Week 4 P10 and diminishing oatmeal!!

To say I'm happy to update today is a vast understatement. I knew I was having a good week but wisely avoided the scale like the Bubonic plague because of the mindf*ck it is for me. So here goes:
1. This morning's weight - 194.1. Last week was 201. Loss this week of 6.9 pounds. I'll take it. I worked hard for it. More on that after the update.
2. 30 minutes of cardio 6X/week - DONE! Back at the gym, doing the biking with gradually increasing resistance, stretches, mild strengthening, and walking the pup.
3. 15 minutes of meditation/quiet 3X/week - sketchy, but I can say I've kept the TV off a lot more than usual.
4. Track food. DONE!

Now for Friday morning quarterbacking - Wow! This feels great! My goal number one, beside Friday weigh-ins, is to lose 20 pounds over the course of the challenge. This leaves me 13 pounds to go, and I know I can do it. I'm working on fueling the fire in my belly like Chris' at A Deliberate Life, the tenacity and incredible determination of 266, the creativity of TJ at TJ's Test Kitchen, and the hope, heart and desire of all my blogging inspirations which means anyone who's reading this. I'm seeing that honest accountability, writing my truth as best I can, and reading your truths are truly helping me. I've been flagging for awhile - plateaud, unable to work out, losing faith and hope in myself. But sticking to this blogging is making the difference.

Last night I didn't sleep well, so had a lot of think time to ponder my thoughts and feelings. Why couldn't I sleep? First, I was hungry. When I woke in the wee small hours, my stomach was empty. It felt simultaneously good and nerve-wracking. I knew I ate plenty yesterday, would have breakfast in a few hours, and that I would survive just fine with that gnawing sensation. And it started to feel good. Additionally, I was eager/nervous to weigh in the morning, because I suspected I'd be pleased with the number, but also fearful that my body would have managed to not respond to my hard work. God, this is such a head game.

I also reflected that last evening after my ample food for the day, I WANTED to eat something - anything. Wasn't hungry then, but the inner-binger was stirring. And for the first time in months, I simply reminded myself that I didn't have to respond to a hunger that wasn't physical by eating. I had to do this again and again, which was a bit draining. One piece of 60 calorie string cheese? That won't hurt. No Leslie, it will hurt because it will erode your confidence that you CAN GET THROUGH food obsessive thoughts without acting on them. And I did. I'm as thrilled about that as I am about my weight today.

Finally I was noticing my feelings regarding the possibility of being out of the
190s in a few weeks and what it would be like. I can see it now, and I want it. I think I've been conflicted about moving south on the scale, as 10 more pounds will pretty much move me into a category that won't be viewed as fat from the outside (given my height!). This has been my identity for 20+ years. Even being below 200 for the past 5 months (with the few very short hops back into that territory) has been radically different. Last time I got here, I was back to 220 within a month of being at a low of 194 (2 1/2 years ago). I guess I've needed to maintain this place and learn to see if it fit. At last I'm liking it and confident that I won't lose the essential Leslie, who I've become pretty fond of, if the weight issue goes away. Holy freaking Eureka! This is great! I'm pumped!!!

My unknown tidbit...hmmmm...I was an avid tennis player for years when my kids were young. I played competitively (at a low level) on a team at my swim club. I was as obsessed with tennis as I am with food, played 4-6 times a week when possible, indoor in winter, outdoor in summer. Loved it and was decent. Not great. Had a ball with it, no pun intended! I had to back off a lot when my youngest was in 5th grade and I got a full time job for the first time since having kids. I still played some, but over time have gotten away from it to where this past summer I didn't play one time. That was a first. I'm hoping this spring to get back into it, starting with just hitting with a friend who will tolerate my terribleness that will surely be the case due to my long absence. Know that you'll hear about it when that happens!

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Onto diminishing oatmeal...5 mornings a week I have the same breakfast because I love it and it's a powerhouse of energy and satiety for me. I cook 1/2 cup dry oatmeal (which yields a cup cooked), add a tad of salt and pumpkin pie spice and eat it right up. I also have a cup of Trader Joe's nonfat Greek yogurt with and 1/2 cup of unsweetened applesauce mixed in - 22 grams of protein right there. Well, the last couple of days, after I ate breakfast, I was feeling beyond full, like stuffed. So this morning, when I went to measure out the dry oats, it dawned on me to use a lesser amount. DUH! I did 1/3 cup, and then added 1 tablespoon of Trader Joe's Cranberry apple butter (20 cal/tbs) to the yogurt blend. It was entirely enough, and I didn't feel uncomfortable stuffed. The yogurt had a little extra kick that was totally satisfying but not triggering. Man, I'm on a roll here!

I was thinking last night that I might take today or tomorrow off from my cleanest eating, but NO WAY. For one thing, there is no slightly less clean eating for me. Once I add in something off plan, the avalanche is set into motion, and I'll be back in the high 190's or worse by Monday. I'm not going there again. WOOT!