Streams of Consciousness

My prayers and deepest condolences to Steve on the sudden loss of his father last night. He is so committed to this blogging community and a generous man with his many gifts. Helen at Doing A 180 made a great suggestion: go over to Steve's blog and let him know how much our community supports him.

Today is the Perfect 10 week 6 update, so here is mine:
1. Lose 20 pounds from beginning weight of 200. Weight today 198 - last week 200. Better. Less progress than I'd hoped. Probably won't lose the 20 by the end of the challenge at this point, but that's not the point. I'm sticking to it and will hope for continued improvement.
2. 30 minutes of cardio 6X/week - Did 4 days, maybe 25 minutes 2 of them. Better than last week. Progress, not perfection.
3. 15 minutes quiet meditative time 3 times a week. Did 2 times intentionally. Probably had a couple of other times that weren't an entire 15.
4. Write down food. Nope, not once. It didn't feel like a priority this week as I was struggling to get my head back solidly above water.
This could be construed as a marginal week, but I'm not viewing it that way at all. I am better in every way than I was for the last 2 weeks in the realm of optimism, commitment, and venturing into new territories like swimming. So I'm relieved and motivated to keep going. Not quitting - no way. I accept my human incapacity to be perfect all the time, or anytime for that matter.

Now, I need to write 2 things you don't know about me, because I forgot last week, and Steve reminded me in a comment during the week. First, a week after I graduated from high school, I went on a 31 day European tour with a music group assembled by the choral director at my school. I was a piano accompanist for a couple of the choral groups at the high school, and he asked me to go (without having to audition!) because one night during the Christmas concert, the power went out while a group I was playing the piano for was performing. The song at the time was Do You Hear What I Hear, and I knew it so well on the piano that I didn't miss a note in the darkness, and so the group was able to continue singing without missing a beat. He was so happy with me for that that after the concert, he gave me a big kiss on the cheek (he was drop-dead gorgeous) and the following Monday at school asked me to go on the tour that summer. I was thrilled and ran to the office to call my Mom and ask her...the cost of the whole trip (31 days, 7 countries and about 20 concerts in who knows how many cities) was under $800. My mom, being my mom, had to mess with my mind for a few days to "think about it" before she granted permission and bucks. Once in, I found that the Chorale had zillions of rehearsals at all hours of the day and night, on weekends and school nights - and I loved every second of it. I had several good friends who were in it, and to this day that was one of the best experiences in my life. (Actually I've had way too many best experiences for one person...very blessed and fortunate!)

Second thing you don't know is the my first 2 kids were born by C section. Jean, the oldest, was eventually taken by CS because of fetal distress and meconium when I was at 8 cm dilated. This was back in the day when one CS meant all subsequent births were by CS, so my second child, Stephen, was also a section. I had easy recoveries from these - no problems at all. But when I got pregnant the last time, someone put a bug in my ear about trying for a VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarian - sorry menfolk). In true Leslie form, that is - obsessive once I get a bug in my ear - I researched VBACs, took a class in it at a local Birthing Center, joined the Cesarian Prevention Movement and attended monthly meetings throughout my pregnancy, got a midwife who agreed to my effort - fired my OB who said it was very dangerous to try for a VBAC, and ultimately went on to have an entirely unmedicated beautiful vaginal birth of Mark, my youngest. It was a mountaintop experience. The births of all three of my children were mountaintops - but this was huge because it required me - a very entrenched in conventional Western medicine nurse, to take a huge leap of faith. I educated myself totally about the whole process and knew it was not only safe, but preferable and better for the baby. I could go on and on about this but will spare you further blathering. Suffice to say it was amazing, and now I love to lord it over Mark that I had 26 hours of labor with him and he better appreciate it!

Funny - before I started this post, I had no idea what I was going to put for my unknown things. I often don't know what's going to come up when I begin writing.

I mentioned I was going to post a great recipe and pics of roasted cauliflower, but I forgot my camera so that will have to wait for another day. Tonight is our anniversary dinner I spoke about during the week. I'm eating totally clean until then, and am going back for swim number 2 after work. I plan to really enjoy my meal, getting what I want including dessert if there is something I deem worth it, and be right back on plan tomorrow. Hopefully I can pull that off. I feel strong right now and know I'll love myself in the morning if I don't go hog-wild tonight.

Oh, and I just started reading the second book of Frances Kuffel, Angry Fat Girls. The first, while serious, dark and at times depressing, was so important for me to read, and her writing is a pleasure as it's so clear and accessible, that I'm excited to get into this one. Have a great day, good friends.