Feelin' almost groovy

Things most always look brighter in the morning. Of course I wrote my brain dump yesterday morning, but THIS morning things seem better. I'm better and so grateful that blogging (both mine and all yours'!) found its way to my life. I think I've become a person who really can't sit with a lot of crap in my head and not find an outlet for it. AA has greatly facilitated that, but so has getting older, getting wiser (at least in my own mind!) and now blogging. There is immense relief in letting our secrets out. I think I posted something about that a while back, and probably noted yet another AA nugget of truth - we're only as sick as our secrets. I'm sorry I keep tossing out this AA crap ad nauseum, but it's damn good crap and has enabled my life to do a complete 180 over the years! Anyway, if there is actually a coined phrase about secrets keeping us sick, then there must be something to the notion of spilling them to someone, anyone, as a means of clearing out the negative brain flotsam and jetsam that swarm within and keep me effectively out of being fully present in each moment. I felt better almost immediately after clicking "publish". Sometimes I worry I say too much or don't express myself accurately, but yesterday once I sent it out into the ether, I literally felt lighter. And no, I didn't run to the scale to check =D !

Amazon Runner commented yesterday that obesity is a disease of isolation. That is so true. Most of us who've engaged in the kind of overeating that necessitates substantial weight loss haven't consumed most of those calories with other people. My binges have caused me to choose to stay downstairs after hubby goes to bed so he doesn't "interfere" (translate - witness) with my consumption. Countless times I've said no to doing things with others because I was in binge mode. Or, I left friends early to "head home", knowing full well I was stopping at the local convenience store or fast food joint to stock up "for the duration". Or to run out to the store at 9:30 at night "because I forgot to get something..." What a crock of shit. People person that I am, when the compulsion to binge hits, I find many and varied reasons to be alone. And believe me, I know there's nothing wrong with being alone - but there is when it's for the sole purpose (soul purpose?) of consuming mass quantities of high fat high sugar food that send me into food oblivion.

Something interesting and surprising happened a little while ago while I was passing meds at work. I had a thought, "Oooh, I have a great assortment of snacks for before I have lunch." This is the assortment I brought today: This is a pretty healthy selection, yes? (and note its clever placement in front of my monitor with my own blog onscreen, smile smile - I'm having an attack of egocentrism, which is better than self contempt for sure!) And I honestly felt a ripple of excitement about ripping open the veggie bag and munching a bit before lunch in another hour. As I write this, the bag is gone now, somewhere in my alimentary canal, and I'm feeling ready for the next big event which is lunch. A few more meds to give out, and then sanctioned sane nourishing eating, including one of those pieces of fruit for dessert. Does it get better than that?