Friday, October 23, 2009

Insert Frowny Face

Do you ever hate when someone is right? I find myself in that place today; and before I go on it's important that I differentiate between hating someone being right and hating the SOMEONE who's right. The "right" person of which I speak is another blogger whose posts and comments I really enjoy and have found to be very insightful, inspirational and accurate. She's Vickie, from, and I very much like and appreciate her. Her comments reflect her experience with weightloss, and she says what she honestly thinks, even if it may not reflect what others have commented. Okay - groundwork laid for this piece.

In yesterday's post, I talked about making good choices while at a restaurant the prior evening, and then not getting triggered to binge afterwards. I was all happy happy joy joy about it; claimed it as a real success (which it truly was); and felt a new strength within about this journey to health and fitness. I got affirming comments and "atta girls", which felt great. In the post I noted I was also going out to dinner last night to a Thai place and knew I'd be having a vegetable and tofu stir fry with brown rice, to further demonstrate and assure readers of my soundness of mind and committment to staying "clean" with the food. Finally I mentioned I'd be weighing myself Friday morning for the first time in 2 weeks.

Well, this morning I was up at my usual crack of dawn, and prior to weighing and showering, I checked the blog for any further comments, and found this from Vickie:

"My 2 cents - there is a LOT of salt in what you describe that you ate and are planning to eat. So be mentally prepared to SEE that on the scale. It will not be a real number. And actually I would not get on the scale (since you have a feed back problem with what the numbers tell you). I think it takes 4-5 days of a LOT of water and REALLY clean food and exercise to flush and get past an asSALTed attack."

First of all, Vickie definitely reads what we write, and remembers it :)! She knows I'm a self avowed wacko when it comes to the scale, allowing it to dictate my self worth and mood status as well as my eating behavior for the day ahead. That said, I read this and thought, "HMMPH! What a negative Nancy". Yet I also felt the vapors of concern creep in, and not just because of the salt content of my 2 well chosen restaurant meals. Last night I changed my order from tofu and vegetables to a stir fry with chicken, beef, shrimp and pork with the veggies. Brown rice stayed the same, and hot tea was the beverage. But when I got home, I definitely wasn't satisfied. I was comfortably filled up, but I wanted more. And not of vegetables or lite yogurt. There wasn't/isn't much sugary carby food in the kitchen, but what there was I got into. I really don't want to list it. Suffice it to say it was too much of the wrong stuff. It was a rewind of other bingey episodes in the last couple months. So I was already dreading the scale, but decided to follow through on weighing. It wasn't good. 196.9. On October 9, the last official weigh day, I was 193.9. Up 3lbs...not the direction for which I'm shooting.

I wish I could hang onto Vickie saying that the scale wouldn't give "the real number" today because of the salt content of the food. But clearly it was more than salt. It was also the binge and the decreased exercise, along with the overall sloppiness of my efforts of late. My clothes ARE looser, and I'm getting more comments about "looking good" and "you've lost more weight"; so I don't think I've done permanent damage. But I really need to get with it and decide what I want to do here. I'm not beating myself up - honest. I'm not happy about this today, but I'm still 25 pounds down from when I started this work in June and that's great. At least this time I didn't entertain thoughts of not being honest about it here. That, at least, is progress.

Thanks Vickie, for your honest commenting. And thank all of you blog friends for hanging in with me, and with each other. If I didn't have this community, I'd be a lot worse today, because I'd feel alone and more disgusted with my craziness.


  1. You know, I wouldn't have given the salt and potential water retention a second thought... :o( Vickie definitely had a point there...

    Keep focusing on the 25lbs lost and NOT the weight fluctuation of today otherwise you MAY find yourself doing permanent damage to your weight loss...

    Glad you're so positive and not beating yourself up about over-indulging last night - a positive attitude is the way to get things done! :o)

  2. Hi Leslie. Well I think the whole 3 lbs could be water retention. Lets face it, it's not just too much salt, but carb water as well from the binge. I don't think you have *really* gained any weight.

    Do you think the binge was about fear in advance of the scale? I bet if you weren't weighing the next day you would have had something moderate when you got home and made yourself leave it at that. Self sabotage ... the fear of weight loss? I think you're still scared of it. There I go speaking out of turn again! Having to apologise AGAIN!

    Best wishes,
    Bearfriend xx

  3. Me too. Needing to get with it I mean. I tell my 30 year old daughter all the time that I wish I knew in my teens what I know now. I think I would be the most spectacular fit woman on earth. But then I wonder, would I? Because I know lots of folks who are faced with the same challenges and just handle them differently. Food is my achilles heel, that's for sure.

  4. Leslie, I was reading your post thinking; "this isn't an exact science." There are going to be days like Vickie said that are bound to throw everything off. If you are weighing monthly only, would you consider weighing next week again for a more accurate reading?

    I don't know...I personally am feeling very down because I am soooo self medicating with food. It is definitely my way of coping these past weeks. But I don't own a scale. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. Hmmmm....

    I'm rambling...bottom line though. You are steadily heading in the right direction. You've lost 25 lbs in 4 months...that is EXCELLENT. There WILL be setbacks. Life ebbs and flows and food is part of our life. As long as you keep heading toward your goal, it is ok if you have a step back every now and then.


  5. It's a process - just like cooking. You mix it all together and if you do it right it all comes out wonderful. And in the mixing process there are some ups and downs!

    I too think that weight "gain" is very temporary. It will go away before you know it!

  6. That is actually a low UP number. And I DO think that it was (all) the Salt.

    But if you can take that interpretation - that you have made for yourself - and go somewhere postive - it might be helpful.

    If it only has negative conotations - let it go and move on.

    (I do think it was the Salt that set off the Sugar Wants. They go together. this about marketing people designing products that people will buy again and again. )

    I would not have mentioned the Salt if you had not been talking about your scale thing. I had a scale thing too. I recognize the thought process. And that is why I warned you.

    There is no need to throw the baby out with the bath water when these things happen. It is part of the learning process.

    When you sit at AA meetings - think of how many times you recognize the steps to REALLY understanding in what 'newbees' say. And think about the little things that help everyone - no matter how much exerience that they have - like "CALL someone".

    Understanding the SALT thing is very important - because it not only shows on the scale and then can trigger a whole emotional thing with the scale number but it also is tied into the taste buds (actually for me personally - it is all the whites - salt, sugar, baking powder, baking soda - my taste buds are very sensitive and there is a direct chemical thing tied in with my brain).

    There are a lot of science facts and behavioral facts to this process that just simply have to be learned. If you start looking for them - you will see them all over weight loss blog land. Sometimes you will see them as an AHA moment. Most times you will see them as a pivotal point that was MISSED.

    When we have a pivotal point and learn and apply - it is the real work/backbone of this process.

    This is an opportunity for the full impact of the SCIENCE OF IT ALL to let you step away from the personal-ness of it and let it simply be a fact of life. Some people are allergic to the sun, other people walk with a limp, it is what it is.

    bloggers often roll themselves into a blanket of the woulda-shoulda-couldas or poor me. Been there, done that myself. When we LEARN then we just pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and APPLY.

    Good for you of being able to SEE and listen to yourself.

    This might be a pivotal moment for you.

    Think how many posts (of other bloggers) you have read where someone has this exact same experience (take my warning out of it) and thinks that they FAILED.

    They have no idea that it was pure science - add salt - boom.

    PS And it never occurred to me that you would think I was being negative. (I take NO offense - I am glad you mentioned it). Because for me - there is no negative IN it - it is just facts.

  7. I do not read a lot of other blogs. And most of the bloggers that I do read are in maintenance. There are a few of you in 'process' that I really identify with and love to watch the journey. and then there are a couple that actually haven't been in process for a long time - but we have been together for years - so I am interested in their lives (they aren't actually weight loss bloggers any more - but that is how I originally met them).

    And I DO find that often I am starting a reply with "I am sure I will be the LONE voice saying this"

    because usually I am. . .

    And I do not say it more than once.

    But if I don't say it AT least once - to give the blogger the opportunity to make something into an AHA moment - I feel like my omission was wrong.

    I have said before - I try to be compassionate and not enable.

    And write more about what your thought process would have been if I had NOT said anything. Would the salt have occurred to you or would you have thought you failed?

    Because you did not fail - you learned. Now the men get separated from the boys - because now you have the puzzle of figuring out how best to 'apply' for you and your path.

    And always - if I say something that is not helpful - then just let it stay here with me.

  8. Remember weight can fluctuate by lbs during one day. My scale said 271 one night and then 266.7 the next day. It's crazy. I'm beginning to think I need to hide my scale too!

  9. Your post hit to home with me, for I also gained 3 pounds when I weighed myself friday. I couldn't even post about it because I was so mad at myself. I started to jog instead of run this past week and instead of preplanning my daily meals I ended up munching on "just a few cookies" and "just a few crackers and cheese dip" here and there.
    You brought up a good point...maybe if you would have went with your first choice while going out to eat, you would have felt satisfied more and not binged...sometimes it's worth listening to our bodies in the long run.
    So you and I are both at a 3 pound gain this week. Let's not look back at it and concentrate on the here and now and get back to our healthy eatting and exercising. Just know your not alone :)


    Sandrelle has lost 100 lbs,
    is in maintenance,
    is a RN
    is a personal trainer

    she is starting a series on the SCALE and I thought you might want to follow along as she posts, as the scale is a 'big' topic for you.

  11. Leslie, I'm sorry about the gain. *HUGS* Hang in there and keep doing what you know to do and it will come off quickly, I bet!

  12. Try not to freak too much over that gain. It's what I call "fake" weight. I'm willing to bet it's all a sodium/water gain. I'm serious. I've seen it too many times in my own journey after eating at a restaurant. Even when you make healthy choices...there's just no escaping the sodium. Ive got a friend coming in town Thursday and we're having dinner out....the night before my weigh-in!!! I'm going to weigh Thursday morning and see what it is, then weigh again no Friday morning. I won't be surprised if I see a 3 lb difference, too, just from the sodium. It happens to all of us...damn restaurant eating!!