Friday, January 29, 2010

Week 4 P10 and diminishing oatmeal!!

To say I'm happy to update today is a vast understatement. I knew I was having a good week but wisely avoided the scale like the Bubonic plague because of the mindf*ck it is for me. So here goes:
1. This morning's weight - 194.1. Last week was 201. Loss this week of 6.9 pounds. I'll take it. I worked hard for it. More on that after the update.
2. 30 minutes of cardio 6X/week - DONE! Back at the gym, doing the biking with gradually increasing resistance, stretches, mild strengthening, and walking the pup.
3. 15 minutes of meditation/quiet 3X/week - sketchy, but I can say I've kept the TV off a lot more than usual.
4. Track food. DONE!

Now for Friday morning quarterbacking - Wow! This feels great! My goal number one, beside Friday weigh-ins, is to lose 20 pounds over the course of the challenge. This leaves me 13 pounds to go, and I know I can do it. I'm working on fueling the fire in my belly like Chris' at A Deliberate Life, the tenacity and incredible determination of 266, the creativity of TJ at TJ's Test Kitchen, and the hope, heart and desire of all my blogging inspirations which means anyone who's reading this. I'm seeing that honest accountability, writing my truth as best I can, and reading your truths are truly helping me. I've been flagging for awhile - plateaud, unable to work out, losing faith and hope in myself. But sticking to this blogging is making the difference.

Last night I didn't sleep well, so had a lot of think time to ponder my thoughts and feelings. Why couldn't I sleep? First, I was hungry. When I woke in the wee small hours, my stomach was empty. It felt simultaneously good and nerve-wracking. I knew I ate plenty yesterday, would have breakfast in a few hours, and that I would survive just fine with that gnawing sensation. And it started to feel good. Additionally, I was eager/nervous to weigh in the morning, because I suspected I'd be pleased with the number, but also fearful that my body would have managed to not respond to my hard work. God, this is such a head game.

I also reflected that last evening after my ample food for the day, I WANTED to eat something - anything. Wasn't hungry then, but the inner-binger was stirring. And for the first time in months, I simply reminded myself that I didn't have to respond to a hunger that wasn't physical by eating. I had to do this again and again, which was a bit draining. One piece of 60 calorie string cheese? That won't hurt. No Leslie, it will hurt because it will erode your confidence that you CAN GET THROUGH food obsessive thoughts without acting on them. And I did. I'm as thrilled about that as I am about my weight today.

Finally I was noticing my feelings regarding the possibility of being out of the
190s in a few weeks and what it would be like. I can see it now, and I want it. I think I've been conflicted about moving south on the scale, as 10 more pounds will pretty much move me into a category that won't be viewed as fat from the outside (given my height!). This has been my identity for 20+ years. Even being below 200 for the past 5 months (with the few very short hops back into that territory) has been radically different. Last time I got here, I was back to 220 within a month of being at a low of 194 (2 1/2 years ago). I guess I've needed to maintain this place and learn to see if it fit. At last I'm liking it and confident that I won't lose the essential Leslie, who I've become pretty fond of, if the weight issue goes away. Holy freaking Eureka! This is great! I'm pumped!!!

My unknown tidbit...hmmmm...I was an avid tennis player for years when my kids were young. I played competitively (at a low level) on a team at my swim club. I was as obsessed with tennis as I am with food, played 4-6 times a week when possible, indoor in winter, outdoor in summer. Loved it and was decent. Not great. Had a ball with it, no pun intended! I had to back off a lot when my youngest was in 5th grade and I got a full time job for the first time since having kids. I still played some, but over time have gotten away from it to where this past summer I didn't play one time. That was a first. I'm hoping this spring to get back into it, starting with just hitting with a friend who will tolerate my terribleness that will surely be the case due to my long absence. Know that you'll hear about it when that happens!


Onto diminishing oatmeal...5 mornings a week I have the same breakfast because I love it and it's a powerhouse of energy and satiety for me. I cook 1/2 cup dry oatmeal (which yields a cup cooked), add a tad of salt and pumpkin pie spice and eat it right up. I also have a cup of Trader Joe's nonfat Greek yogurt with and 1/2 cup of unsweetened applesauce mixed in - 22 grams of protein right there. Well, the last couple of days, after I ate breakfast, I was feeling beyond full, like stuffed. So this morning, when I went to measure out the dry oats, it dawned on me to use a lesser amount. DUH! I did 1/3 cup, and then added 1 tablespoon of Trader Joe's Cranberry apple butter (20 cal/tbs) to the yogurt blend. It was entirely enough, and I didn't feel uncomfortable stuffed. The yogurt had a little extra kick that was totally satisfying but not triggering. Man, I'm on a roll here!

I was thinking last night that I might take today or tomorrow off from my cleanest eating, but NO WAY. For one thing, there is no slightly less clean eating for me. Once I add in something off plan, the avalanche is set into motion, and I'll be back in the high 190's or worse by Monday. I'm not going there again. WOOT!


  1. Excellent on the weight loss - 6.9lbs is something to shout about for sure.

  2. Congratulations! It seems like it has really given you a boost. Just when you needed it. I'm glad you got to deal with the emotions of being in the 190's. I think it's important for us to re-calibrate our identities with our successes.

  3. A post chalk-full of breakthroughs and insights. Way to power down the binge monster! Awesome....

  4. What a brilliant week - and what an amazing loss! I love oatmeal and often have it for breakfast or even lunch... :o)

  5. Way to go Leslie!! If you can do it, so can I :)
    I know what you mean about that not hungry but just wanting a string cheese thing. I have been feeling it just about every evening for the last 2 weeks. And I too can't have even a bite! I'm still trying to put my finger on what is making this little voice in my head speak louder than usual lol.
    I didn't do my normal friday weigh-in because yesterday I had a handful of hubbys potato chips. It didn't put me over on my calories for the day, but this morning I could feel my fingers/feet slightly swollen like water retention so I didn't even bother getting on.
    That does it, next week is 6 days cardio for me too! I could use a little more burst of cardio in my week instead of the usual 4 days. I think my body needs a little boost :)
    Hope u have a great weekend!

  6. Almost 7 pounds in one week is AMAZING! Congratulations! even more congrats on getting apst the binge monster!

  7. Great job!! Being able to say no to that annoying voice wanting food for no good reason is a HUGE success. You'll be knockin' on 180's door very soon :)

  8. Excellent Leslie. It does my heart good to see the joy in this post!

  9. 6.9 lbs in ONE WEEK??? Holy crap woman!! Isn't it amazing what we can accomplish when we actually do it right???? YOU ROCK! :)

  10. Wow--you are completely amazing! Congrats on the terrific week!

  11. That is fantastic! You are doing so great. I haven't tried Trader Joe's Greek yogurt or cranberry apple butter but I think I will-Thanks.

  12. Hi Leslie. Wow! Congrats on a great loss!

    You sound full of energy and very happy. Hope it continues. And yes! You are right not to slacken off at all. It's the "Just one drink" trick, "Just one ____" that the binger tries to pull. Just stick with your plan and the results will be incredible!

    Bearfriend xx

  13. What a week Leslie! You absolutely ROCK! I would love to have a loss like that, but to be fair, I haven't worked hard enough to deserve it.

  14. That is an absolutely amazing loss. I know you will have a fabulous weekend!!

  15. Great job my friend! We are just starting to play tennis more...our girls started tennis lessons in January. Tomorrow we are heading to the courts to play around a little with them!

  16. Great job, Leslie! You are rockin' it. I'm looking forward to another great post next week. :) And good luck with the tennis.

  17. awesome loss...
    You definately earned it.
    I keep looking at myself.
    It is very strange to look at yourself and see a virtual stranger staring back at ;you.
    I tried on 14's and they fit.
    I don't know what to do with that. My 16's still fit and so will wear them till the fall off.
    the day I slip on 8's I will probably faint lol.
    I don't know why, but I keep thinking I am goig to hit some sort of weight loss wall, so I just keep changing things and pushing and changing.
    I haven't hit one yet.
    I think my body is confused. lol.
    Here's to the 180's.

  18. The breakfast story applies to me too.

    I have eaten a very similar breakfast for 5 years.

    Mine started out even bigger:
    Egg beaters omelet/salsa,
    oatmeal/skim milk,

    And love it too.

    I had to decrease mine too.

    The yogurt is now my mid morning snack and I don't always eat the fruit with it. And I now always eat raw nuts with it to increase the protein. It is just after exercise each day.

    Congrats on the mindfulness.

    The loss too.

    But MORE congrats on the mindfulness. What you wrote reminded me of me at about that same poundage. The next meal was always right around the corner, I was totally capable of waiting, but learning not to follow that impulsiveness was HARD then.

  19. That's a great update, Leslie. The 6.9 is exciting, but know what? I get it that you are equally excited about saying NO to eating when not really hungry... that's a biggee.

    You had me rolling with laughter this morning when I read your comment on my post, about the closest spammers that may be in your life.. that was sooo funny.

    I didn't say this before, but you know what first attracted me to your blog, the most?? This in your sidebar: "50-something human with a mind younger than its least I think so. "

    I feel that way so much! I know the calendar says I am 59, but I swear it must be a mistake, cuz inside I really am only... about a vibrant 40!!
    Good job on the Perfect 10 week.