Potpourri

Happy Friday, bloggers! First, I want to thank my blogger buddies for kind comments yesterday after my sort of intense post. After I put it up, I reread it and thought I sounded like I hail from Crazytown. I haven't been so in touch with "old baggage" in a long time, and having those feelings come up made me grateful for how much healing I've experienced over the years and how much different my life is today in sobriety with a wide network of friends and family with whom to dwell in this earthly space.

I did weigh this morning because I've been weighing on Fridays to track my progress toward the November 2nd goal. Before I say my weight, I commit to not weighing even one time until next Friday. The scale is up and way out of the way so that to pull it down for a quick fix will take a lot of annoying effort. Hey - desperate times call for desperate measures! But I'm already aware of how much freer I feel not being tethered to "THE NUMBER" everyday, so I don't think I'll be jonesin' to hop on. And interestingly, before I weighed this morning, I realized I was hesitant to do it and had to sort of mentally prepare, not only for what the number could be (good or bad) but also pondering the possibility that weighing could trigger my binge mind.

My weight was 196, which is my lowest in 2 years. I got to this weight the summer of 2007 following an insanely rigid 12 step program that makes OA look liberal! I stayed at that weight for about 15 minutes before the inevitable gain began after losing 35 pounds in 2 1/2 months - way too fast from eating a way too restricted food plan. This also indicates that MAYBE, just maybe, I am at last stepping off the long plateau I've been on. I feel hopeful, optimistic even. And I feel very determined to press onwards and downwards.

There was no bingeing in my house last night, though I had many thoughts of it after dinner. Many. So I did what so many of you have suggested...I had a big glass of water, and then went to bed. I was probably asleep by 7:45; I woke at 11:30 when my husband got home from the Phillies game; I hit the bathroom :) and then back to sleep for the rest of the night. I woke up clear headed and in a great mood. And as I type, I'm eating awesome leftover salmon and sauteed vegetables from last night. Nothing better than a good lunch, smile smile.