Took the plunge!!!! Details included :D

A nanosecond after I published this post, I had 5 comments! WTF???, you ask? I think I hit publish before I actually wrote the post but after I wrote the title. So now the "deets" are included!

Yesterday after work, I drove home. I put on my Lands' End bathing suit and socks with my flip flops (since it's in the 20s here!). I covered up with old warm-ups. I got a towel and a hair brush. I drove to the gym. I asked my friend Betsy who works at the gym to show me the ropes of the swimming facilities. I put my stuff in a locker. I stepped under the requisite warm shower prior to entering the pool area, and then I walk out to the pool area and GOT IN THE FREAKING WATER! I finally did what I've been anguishing over for the last 20 years. There is a large 8 lane lap pool, and then a smaller "therapy" pool that is kept at 88 degrees and where the classes are held. That's the pool I entered first.

It felt good. I noticed a wave of teary gratitude as I felt the water surround every millimeter of my body. I paddled around awhile, tread water for about 10 minutes, walked from side to side, and then climbed out and got into the lap pool. Actually got out with wet suit clinging to imperfect body and walked to the other pool. I did 10 laps of whatever arm strokes and leg movements got me moving forward in the water... slo-o-o-wly. There were a few others sitting around watching kids, and a few folks swimming laps. None of them seemed to even notice the new zaftig puffy gal padding around frantically pulling her clinging wet suit away from the underlying body imperfections. Me thinks that while this was a giant leap for Leslie, it was a non-event for humankind.

And it was a giant leap for me. I have spent so much time wringing my hands over not being able to enjoy water over the years - telling myself that it was almost a service to not expose my imperfect lumpy body in a manner that others might have to see and...gasp...endure. Good grief. The egocentrism of that is absurd. An egomaniac with an inferiority complex. This swimming/bathing suit issue is a microcosm of the reality that I get in my own way and am the author of my own misery much of the time. This will be one of the areas I look at as I work on the 4th step inventory I talked about yesterday.

I'll be back at the pool today. One thing - I'm going to get a classic one piece suit now, because while the tankini thing worked fine, there was a lot of flowing fabric that I don't need or want now that I'm a big girl who can get in the water all by herself! I have an overall sense of greater freedom today, just knowing that I unlocked one of the countless self constructed prisons in which I've dwelled for so long. And I have to thank Stacia, from Swimming It Off, for her personal encouragement as well as for her fantastic blog. If you haven't seen it, check it out. She's got a lot of great stuff to share. The whole time I was in the water, I was thinking of her and how I was going to email her the second I got home and tell her I finally took the plunge. I did - and she responded with enthusiasm and joy at my "accomplishment". Just another amazing blogger reaching out to help me. I pray that I can offer as much support to you all as I always receive.