intensity of my reaction to the various stressors of the last couple of days is likely due to the absence of stuffing my psyche/body is used to.  A couple of days in and things (feelings) start to get raw. 

But let me at least rattle off a few of the things that are rankling me right now:
1.  Internet service at my house is still sporadic...seems to be most functional in the mornings while I'm at work.  Thanks, Comcast.  It seems to be a heat related problem, and others are affected.  At least we're not alone, but there is NOT comfort in numbers in this case.
2.  Our central air conditioning officially died on Sunday afternoon.  It was last gasping all weekend I think, because when I'd come in from the sweltering outdoors, I didn't get the usual humidity free blast of refreshment.  Husband kept saying he didn't notice it, and I kept pushing the thermostat farther down.  Finally Sunday around 6:15 I walked in and it literally felt tropical in the kitchen.  And why not, as it was 88 degrees in the house downstairs.  It felt at least 10 degrees hotter upstairs, where the bedrooms are.  Hubby's various and sundry jury rigs machinations were not able to resuscitate the unit.
3.  Fairly substantial money concerns - the compressor of the AC needs replacement, along with other adjoining parts (about which I know nada).  The grand total was stated to be $4200 which was a cough, but not a gasp.  The gasp came today when hubby called me at work and left a message informing me that an additional "issue" was found in the "heat/cold transfer" that was going to be another $2800.  We don't have it lying around, nor easily accessible savings.  It's going to be hard to figure it out.  The AC guy told Tom that maybe the small slit in the place it shouldn't be slit could probably be welded, therefore negating the extra $2800.  We're waiting to hear on that.  Pray, pray, pray.
I'm just home from work and can now finish the above post.  Tom has informed me of 2 developments:  the welding fix is a no go, so the AC is going to be a little over $7000, and the internet has been out a lot of the day.  Happily it must have sensed my harsh return to the home front and came back.  Anyway, the whole money things is tough, but we will be able to do it.  But in general this is going to force us to look at our financial situation.  There are a number of ways I can lower my monthly spending and I intend to start working on that.  But we have a 3rd night in a row with no air conditioning and what is feeling like relentless torrid conditions.  Last night I didn't sleep well at all and my decreased coping ability is likely sequela of that.

Now that so many hours have passed since I began this post full of angst driven fervor, the list of my "ranklers" that could have numbered with the stars has diminished.  Funny because when I started writing at work between getting called away countless times, I was thinking I had at least 6 different items about which to pontificate.  I guess I've mellowed a bit.  Had a couple of decent talks with hubby and a with a good friend, both of which served as a pressure release valve for all that pent up stuff.  Seems I can't sustain the fever pitched irritability and frustration for as long as I used to...my new "baseline" serenity that I attribute solely to sobriety and spiritual grounding (which I work on every day) just won't let me wallow too long in my misery.  I know this is a good thing and I'm grateful for it, but the high emotional energy serves as an excellent muse for writing.  I've run out of steam for this post, but have written too much to not submit it!

I think when I get so off my beam, an unconscious problem solving and plan changing strategizer activates that begins to help me reorganize priorities and activities in a way that will help me return to equilibrium.  One thing became clear this morning...when I started looking at others' posts and wanting to comment, realizing it had been a few days since I posted, and recalling I had 2 challenge updates to catch up on, I stated feeling tense and overwhelmed and the thought came to me, "this is all too much".  ???  "Really, Leslie?  You love blogging and reading others', attaining valuable inspiration and motivation and support.  What's really going on?"   And it came to me that I was stressing over responding to challenges when I couldn't even remember or recall my goals.  Actually I recall the main 2 of both challenges, but I had a few smaller items that I could remember.  Bottom line - the summer has turned much busier and crazier at work and home than my life usually ever is, and something's gotta go.  It's not gonna be blogging, but it is going to be challenges.  NOT the intention behind the challenges, which includes a 10 pound weight loss by Labor Day and 5 days a week of 30 minutes or more of exercise.  Just the reporting in and remembering when to do what! 

It feels like this must be the most disjointed and tangential post I've ever written because each paragraph was written at different times over the day.  Sorry for the somber tone.  As I sit here now with rivers of sweat pouring down between my girls and trickling down my neck, I don't even have the oomph to proof this.  So I hope there are no horrific typos (I did pick up one as I wrote it a few paragraphs up...left a certain letter out of the word "count" to leave a word I definitely would not write or even say!  Maybe you can figger' it out.  Anyway - I'm hoping to keep the food clean and lean.  So far so good.  And by this time tomorrow we will allegedly be air conditioned again.  Woohoo!


  1. Here's to new A/C! Being stressed in that way, both heated up and financial will throw almost anyone off their beam. Glad you found a way to blow off some steam.

    Good for you for determining what's good and reasonable for you to keep doing this summer.

    Stay as cool as you can!

  2. Nothing like air con when its too dam hot! Gets hot and dry here in Perth too some days. At the moment its our winter. I much prefer summer and will send you some of my cold fronts!
    Its great you've stayed focused Leslie and 'stressed' hasn't inverted into any potentially hazardous 'dessert', and you've been eating well! You write very well by the way!

  3. Ack! I feel for you w/the no air conditioning. I grew up in Yuma, AZ w/out air conditioning-never had it until I turned 18! It took getting used to!LOL! Isn't that something? It took getting used to being comfortable!

    Now-well, don't take my A.C from me unless you want to see me foam at the mouth!!! I HATE the heat...makes me an unkind person :)

    Leslie-I so want to tell you to eat more :). Maybe you felt like eating more because you needed more. I know, I guess I shouldn't write that on a weight loss blog- BUT being hungry is NO FUN and is a total set up for a binge later... maybe not that day, but it's 99% inevitable (don't hate me :). I just hate that you were hungry :(


  4. Hang in there, and at least things will get cooler at your house. Sorry to hear about your troubles... I know what you mean about being hungry and how this summer was busier and crazier than expected. What can we do but hang in and hope for better days?

    A cool hug coming your way!

  5. I am so sorry to read all of this. Keep your chin up. It will get better.

  6. Hope that your air is running cool and dry very soon. We had our go out (in two phases that sound suspiciously like yours and ended up costing about the same) a week ago. It's a big chunk of change. Don't sweat the challenge minutiae --just keep on keeping on. You can always pop in with results whenever you want.

  7. Sorry about your AC. I grew up without it ... it just wasn't an option financially for my parents. Hope yours is purring again soon.

  8. UGH! Money problems are the worse. I have been snacky ever since mine started. I loved this post. I like tht it was written over the course of the day.

    I woke up without air yesterday morning. That is one of the joys of renting. Someone else has to buy it or fix. Hope your cool again real soon.

  9. Ugh! Sounds horrible! Go get a pedicure! Maybe that will help. Pretty toes make everything better. :-)

  10. Oh my that is a lot of bad news! Being hot on top of it all and not getting a good nights sleep makes everything seem worse.

    Hopefully when you have the AC working again, sleep like a baby and have some healthy eats things will balance out again.

    Prayers that things look better in the morning.

  11. Wow! I feel your pain - really. Our internet is also behaving very badly, quite sporadic in the afternoons mostly. I had not thought of heat as a cause. And last week we replaced our entire heating/cooling system. Ouch. Hubby did a great job negotiating about price, a first for him. I have also felt the stress and had it make me think of food lately. So much I can empathize with! I hope things settle down for you soon and that you find some cool lovely peaceful moments:)

  12. The internet thing would put me over the top.

    And if your air isn't fixed today - GO TO A MOTEL and get some quality sleep. Even if you leave the dog and hubby home.

    And I have said this before - I think you have to re-examine your participation in challenges. They backfire on you for some reason.

    it might be the hare.
    Maybe you have to think tortoise.

  13. Hey, Les!

    Had to come right back at ya with this one: "my husband and kids who have begun a cottage industry of making fun of snoring menopausal women." SO FUNNY!!!

    The Nanny lulls you to sleep? Now, that's something I haven't tried!

    Hope you have a good day!

  14. We've only got window A/C in our bedroom and family room but there are days when it has been the only reason we would have slept. Or maybe I should say slept together because if it's that hot and gross I don't want anyone even touching me with a toe so you'd better go find your own bed - ha! Hope by the time you read this your A/C is up and running again but if not, I'd check into a hotel!

    Our internet has also been acting up with the high heat and humidity. Just told the Mr. this morning that I'm calling to complain!

    As you know we had one money disaster after another over the late winter and spring. We are still recovering and you are normal to feel stressed about all that.

    Bottom line is all things will work out and I think you know that. Feels good to vent though, doesn't it?

  15. I can SOOO RELATE to your post Leslie!! I have had those 'little stress's' building up for a week and 1/2 now (not so big as the A/C though..I am hoping and praying you can get it fixed as cheap as possible)...but I'm waiting for that money draining thing that always seems to pop up when I'm already stressed about little things.
    Just remember...we have our health right now (knock on wood)!!
    And the blogging in summer right now...I had to slow down on my posts because things are busy and it was beating me down too. Just sitting down to right a post everyday was hard enough, let alone read everyones and leave comments. I found I was spending 2-3 hours easily trying to keep up with it. And it no longer was something that was helping me stay healthy..it was becoming one of those little stress's to add to the list. Just remember, we are all still here if you only blog a couple times a week. And we all still love you if you don't get a chance to comment to ALL of us regularly:) Your blog must remain a place for you to let out your feelings (and make me chuckle from time to time lol), not an 'obligation'.
    We Love You Leslie!! Hope things settle down soon!