Saturday, February 20, 2010

Unfinished business

I've decided that this be my last Perfect 10 update as I'm going to withdraw from the challenge. I'm not withdrawing from the journey, my goals, my blog, or my weight loss efforts. But with a second knee surgery in 12 weeks coming up in 6 days and the genuine pain the knee is generating (that the left knee didn't at all before I got it scoped), my focus is to maintain my physical status as it is now (translate: no gaining, bingeing or self-sabotage). Running a close second in the focus category is not doing ANY damage to my almost fully rehabbed left knee - which means I won't be getting in the pool or even going to the gym. In fact, doing much walking at all is risky, as he knee is rendering me "all bent up" and unable to walk with decent body alignment or the ever popular sure-footedness without the cane the PT at my job gave me after my first surgery. I'm very wobbly and unstable, not terribly proficient with the cane, and a bit like a deer in headlights over this revoltin' development. It's taking up a lot of space in my life/consciousness/head right now. Subsequently I didn't post yesterday because I've mentally shifted to survival mode and the thought of listing my Perfect 10 stuff seemed like TFM (too f-ing much), even though I had a not terrible week. So here's the last update for now. Next Friday I'll be under the knife, and the week following won't be able to do much. Stepping away from the challenge just makes sense. If you don't agree, I still love you. But don't necessarily need to hear about it, smile smile.

1. Lose 20 pounds by end of challenge - measured by weekly weigh-in Friday mornings and posting result. Last week - 198. This week - 198.4. I'm okay with that as...I'm not gonna lie...I've done a little "food to soothe the aching psyche" eating this week. Not out of control, and no binges. Larger portions, and butter on my sweet potato kind of eating. Several meals out with friends.

2. 30 minutes of cardio 6x/week. Did 3 - Friday, Saturday and Monday. It was the Monday 2.4 mile dog walk on icy streets with Lou's BFF and his Mom who is one of my BFFs that I believe put the last nail in the coffin of my shaky right knee. Tuesday the knee tanked, and that was it.

3. 15 minutes of quiet time/meditation 3x/week. Done. Actually did 5 days and lived to tell about it. Didn't encounter any ghouls in my dark interior!! heh heh

4. Write down all food. Not one time.

I've been thinking about Steve (the originator of this challenge) a lot this week as he's been navigating the loss of his dear father. Not surprisingly, he's striving to get back to his day to day routines a little at a time, including getting our updates. I just want to say how much I appreciate and respect Steve, for so many reasons. He's pursued his own journey to weight loss and better health with remarkable consistency and success. He's been a faithful supporter and motivator to countless others on the path to optimal fitness. He posts daily, does wonderful motivational videos, visits and comments on others' blogs, and comes up with inspired ideas like this wonderful challenge that can really help us get fired up and re-invigorated for the journey after the holiday season. And now, we see him supporting is family, talking about the wonderful relationship he's had with his Dad, sharing real emotions. Thanks for being a wonderful human being, Steve.

This was the first blogdom challenge I did, since entering this kingdom back in June. It's been helpful for me in so many ways. Just learning to set goals that are realistic and achievable and to stay accountable has been a very positive experience for me. Once I get through this next knee phase, I hope another challenge arises out there that I can enter.

I think I would probably do things a little differently regarding setting goals. Perhaps I was a little lofty about 20 pounds in 10 weeks. Sure, it was/is doable, given I have 30-35 pounds yet to lose. Doable yes. Realistic? Maybe not so much. I set that goal after my first knee surgery, before I'd even begun physical therapy. Whaaaa??? Same with exercise - 30 minutes 6x/week when I'm still not cleared for physical therapy. Next time, I might shoot for a pound a week rather than 2. 20 minutes of movement (maybe not true cardio YET) 3x/week. If more is achieved - WOOT! My inability to really engage in the kind of physical activity is was doing prior to the first knee injury but setting an unrealistic goal began to eat away at my good feeling about my progress. Ate away at my self esteem in that regard. Made me not want to be honest in my reporting, though I have been. Feeling like a flunkie at best, a failure at worst.

All that said, I think the goals I set regarding meditation and food tracking were/are great for me. Small behavioral shifts for a finite period of time. And to limit the meditation to 15 minutes, knowing that if I do it, I always sit for 30 or more. There is a new challenge I've been reading about (I think someone named Trina) that sounds good because the focus is on small weekly mini goals and a 1 pound a week overall goal. I haven't signed up because I see I just need to focus on getting through the next couple of weeks. But reading of that challenge (sorry I don't recall the name) has made me realize that there is a reason Steve suggested realistic, doable goals - as opposed to expansive ones that expansive Leslie created.

So. My personal goal for this next week, to be reported on March 1 which is the Monday after my Friday surgery this week, is to not gain weight. None. Stay the same. I'll still be doing my usual posting, but commit to an honest update March 1.

Last thing is that Journey Beyond Survival gave me an Honest Scrap award last night. I'm delighted, honored and just all fuhklempt! I will address the award's rules of listing 10 unknown things about myself (can there be any left?!?) and passing it on in my next post. I was going to do it today, but as usual, me went on and on and want to spare you guys more of my verbal cabbage for this day! Happy Saturday everyone :)


  1. Leslie,
    You have so much going on! I hope that you will get the rest you need, and that your surgery will go well. Sounds like more realistic goals, and I'm glad that your attitude is so balanced. At least on 'paper'. I hope you're going to keep us updated. And I'll be here as much as I can.

  2. I took a few days away from blogdom, so I wasn't aware you were having surgery. Sorry. That has to be horribly frustrating. Do the best you can. Be kind to yourself and take it one moment at a time.

  3. I hope your surgery goes well. Surgery sucks, but if it fixes the problem, then I know you will be better off.

  4. Hi Leslie. I don't think there's any problem at all in withdrawing from the challenge. The most important thing is to take care of your knee and give it plenty of time to heal.

    I understand about being in survival mode (I've spent too much of my life like that!) I think your challenge at the moment is to get through the next few weeks in the best possible mental and physical state you can. And that is a big enough challenge!

    Excellent that you are getting into the meditation. BTW, have you thought of having a healing session yourself? I have found it really helpful both physically and mentally.

    Re goals - some people like to aim high and can be pleased when they achieve even half the goal. But some like to aim small and then feel good when they exceed it. Personally I feel small goals can help sometimes - especially if I'm on very shaky ground, but to *really* achieve something I have to aim high otherwise it just isn't enough of a priority. With me, a small goal often leads to a small peformance! But like I say, different things work at different times.

    Hope you have as good a weekend as possible under the circs,
    Bearfriend xx

  5. I think as your medical status has changed you NEED to readjust your goals and the challenge you started is not the one you want to finish.

    Make sure you take it easy and ask those around you for help!!!!! If you are anything like me, and lets face it we are moms, we tend to grin and bare it, but this is a time you need to let others help you to minimize damage. Please make sure you do this even if it is outside your comfort zone.

  6. just relax and take care of your self. Don't stress on the perfect 10 thing or anything else. Stress can make things worse . Just chill.

  7. Looking after yourself should be your number one priority. I know some people are changing their goals on a weekly basis to meet changes in their circumstances. I think that's the great thing about the flexibility of these challenges - they're for us and not set in stone. :o) Maybe next time?

    Take care

    P x

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  9. sorry about that - my spelling is horrid! "Verbal Cabbage" Love it! You can be sure that phrase is going to make it into my household!! LOL!

  10. You've made the right choice, in that focusing on your knees has to be your primary concern right now. There will be other challenges. ;)

    Good luck!

  11. I agree with the others, that the focus needs to be on healing of your knees. I think it's a healthy thing that you withdraw! And it sounds like you have gotten lots of benefits from it already.

    I hope your recovery is swift and you are able to get lots of rest, relaxation, and even enjoy the down time to catch up on stuff you didn't have time for... like all those books. :-)

  12. Yeah, I'd totally drop the challenge for now and just concentrate on healing and keeping the bingeing under control. When you've got too much crap going on at once, it's natural to just concentrate on the survival instincts. Not bingeing is a huge one for you and me, but we can do it. And I had to laugh out loud at "TFM", lol.

  13. P.S. I'm wearing my awesome socks. :)

  14. :) It's okay that you pulled out of the challenge. More than okay, needed. How exactly did you think you could do it, anyway, considering the surgery?

    You have been given such a gift. :) (How's about that for reframing?) You will be able to think, seek God, discover you, read, daydream, listen to music--and not feel guilty about it.

    Yes, I know there will be rehab and exercise (I actually worked on the ortho unit of a hospital for 7 years) but you will not be going to work for a bit and no one is going to expect you to run a 10 minute mile anytime soon.

    Enjoy the break. Enter the guilt-free zone.


  15. very glad that you are not finding it hard to 'sit with yourself'.

    Lady next to me in zumba yesterday was inching her way back from a twisted ankle. It is JUST a twisted ankle and it has taken her weeks to get back to cardio.

    I could relate (So can you) on a much larger scale.

    do you have a project that doesn't involve being on your feet - that will not crash you (emotionally) that you can work on? A lot of weight loss bloggers knit or do something else to keep their hands busy.

    I have been working on photoalbums. But I had to make sure that the memories didn't crash me (they didn't).

    We also subscribed to NetFlix and watched a couple series this winter (StarGate and StarGate Atlantis). And that really did help (I do not eat in front of TV).

  16. Leslie, I really appreciate the compliment -- I sure wish I felt like I lived up to most of that. Thank you though.

    Regarding stepping away from the challenge - sometime life dictates we move a different direction than originally planned. I understand.