Monday, February 1, 2010

Mount Leslie erupts


I'm in a crappy, irritable, mildly depressed and horrible mood. See how focusing on the poor me's allowed them to increase over the course of just 4 words? Crappy to horrible in about 3 seconds. A Nascar record. Or a Nasty Leslie record. I feel like a buzz saw where anyone daring to enter within a 15 foot radius of the Royal Moi better look out. I don't necessarily want to write about this, but I know if I talk about it, get it out...I'll feel better. I went to my usual AA meeting at 7 this morning where I normally could have unloaded some of this venom, but was feeling some intolerance and resentment about some of the goings on at the meeting, so best to keep a lid on Mount Leslie, lest she spew bla-bla-bla-lava all over people she really loves. So my blog buddies get to shoulder the burden a bit. And please know I'll happily shoulder yours anytime.
Why the mood, Leslie? Well - as they say in math, it's multi-factorial:

1. This may be a major contributor - I'm on Prednisone (and an antibiotic) for a sinus infection. I've been on it since Wednesday, and it can play with one's moods. Usually I get an initial burst of high energy and euphoria when I go on a steroid that can foster wee-small-hour-in-the-morning scrubbling of kitchen floors and house-cleaning, as well as a blast of relief from the asthma and nasal inflammation that accompanies my sinus infections. Neither happened this time, in fact, I've actually wondered if they slipped me placebo Preds! Physically I'm better and feel fine; but I sure didn't get any euphoria or high energy. I laid around a lot this weekend, slept, and almost immediately felt the irritability that is so acute today.

2. I got into a sugar eating spiral this weekend. I could blame the steroids, but I wasn't craving sugar or sweets when I innocently (?) decided to have a couple of Peanut Butter Sandwich Girl Scout Cookies that caught me like a hit of crack - rendering me powerless over all things sugar for the rest of the weekend and turned me into a sucrose whore. I know I'm making excuses. No one pried my jaws open and shoved in more cookies or the other stuff that followed. I could have paused at some point and said, "Leslie, just wait for a few minutes and get distracted." I didn't do that - I just followed my radar to the next simple carb source. I haven't done too much sugar eating lately (my indiscretions have been other food groups), so the sugar hit me hard. Looking back, it almost felt violent. And then I continued sugar's assault by pounding more down.

3. After last week's excellent exercising and feeling back on track with the gym, my right knee (the "good" one) started hurting me terribly Friday afternoon, to the point where it's been very painful to walk on. It's surely part compensatory from carrying the "load" while Lefty was limpy, but I'm sure I overdid the exercising and walking as it felt better clearly advanced too fast. How many times have I done this???? I'm not used to not being able to power through and emerge triumphant over simple body aches, but as I've caused my own set-backs here several times, I need to read the writing on the wall. Leslie is 56, not 36 and her hardware isn't as resilient and pliant as it used to be. The good news here is that Lefty is hangin' in there like a real trooper. She's not perfect, but as good as she's been. So back to remedial exercising for a bit. Me. Not. Patient. I'm tempted to commit right here and now to get in the damn pool this week and use the water for exercise and therapy. Can't promise, but it's rising up higher on my agenda.

I'm trying to think why else I'm all pissed off at everybody and everything, and realize that just a-rantin and a-ravin' here has diluted the intensity of my angst. What comes to mind for #4 is that people are driving me crazy with their crap - but they're the same as everyday. Some days I don't notice other people's annoying little habits; other days I can see them only. It's me. I'm the common denominator in my irritability, intolerance and annoyance. I can choose to dwell and marinate in my muck or to move on. Another thing I hear in AA that I love is "You can start your day over at any moment." It's true. I had my usual clean healthy breakfast. Packed a good lunch. Have been drinking tons of water. Will do a very mild walk ONLY IF the knee is up to it after work. And by cutting loose this negative energy that's been entangling me this morning by writing about - I can go on and have a good day. And maybe even a wonderful one. Anything is possible.

21 comments:

  1. We have big shoulders. We can take it. Bring it on...get it out of your system and have a better day tomorrow.

    Hugs.

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  2. Vent here. It's the absolute best place. I hope it had the desired effect and your day IS wonderful.

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  3. Come on girl - we can take it! You're right anything is possible so here's to an absolutely, fabulous, marvelous day for you. (The picture of the doggy is soooo cute.)

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  4. Aaahhh Les, I hope you feel better soon. I must say though that your wit is hysterical. I just love to read your blog. So..my narcissitic side says thanks for the humor. My sweet side (smaller side) says I hope you can have a better day.

    Over the weekend I thought I was gonna level my household. It started with my husband spilling hot rib juice all down the front of my white cabinets?? Hello?? That set me into crazy cleaning mode which made me see that NO ONE had been picking up their crap all weekend. AAAAHHH! Breath in, breath out. They all survived....barely :)

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  5. Hope you feel better soon... I'm possibly even more irritable/likely to explode than you are now when I have PMS... ;o)

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  6. Dude..you did better than me. When I have a rant, it's usually "effing" this and "effing" that, lol. I hope the day improves as I'm sure it will. It's got to feel good to have a good eating day and know you're drinking lots of water. Sorry about the OTHER knee...hope it settles down soon. :)

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  7. Leslie, you are just fine. Every real person out there has the same conflicts going on in their heads. If they claim not to they are dealing with it through some addiction or another. I'm glad you bla-bla-bla-lavaed us. It didn't even burn! Anytime lady. Anytime.

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  8. I hate to say it, but I smiled through reading this post. Not because I was amused, but because I have been there so often. Im here, you can vent on me all you want!

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  9. Sometimes we can figure out why we are pissed and sometimes we just are!!! Guess what we are entitled and venting it out here is the best.

    When you mentioned you had a sinus infection that explains lots and lots.

    Feel better!!!

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  10. We are here rants and all Leslie! Hope you get off the Prednisone soon.

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  11. Hoo boy, Leslie. I'd be willing to be it's the Prednisone--that stuff is WICKED. It turns normal, sane individuals into terrifying witches. You'll be back to your normal self in no time. *Hugs* to get you through the muck!
    Bethany

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  12. Hi Leslie. Lol at Bethany's comment, you terrifying witch you!

    Just try not to kill anyone y' hear?

    Bearfriend xx

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  13. Hang in there Leslie!! I know that the full, bright moon all weekend left my whole family irritable and moody all weekend long! Hope the antibiotics knock that sinus infection on it's butt for you.

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  14. Love the puppy photo. And on behalf of girl scouts everywhere, I apologize for our crack cookies...it is the one reason I, Girl scout troop leader AND Troop cookie manager don't even touch them. I would inhale thin mints and spit out the packaging. Not good.
    Feel better.

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  15. "I got into a sugar eating spiral...turned into a sucrose whore." I hate when that happens. couldn't you just spit?!

    So glad you vented with us--I know I could certainly identify! And a good growl often alleviates a lot of the pressure. :)

    You'll get your bearings back.

    Deb

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  16. I am seriously hoping you get yourself in a pool soon woman! It will drain all that angst away.

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  17. We all get there sometimes. Good luck getting in a better place. :)

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  18. Hey, that's what a blog is for. Sharing your feelings, I mean, whether they're happy or not. And if it helps, that's great.

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  19. Leslie, sorry for your down day. But your rant is hysterical to read! (Sorry to find humor in your pain!) When I'm in that state, I always hope I don't come across anyone whose opinion of me I really care about!

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  20. No offense, but I am glad I was not around you IRL yesterday. :-)

    I hope today is much, much better!

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  21. Hey LEslie, is that a new puppy or what? Seriously cute!

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