Unfinished business

I've decided that this be my last Perfect 10 update as I'm going to withdraw from the challenge. I'm not withdrawing from the journey, my goals, my blog, or my weight loss efforts. But with a second knee surgery in 12 weeks coming up in 6 days and the genuine pain the knee is generating (that the left knee didn't at all before I got it scoped), my focus is to maintain my physical status as it is now (translate: no gaining, bingeing or self-sabotage). Running a close second in the focus category is not doing ANY damage to my almost fully rehabbed left knee - which means I won't be getting in the pool or even going to the gym. In fact, doing much walking at all is risky, as he knee is rendering me "all bent up" and unable to walk with decent body alignment or the ever popular sure-footedness without the cane the PT at my job gave me after my first surgery. I'm very wobbly and unstable, not terribly proficient with the cane, and a bit like a deer in headlights over this revoltin' development. It's taking up a lot of space in my life/consciousness/head right now. Subsequently I didn't post yesterday because I've mentally shifted to survival mode and the thought of listing my Perfect 10 stuff seemed like TFM (too f-ing much), even though I had a not terrible week. So here's the last update for now. Next Friday I'll be under the knife, and the week following won't be able to do much. Stepping away from the challenge just makes sense. If you don't agree, I still love you. But don't necessarily need to hear about it, smile smile.

1. Lose 20 pounds by end of challenge - measured by weekly weigh-in Friday mornings and posting result. Last week - 198. This week - 198.4. I'm okay with that as...I'm not gonna lie...I've done a little "food to soothe the aching psyche" eating this week. Not out of control, and no binges. Larger portions, and butter on my sweet potato kind of eating. Several meals out with friends.

2. 30 minutes of cardio 6x/week. Did 3 - Friday, Saturday and Monday. It was the Monday 2.4 mile dog walk on icy streets with Lou's BFF and his Mom who is one of my BFFs that I believe put the last nail in the coffin of my shaky right knee. Tuesday the knee tanked, and that was it.

3. 15 minutes of quiet time/meditation 3x/week. Done. Actually did 5 days and lived to tell about it. Didn't encounter any ghouls in my dark interior!! heh heh

4. Write down all food. Not one time.

I've been thinking about Steve (the originator of this challenge) a lot this week as he's been navigating the loss of his dear father. Not surprisingly, he's striving to get back to his day to day routines a little at a time, including getting our updates. I just want to say how much I appreciate and respect Steve, for so many reasons. He's pursued his own journey to weight loss and better health with remarkable consistency and success. He's been a faithful supporter and motivator to countless others on the path to optimal fitness. He posts daily, does wonderful motivational videos, visits and comments on others' blogs, and comes up with inspired ideas like this wonderful challenge that can really help us get fired up and re-invigorated for the journey after the holiday season. And now, we see him supporting is family, talking about the wonderful relationship he's had with his Dad, sharing real emotions. Thanks for being a wonderful human being, Steve.

This was the first blogdom challenge I did, since entering this kingdom back in June. It's been helpful for me in so many ways. Just learning to set goals that are realistic and achievable and to stay accountable has been a very positive experience for me. Once I get through this next knee phase, I hope another challenge arises out there that I can enter.

I think I would probably do things a little differently regarding setting goals. Perhaps I was a little lofty about 20 pounds in 10 weeks. Sure, it was/is doable, given I have 30-35 pounds yet to lose. Doable yes. Realistic? Maybe not so much. I set that goal after my first knee surgery, before I'd even begun physical therapy. Whaaaa??? Same with exercise - 30 minutes 6x/week when I'm still not cleared for physical therapy. Next time, I might shoot for a pound a week rather than 2. 20 minutes of movement (maybe not true cardio YET) 3x/week. If more is achieved - WOOT! My inability to really engage in the kind of physical activity is was doing prior to the first knee injury but setting an unrealistic goal began to eat away at my good feeling about my progress. Ate away at my self esteem in that regard. Made me not want to be honest in my reporting, though I have been. Feeling like a flunkie at best, a failure at worst.


All that said, I think the goals I set regarding meditation and food tracking were/are great for me. Small behavioral shifts for a finite period of time. And to limit the meditation to 15 minutes, knowing that if I do it, I always sit for 30 or more. There is a new challenge I've been reading about (I think someone named Trina) that sounds good because the focus is on small weekly mini goals and a 1 pound a week overall goal. I haven't signed up because I see I just need to focus on getting through the next couple of weeks. But reading of that challenge (sorry I don't recall the name) has made me realize that there is a reason Steve suggested realistic, doable goals - as opposed to expansive ones that expansive Leslie created.

So. My personal goal for this next week, to be reported on March 1 which is the Monday after my Friday surgery this week, is to not gain weight. None. Stay the same. I'll still be doing my usual posting, but commit to an honest update March 1.

Last thing is that Journey Beyond Survival gave me an Honest Scrap award last night. I'm delighted, honored and just all fuhklempt! I will address the award's rules of listing 10 unknown things about myself (can there be any left?!?) and passing it on in my next post. I was going to do it today, but as usual, me went on and on and want to spare you guys more of my verbal cabbage for this day! Happy Saturday everyone :)