Gratitude, among other things

Thank you all so much for the remarkable insights and support you gave me yesterday via your comments and emails. I certainly feel listened to and heard! It's amazing how relative strangers can become such good observers and call each other on our stuff! It's my fervent desire to offer as much support and wisdom to others as you guys give to me.

I'm feeling better and have put away the whip with which I was beating myself up. That was one of the themes I read most in the comments. I was on quite a self pummelling rant, which thankfully is a rarity for me these days; but once I got going, I guess I needed to get all that stuff out. One of the things that moved me so much about Tammy's post was how honest she was in pouring out her true thoughts. I realize that I can tend to hold back in the interest of sounding good and like I have my act together. But I get more relief and definitely more truth from self and others by daring to be honest. So many of you are great role models in this arena for me, and I thank you. And I thank you for not being afraid to say what really comes to mind when reading others' posts.

Before I go on, I want to note that I'm typing this on my shiny brand new laptop I just got 2 days ago. I've never used one before, but since I'm home today, I'm using it to post for the first time and the keyboard is something to get used to! I'm feeling like I'm in typing 101 as it's taking me 3x as long to get grammatical sentences due to me missing keys. It'll take awhile to get used to the key touch. Here's a picture of Blulu, which I've named said laptop, after her Pacific blue color and my dog Lou:
And here's her profile:
She's good looking, but she's a bit of a bugger.

The other thing I want to mention is that I'm back from my thyroid biopsy this morning. It went pretty smoothly, and the doc assures me she'll call me by Monday afternoon to give me the results and I'll find out if I get to hang on to my favorite neck gland or have it surgically removed. Guess which one I'm rooting for!? I tried to ask the doc a couple of times about if I had to have surgery, and she said she didn't want that to be the outcome and didn't think it would be. But then she didn't think the biopsy from last July was going to be anything other than routine. It already is what it is, and since I can't do a thing about it until I know what I'm dealing with, I'm setting it aside for the weekend. Surprisingly I've been able to do this since the whole thing started last March. Uncharacteristically Zen of me. You know I'll keep you posted. Hubby has taken a picture of the puncture wound in my neck from the needle biopsy. I'll put it up, because who wouldn't want to see my anonymous neck! Somehow the is no evidence of a double chin! Alright, yes I'm stretching my neck out, thereby obliterating said twin chin. Actually, that's a place where my weight loss is evident.

I had a binge free food day yesterday, and noticed my desire and instinct to undereat after my "indiscretion" of Tuesday evening. Ahh, eating disordered tendencies! I wasn't very hungry most of the day due, I think, to an emotional hangover from getting in touch with a lot of baggage while writing that post. But I ate 3 balanced meals, got a walk in, and once again feel hopeful and optimistic. I also know in my heart that I can lose this weight, continue to address my demons, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I've been on this journey for a long time, and I'm not stepping out of the boat now. It's so comforting to know that I'm not on the journey alone.